The Rangers are thinking about calling up big-time prospect, Jurickson Profar. When I saw that news my eyes did the John Lithgow’s eyes when he sees the gremlin on the wing of the plane in Twilight Zone, The Movie. Then I started thinking, as I’m wont to do on occasion, Kinsler is on lock, Andrus isn’t going anywhere yet, Beltre and Olt can play 3rd, while Young can butcher all 4 positions and fly the “This guy is the heart of our team” flag. Are the Rangers so crazed for the playoffs that they’re going to bring up the number two ranked prospect in all of baseball for a bench role? Yes, yes they are. In keepers, I’d grab him if he’s not already owned. In Double-A this year, he has 13 homers and 15 steals and a .283 average. Oh, by the by, he’s only 19 years old. Zoinks! You’re looking at a guy that could be Hanley Ramirez as soon as next year. That’s the young, less insouciant Hanley. So, Jurickson would Profar if the Rangers infield wasn’t stacked. Well, me too. More than likely, he’ll be back in the minors to start the year in 2013 and find his way into the Rangers infield early on due to an injury. The hype machine will be working overtime for him next year. For the long term, I like him a tad more than Macho Manny Machado, but MA3 has a starting job, Jurickson’s got nowhere to play. So in redraft leagues, I’d take a wait and see approach with him. Or Jurickson can warm your bench if you Profar. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
Ryan Dempster – 6 IP, 8 ER. “Over here we have the world’s most expensive bookends.” That’s a tour guide describing Oswalt and Dempster as they stand next to a stacks of books in Nolan Ryan’s personal library.
Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA is now down to 3.76. In related news, a Scottish man claimed the rights to Aaron Harang because he found a tree trunk in his backyard that he says is Aaron Harang’s likeness. You be the judge.
Carlos Villanueva – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Check out Chuck Newtown’s numbers: 3.12/1.25 and 86 Ks in 80 2/3 IP. He’s getting a tad lucky, his walks could come back to haunt him and he gets the Rangers next time out, so it’s a wait and see, but I’d definitely keep an eye on him.
Kris Medlen – Braves announced that they would go to a 6-man rotation until the end of August. Glory be the stunod who finally decided to leave Medlen in the rotation. This means when Hanson returns Medlen won’t be bumped for at least another two weeks. Then when August of Twelve After Twenty drops its curtain, the Braves will have time to see Medlen is the most deserving of the rotation spot or Hanson could be hurt again, so Kris could be a starter for the rest of the year. I’d go ahead and own him in all leagues now. The Flat-Billed Pitchypus rides again…
Andrew Bailey – Will be activated on Tuesday. Hey, that’s today! I imagine it’ll take about a week to ten days before Bailey sees a save, and then the Red Sox’s Clarence can stop showing them what life would be like without a closer.
Pablo Sandoval – 0-for-1 as he was activated from the DL. Next stop: Starting. Stop starting? No, start stopping. You get the drift.
Ryan Vogelsong – 2 2/3 IP, 8 ER. I’ve heard of the Redemption Song, but before last night I’ve never heard the Regression Song. It sounds like a cat trying to pull itself up a chalkboard with nothing but its nails.
Brent Lillibridge – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 2nd homer in the last three games. Brent’s usually a Lillibridge to nowhere, but he could be a quick hot schmotato for a few days.
Placido Polanco – When he’s activated from the DL, he won’t be the everyday 3rd baseman. Charlie Manuel said, “Placido’s wrasslin’ a gator and that gator has a twelve-inch straw that sucks water out of his boots.” Reporters had no clue what that meant, but a press release later explained.
Cole Hamels – 9 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA is now down to 2.91 and has just under a 9 K-rate. Probably not in the Cy Young discussion though, because anyone who’s having a Cy Young discussion mid-August is an uber-nerd and would be talking about Hamels’s xFIP. Oh, and I did just use ‘uber.’ Deal with it!
Kevin Frandsen – 2-for-5, as he gets the 3rd base job while Polanco’s got gators straw-sucking water from his boots. Frandsen has a lot of minor league numbers to support his lack of power, speed and any fantasy value, but I hear he makes a mean Denver omelette!
