You know that slo-mo video of Homer Simpson taking a cannonball off his belly? This looked more painful. When Carlos Santana, the future of the Indians franchise, went down in this collision, his knee said, “I wish I were Joe Theismann’s knee.” To stay in the world of The Simpsons, you can see the exact moment when Cleveland’s heart breaks. Carlos Santana’s collision was like The Decision, Part II. Only more ghoulish. I’d be shocked if Santana’s back this year. Hopefully, he’ll be fine for next year. On the bright side, Cleveland, you’re still not Detroit. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adrian Beltre – 2-for-3, 2 homers and 5 RBIs. Ever wonder how Stonehenge was built? Beltre did it in a contract year.
Kevin Youkilis – Day-to-day with a jammed thumb. My grandmother used to make a delicious thumb jam. I miss you, Minky!
John Lackey – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 14 baserunners, 7 Ks. I dropped him about two starts ago. He then went out and threw a shutout, then a quality start. That gave someone confidence to pick him in my league and start him vs. the Indians. Muahahahahahaha…
Trevor Cahill – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. His K:BB 73:41 in 125 2/3 IP isn’t good. His xFIP is almost a run and a half worse than his ERA. Yet, his 0.99 WHIP and 2.72 ERA make me wish he were beguiling me while I owned him.
Jeremy Hellickson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. I don’t know what the line looks like to you, but I watched 95% of this start. Looked dominating through three and worked around a cheap walk and hit in the fourth, remaining composed. With ease, he was hitting 92 and 93 with his fastball and controlling his off-speed pitches well. He was also sent down right after the game. If you’re out of it in keepers, I’d grab him right now and hold on.
B.J. Upton – 3-for-4 with 3 steals. Well, if it ain’t the Bossman clocking in four months late.
Matt Joyce – 2-for-4 with 3 homers in the last week. He’s not going to win any batting titles, but he does have pop and he’s playing every day.
Dan Wheeler – Got the save since Rafael Soriano had worked three days in a row. Gives you a hint of where Qualls is in the pecking order. See, the guy in the Buddy Holly glasses isn’t as dopey as he looks.
Carlos Pena – Was walking on crutches today. No, it’s not a new dance craze, he has a sore foot.
Justin Morneau – Tried to hit in the cages but couldn’t do it. It’s being speculated that he’s weeks away. Just-Morn, indeed.
Matt Kemp – 5-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. Kemp collected more hits yesterday than he had collectively in the last 8 days. He hasn’t had a crazy hot streak all year. Now would work for me. Get to it!
Travis Wood -7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. You didn’t need to be Ms. Cleo to know this was going to be a nice start for him vs. the Pirates. I’d definitely own him going forward, just be ready to jump ship.
Orlando Cabrera – Left the game with a strained oblique and is headed to the DL. Can’t wait until fifty years from now a player has a groundbreaking surgery to fix obliques and then it’s named after him. Say the Ken Griffey Jr. Jr. Jr. Surgery.
Joey Votto – Sat out yesterday with a sore wrist. Get well soon, Joey!
Joel Hanrahan – Entered a losing game in the 8th. Take whatever you want from that. Still think him and Meek are both vying. Vie, baby, vie!
Rick Ankiel – 2-for-4 as he started vs. a lefty. Cox may be playing Ankiel more than Melky because he’s a better fielder. Doesn’t make Ankiel mixed league material yet, but it’s worth monitoring.
Randy Wells – 4 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. I don’t believe he even wanted to pitch well for the last month. He just wanted to build confidence up in me so he could do this to me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and why do you keep fooling me? Are you mad at me or something? It’s not cool.
Ryan Braun – 5-for-7, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs. Prince Fielder; 5-for-7, 2 Runs, 5 RBIs. McGehee; 2-for-5 with a homer. Hart; 4-for-7. Alcides; 3-for-5. Edmonds; 2-for-3… Even Counsell went 2-for-2. Honestly, I’m not even sure how this game is over. There doesn’t seem like there were enough outs made. Did the Cubs forfeit?
Sean Burnett – 1 2/3 IP and his first save. Somehow Sean is the Burnett you want to own. Go figure. Or don’t. Your choice. Storen pitched 2 innings on Sunday and Burnett entered to face lefties originally. He’s worth owning if you’re hurting for saves, but Burnett will be mostly a situational closer.
Chase Headley – 4-for-5, 3 Runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Nicest thing Headley ever did was have this game on a short schedule day so I didn’t have him on my bench.
Yorvit Torrealba – 3-for-5 and batting near .600 over the last ten games. I doubt it lasts forever, but if you just lost Santana, Yorvit’s hot.
Andrew Bailey – Won’t return when he’s eligible on Friday, but could return soon after. If you think the only German words that have a place in baseball are bratwurst, sauerkraut, and lager, I hear ya, but I’d own Wuertz while Bailey mends.
Ryan Howard – Headed to Philly to be examined by doctors. That’s a good sign in opposite world. While in opposite world, you can pick up Lyle Overbay to be your first baseman. He’s awesome! Hopefully the doctors just need to prescribe some rest and cheese steak soup for Howard.
A.J. Burnett – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. This might be news like, “and water is wet,” but Burnett’s unownable.
Nick Swisher – 2-for-5 and 2 homers. He makes me almost want to add sideburns to my facial hair accoutrements.