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Jorge Soler

Okay, so I’m basically going to have to do a post for every Cubs prospect. They have me prospiqued. I’ve been knocked on the head and no one can find any smelling salts, so they’re holding Cubs prospects under my nose. A Nubian genie is offering me three wishes and I’m taking three Cubs prospects. I already gave you my Jorge Soler fantasy. Today, it’s Kris Bryant and his mollywhopping stick. Maybe next will be Addison Russell. (Can I get a Starlin Castro to Yankees trade already? You know you want to, Yanks.) Bryant has a mollywhopping stick like we haven’t seen since Big Sexy Richie Sexson. Last year at spring training, when I saw Bryant, I was impressed. Looked ready to hit a ball 5,000 feet like he was five hundred Cespedes standing in the batter’s box. When I say mollywhop, you say Bryant. Last year, he had 43 homers in the minors. Um, for those slow on the uptake, they don’t play as many games in the minor leagues. 43 homers in the minors is like 756 homers in 162 major league games for a new major league record (Barry Bonds who?). It wasn’t like Bryant hit for a sucky average either — .355 in Double-A and .295 in Triple-A. He does strikeout a decent amount and that might hurt his average a bit in the majors. Oh, and he has sneaky speed — 15 steals last year. Can I draft him 2nd overall for 2015 right now? I ask, politely. Anyway, what can we expect of Kris Bryant for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The other day I said that Jorge Soler was going to be your top rookie in 2015 fantasy baseball. Big words from a little man. At least I am a man, and not just an italicized voice. Joc Pederson would’ve been the top rookie if I saw the Dodgers committed to him out of spring training. There’s still time for that to happen. Like trading Andre Ethier and Carl Crawford for a middle reliever. I’m not being facetious. Shoot, I don’t even know what facetious means. If someone would take the contracts of Ethier and Crawford for a middle reliever, the Dodgers should jump around like Everlast. The Dodgers owe Ethier and Crawford almost $40 million for 2015 alone. And they’re signed through 2017! Maybe Magic can borrow some of the special sauce from one of his fast food franchises, squirt it on the $40 million and eat it. A’la a commercial jingle, “Two-overpriced-all-stars-from-2009-special-sauce-let-us-get-rid-of-them-on-a-seasame-seed-bun!” Without doing any actual research, I’m gonna say the Dodgers are paying about the same for Ethier and Crawford as the Marlins and Astros are paying for their entire teams. On the fo’really tip, the Dodgers could trade Matt Kemp, Ethier and Crawford for a middle reliever and be a better team next year. At this point, I have nothing but conjecture as to what they will do. My guess is the Dodgers trade Crawford or Ethier with the other becoming one of the highest priced bench players in the history of baseball. Right now, I’m gonna go on the assumption that Pederson isn’t up until June, but when making an assumption, you make an ass out of, um, ption? Anyway, what can we expect of Joc Pederson for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ayo whaddup, it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka White Chocolate aka The Ladder You Use To Reach New Heights aka The God Particle aka Supreme Court Judge Reinhold aka Paid Overtime aka Close Parking Spot When You’re In A Rush aka Al Swearengen’s Swearing Dictionary aka Teacher, We Don’t Need No Education aka The Weird Guy That Latches Onto The Main Character In Oscar Films I Think His Name Is Paul Dano aka The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker. I just spent thirty minutes looking up what Jere Burns has been up to. Ah, the offseason. You are a soothing mistress that touches my naughty bits with idle hands. He’s apparently been doing a bunch, but less than the dad from 7th Heaven, thankfully. A quick preamble about the 2015 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks. Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP. That means no Arismendy Alcantara, no Jimmy Nelson and no Javier Baez. In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout. That wasn’t an accident. I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!” In 2013, the first player I highlighted was Wil Myers (when he was good; you remember that). Last year, I highlighted Billy Hamilton first. You see a pattern? Eh, slow your juices on the thinking. I’ll tell you. The first rookie I highlight will be the top rookie for fantasy. This prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep. Jorge Soler will be your number one 2015 fantasy baseball rookie. Will he be joined on the Cubs by the best core of major league rookies since Cal Ripken’s rookie card? Will Soler be named to the All-Century Team in 86 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue due to trademark infringement only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball? Can Soler be a number one outfielder in 2015? So many questions and so little time to look up Jere Burns info! Anyway, what can we expect of Jorge Soler for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I wonder if Jake Smolinski had a sister that put out in high school. I could’ve swore I hooked up with an Eva Smolinski after her friend Dawn rejected me. Were my Cavariccis cuffed a little too high for you, Dawn? My B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirt too faded? I still hate you! Well, enough about me! *smacks self* Get a grip, man! Smolinski is hitting .408, and crushing pink cookies in a plastic bag since his call up, going 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI yesterday. The Rangers are like a prisoner with a life sentence (no offense to some of our readers; I believe you’re innocent!). Rangers have nothing but time on their hands to play their guys. Is Smolinski anything but a hot schmotato? God, no, but no one is this late in the year. I’d grab him if you need a hot bat, and who doesn’t? Dawn apparently! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Wilmer Flores went 3-for-4, 2 runs, 6 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homers. With David Wright hurt, Flores has been playing every day. The Mets are thankfully still able to get Ruben Tejada into their lineup. The Mets said, “We’ve wanted to drop Tejada, send down Tejada or trade Tejada for a nickel on a dollar, but since we can’t figure out the paperwork, we’re playing him every day for the last three years.” No Met in particular said that; all of them did. Why do I care about Flores playing? In Triple-A in 2013, he hit 15 homers and .321 in 107 games. That was when he was 22 years old. Maybe he’s not God’s answer to Bac-Os and able to make every game better, but I bet he could’ve been as good as David Wright this year. The reason why baseball people and the media doesn’t like Wilmer is he fields like he has a golden glove. Not that he won a golden glove. Like he’s literally trying to catch grounders with a metal statue. If he gets a job out of spring training in fifteen after twenty, this won’t be the last time you hear me try to convince people Wilmer Flores isn’t bad. For now, he’s only viable in very deep leagues as we watch Flores’s stock bloom. Flores’s stock bloom! Flores’s stock bloom! Springtime for Wilmer, and the Mets… (BTW, when did this site become so pro-Mets? I feel dirty. Though, that could be because I haven’t showered since March.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jeff Locke ($7,900) is a solid play today in DraftKings contests with a good matchup against the Chicago Cubs. Jeff’s great-great-grandfather John defined the “self” through the continuity of consciousness. Cool stuff – but all I really need Jeff to do is pitch seven or so strong innings with a decent strikeout total. Against the Cubs it really shouldn’t be much of an uphill climb. Chicago owns the worst strikeout percentage in the major leagues against left-handed pitching (25.3%). Sprinkle in the fact that they will be without both Anthony Rizzo and Jorge Soler this weekend and we’ve got a recipe for success at under $8K. Locke is coming off a great start as well. The 23-year-old left-hander worked the Phillies for seven innings with nine strikouts and only three hits allowed on Monday.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check theDFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Baltimore’s shiny new outfielder, Alejandro de Aza, was 4-for-9 with two triples and 2 RBI in yesterday’s double header. Welcome to Plaza de Aza, where we help win fantasy baseball leagues for you. Perhaps you hadn’t noticed in the past five days Alejando de Aza has been doing work for his new team, gathering in a hit in his sixth straight start. He’s also got two stolen bases, two homers, five runs and six RBI in that stretch and he’s doing every thing he can to contribute to the O’s postseason run and your fantasy team right now. Buck Showalter is clearly feeling what Alejandro’s putting out there, as de Aza is steadily moving his way up to the top of the lineup. If he gets hot, he’s a guy that could help you in a lot of categories in the two final weeks. Grey told you to BUY him and don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone who you’re dropping or selling to pick up this hot little crab cake, be it Giancarlo Stanton, Chris Davis, Josh Hamilton, Anthony Rizzo, your soul, etc. Just don’t think about it. Forget about it. Just do the deed, close your eyes and click add/drop. You’re trying to win this thing and Alejandro can help.