Eric Stults – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. After filming Mask, Eric Stults said he stayed in touch with Cher and she has been a million beacons of light for him, especially when she wears sequins in the day.
Dale Thayer – If there was any doubt who the Padres would go to in the ninth, Thayer threw the perfect inning for the save. Dale Thayer is also the answer to this March, 2013 question, “What the hell was the name of that guy getting saves for the Padres at the end of last year?”
Ian Desmond – Nats reported Desmond’s oblique is progressing quicker than expected. Might be able to return prior to the end of the month, but the Nats will know more on Wednesday. And that’s the most specific news I’ve ever heard on an oblique injury.
Danny Espinosa – 4-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with his 12th homer. Basically, everyone on the Nats got a hit yesterday, except LaRoche — ticker tease! Vogelsong really devastated my will to recap this game, but I will soldier on for the greater good of Razzball.
Roger Bernadina – 4-for-6, a run and 3 RBIs. The Nats should bench Harper and let Bernadina play, and if that was said in the Nats Public Relations office it would go over about as well as that Reds PR person who threatened to beat up a few of the Reds fans on Twitter who thought Dusty maybe/possibly wasn’t the best pitcher manager. Would’ve been even better if that Reds fan was actually Kerry Wood or Mark Prior.
Garrett Jones – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 doubles. Put that through an In-N-Out translator and it’s a “Double-Double animal style.”
Michael Fiers – 2 IP, 8 ER. And now you got Michael Fiers and he’s f**king you.
Carlos Gomez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. He didn’t need the Coors correction, but a three game set stroking the fine imported Kentucky wood in the humidor won’t hurt.
Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-5 with his 13th steal. Young is going to steal 7 bases this week. Say it and it will be true, that’s The Secret.
DJ LeMahieu – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs and 11 for his last 17, as he’s started five straight games. He’s not much more than a schmohawk with some speed, but he is swinging a hot bat. Plus, how awesome was he in Hustle & Flow?
Anthony Rizzo – 4-for-5, raising his average to .306 to go along with his 9 homers. I think Hosmer’s scarred me so badly this year, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go near Rizzo next year. Cust kayin’.
Darwin Barney – 2-for-2 with his 6th homer. The Purple Evolutionist has found a way to survive by being on a terrible team and at a position where they lack depth. If only the dodo could’ve turned a double play.
Jeff Samardzija – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, but he was facing the Astros B-squad. Sorry, meant the Astros B-squat.
Eric Chavez – 2-for-4 with yet another homer. Or a nutter, if you’re from New York. Chavez now has 5 homers in the last ten games. It’s Chavsanity! Hmm, that doesn’t work so well.
Nick Swisher – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs as he hit a grand slam. Still has a long way to go before he approaches A-Rod’s mastery of the grand salami.
Adam Dunn – 3-for-5 with his 32nd and 33rd homers. The Big Donkey Show rides again! Oh, and hello, Googlers of “Big donkey show” + “Grand salami.” We won’t judge you here.
Jake Peavy – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. ERA is now at 3.04. He has the least amount of Wins for having at least 17 Quality Starts. Jason Vargas of the freakin’ Mariners has 17 Quality Starts and 13 wins to Peavy’s 9. My Win Karma is polluted like Michelle Pfeiffer’s womb!
Ben Zobrist – 3-for-4, 1 RBI as he plays shortstop for the 4th time in the last five games and Maddon says he’s gonna be rolling his Ben-Zo out to short for the foreseeable future. Good for his fantasy value and will save gas.
Alex Cobb – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Well, that played exactly how I drew it up on Friday when I told you to grab him for this start vs. the Mariners. Now you can drop the Tampa Bay Peach.
Anibal Sanchez – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Twins. Last nail meet coffin. Coffin meet last nail.
Darin Mastroianni – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (14). How does one get the name Darin with that last name? Is Darin short for Daringiuseppe? He stole 45 bases one year in the minor leagues, and he’ll be filling in for an ailing Span. Not a bad looksie if you’re hurting for steals in deep leagues.
Ryan Doumit – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 14th homer. Ron Popeil’s gotta be happy with that from his catcher slot. Especially if he stuck some rosemary and lemon wedges under his skin. Delicious!
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Sent down to Triple-A. Single-A would make more sense. Or Triple-I.