Can I get a “no” with eleven O’s? I personally don’t have the heart right now to type them all. Yesterday, Giancarlo Stanton, the pride and joy of my heart and the name scribbled all over my Trapper Keeper, said that his knee is bothering him and will continue to bother him. He said it’s “something that’s obviously not going to get much better playing every day.” Of course, like the fortune cookie game where you add “in bed” at the end, everything that Giancarlo says also has, “but I will do my best for my novio, Grey Albright.” You are mi novio too, Giancarlo. We are boy dot-dot-dot friends. There’s a dot-dot-dot in there, but sometimes it feels like there’s not. Court papers say that dot-dot-dot needs to be from 250 feet away. I’m pretty bummed out, because I do think he’ll play 135-ish games, but if he’s not at 100% with his knees, it could hurt his swing and the ten or so steals he can contribute. The best case scenario is once the weather heats up, some of the pain is alleviated and, luckily, he plays in a warm weather city. My sad emoticons are weeping. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Scott Baker – Out for the year with a bad elbow. It’s a painful surgery, but at least it’s roomy in the designated waiting room.
Ryan Braun – Should return on Thursday after he sat out yesterday with minor chest tightness. He must’ve caught the 24-hour shpilkis bug.
George Kottaras – 2-for-3 with his 2nd home run of the year. Him and Wilin should buy Ramon Hernandez and Lucroy some plane tickets to Venezuela. The preceding was not a paid advertisement by the Venezuela Chamber of Commerce.
Justin Verlander – 8 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. One of the more dazzling 4 earned run games I’ve seen in a while. No-hitter into the 5th and a one-hitter going through 8 innings only throwing 81 pitches. Desmond Jennings said, “If you get the ball in between the giant white lines, you’ve accomplished something.” He’s either talking about Verlander or hanging out with a hooker who has aspirations to be an air-traffic controller.
Victor Martinez – Tigers said there’s a chance he could return later this season. Read: In time for the playoffs. I’d continue to ignore for our purposes, or porpoises if dolphins are reading.
Justin Masterson – Ticker shock! The Indians gave up double digit runs, but Masterson’s only credited with 3 ER in 5 IP (albeit with 9 baserunners). Unlike his sister Mary Stuart, he can’t always be some kind of wonderful.
Shelley Duncan – 3-for-5 with a home run. No hand injuries reported yet from his high-fives.
Johnny Damon – Signed with the Indians to be a part-time utility man. While combing his hair, Damon said he was impressed with the Indians strict no-scalping policy.
Cory Luebke – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. Has had a bit of a bumpy start to his season (and a bumpy start to this game), but if you can find a restless owner, I’d definitely see if you can pry him away cheap.
Jon Lester – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks and 116 pitches. Way to unnecessarily extend your ace in his 2nd start of the year. On the positive side, Valentine could help with the ice wrap on his arm since he’s an expert on wraps.
Brandon Belt – Sitting for two straight days seemingly because of his 1-for-10 start. I hope Gallagher mistakes Bochy’s head for a watermelon.
Buster Posey – Missed Wednesday’s start due to shingles, which you don’t get from raising the roof too much.
Tim Lincecum – 2 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. I know one has nothing to do with the other, but why do I suddenly want to bench Bumgarner today?
Nate Schierholtz – 2-for-4 with 2 homers. Don’t even get me started how this guy should’ve been playing every day for the last three years. You killed his spirit, Bochy!
Sergio Santos – Got the save yesterday, but will be away from the club from Thursday until Saturday for the birth of his child. I jumped the gun on the news for Wednesday. You can call me Preemie Grey.
Ricky Romero – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. I was pretty conflicted with whether or not I wanted Romero this year because of his 7-ish K-rate — SPOILER ALERT — Romero’s K-rate is in the box at the end of Seven — and his FIP. I’m glad Rudy pressured me to draft him in one of our leagues.
Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. He got the W with the inverted W motion. He made it through 100 pitches for the first time in his career. God Bless, St. Rasburg.
Drew Storen – Underwent minor elbow surgery. That’s like saying having your tubes tied is minor. Yeah, I suppose it is, but you want someone monkeying by your wrench? The Nats said he should be back before the All-Star break. They previously said he couldn’t throw because of strep throat. Cust kayin’. In yesterday’s game, Henry Rodriguez was warming up for a save opportunity until the Nats tacked on a run to make the point moot. Lidge had also thrown the day before, so the alternating closerousel is still in effect.
Mike Napoli – Was out yesterday after being hit in the temple. Sounds like a religious hate crime.
Peter Bourjos – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs with a home run. I’ll be honest, I feel like people are preparing to lynch me for my ranking of Bourjos, so I’m glad to see him do something. Now, if he did a little more of something, I’d be even happier. If he did a lot of something, I’d be through the Gee Dee roof.
Josh Willingham – 1-for-4 with his third homer as he led the Twins to a 6 run outburst, which, I believe, is the most runs they’ve scored in the last two years.
Starlin Castro – Got his 5th SB and seems cemented in the 3rd spot of the Cubs lineup. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a top 3 SS this year (after Tulo and Hanley). If only he wasn’t constantly being awakened by those screaming lambs.
Aroldis Chapman – 2 IP, 1 baserunner, 5 Ks as he beat Rzepczynki, who couldn’t land any of his letters on a Triple Letter score. 5 Ks in two innings with only one baserunners… Guessing his agent is gonna put out a hit on Dusty any day now.
Joe Weiland – He’s being called up to replace Dustin Moseley. I believe Weiland is a fan of Orange Crush and every game Joe pitches there’s a threat of volcano eruption. He looks like your standard Hodgepadre, which means he’s rosterable in all leagues when he’s pitching at home and a wait-and-see in road games. (Of course, the same goes for Anthony Bass, but he’s less attractive then Weiland.)
Jesus Montero – 1-for-3, 1 RBI with his first start behind the plate. Hallelujah!
Kevin Millwood – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. his old club the Rangers. You know Bartolo Colon with his sneaky 4-ish ERA in a pitchers’ park? That’s Millwood. I call them AL-Only guys that you don’t want to own, but someone’s got to. I never said it was pithy.
Jon Jay – 1-for-3 with a homer from the two hole. If he stays in the two hole and hits, The Federalist could have some nice value.
Jonathan Broxton – Blew yesterday’s game in spectacularly awful fashion. With the bases loaded, he had two straight HBPs. Last time he had two straight of those was when the local Waffle House offered Ham and Bacon Pancakes. I’m sure no one who called me crackers for leading with Broxton in last week’s Sell is gonna say they think Broxton is flipping awesome now. But, Grey, can’t Broxton be good? Sure, Random Italicized Voice, but he’s also been hot garbage for the last two years.
Josh Johnson – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 12 baserunners, 1 K. His brother, Gosh, just shook his head and recounted the Halloween video he did with a tube of K-Y and a gourd that ended equally bad.
Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 3 ER with his first blown save. I think he’s got about five more where that came from and a trip to the Disgraceful List in his future.
Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs. Nursing a hip flexor injury. Is it Tulo injury time already? We couldn’t even get to the All-Star break?
Jason Heyward – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs. Looky, looky, the mirror fogged up that they held up to his nose.
Randall Delgado – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Astros. I know the Astros only have one slugger and he’s currently their closer, but this was a solid start from Delgado. He definitely has upside, just gotta watch for the roofie.
James Shields – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the 1927 Tigers as he turned their sizzle to lean, which is no easy task.
Stephen Vogt – 0-for-4 as he DH’d, which is whatever (outside of two catcher, AL-Only leagues), but it makes me think of how much playing time Brandon Belt would get on the Rays. This is why certain teams win, they play their next generation of players. They don’t let them sit of the effin’ bench for Aubrey effin’ Huff. Can someone start a website, Eff Aubrey Huff dot com? I’m so annoyed; I need to take my “medicine.”
Fernando Rodney – In yesterday’s podcast, I said four different relievers would see a save in the month of April for the Rays. Then Rodney went and got his 3rd save. Maybe it has something to do with the rule of threes, but yesterday’s save (getting called on to start the inning and pitching perfectly) has me thinking Rodney might get the majority of the saves until he totally Mr. Bungles things.
Jeremy Hellickson – Was hit in the head by a ball during batting practice. As frequent commenter, Wake Up, said, “So much for being lucky with balls in play.” Initial signs are that he’s okay for his next start, but they took him to the hospital just nicasio.