Here’s what else happened Friday night in fantasy baseball:

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Shields’s season proves one thing. He doesn’t answer to you, he doesn’t answer to anyone. Not today, not tomorrow, not even on Cinco de Mayo. Then Shields steals a knot of hundreds from a drug dealer, nurses a drug addict mother back to health and then kills a criminal only to cover it up. Shields, the anti-hero. Oops, I was watching a best of The Shield, and Vic Mackey had me feeling dirty, like a renegade cop! The renegade cop — fun on TV or movies; pain in the ass in real life. In September, James Shields has a 0.00 ERA, rolling off of yesterday’s 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks with his ERA down to 3.13. His season has really been all over the map from month to month. On the bad side of things, May ERA 4.69 and June ERA 4.88. On the good side of things, July ERA 2.63; April ERA 1.60; August ERA 2.95, and the aforementioned September. Maybe the Royals knew something when they traded away Wil Myers. Or maybe we can at least pretend they did for this year. “I got short term eyes, not to be confused with short eyes like Elmore Leonard.” That’s Dayton Moore. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The other day I talked about the dark underbelly of roster expansion and how, due to teams not DL’ing their players, it can actually hurt us in this thing we call life. Well, some of us call it fantasy baseball instead of life. Some of the less obsessed of us. To those people, I ptooey in your direction. If you’re not completely obsessed over your hobby, let me say this… Get a new hobby! The national pastime’s pastime? Maybe if you’re a stutterer! This shizz is more like the national pastime’s full-time, 24/7 job like taking care of your uncle who has been lying on your sofa for a month because your aunt started dating a guy she met on Tinder! “Uncle Frank, maybe you put on sweatpants so I can have company.” No, Uncle Frank won’t put on sweatpants, just like you won’t have company until you find another first baseman to replace Anthony Rizzo. Uncle Frank is comfortable in his gotchies! Are you kapeeshing me? So, Rizzo has a muscle strain, and the Cubs said they would DL him if the rosters hadn’t expanded, but instead they’re going to let Anthony Rizzo slice garlic really thin — so thin it melts when it hits the pan — while he whittles away the year on the bench. Sadly, you have to move on to another first baseman in redraft leagues. You can’t count on him the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry, I ran out of “solar energy” puns and “Cirque du Soler” was already taken by Keith Law, so I went with Seinfeld. As I write this, I am stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery. [Jay's Note: That's hot.] We need to mention Jorge Soler (+91%) one more time though. His 91% increase in ownership was by far the highest jump this week. It’s also the highest increase I’ve seen since I started writing this trash/treasure waiver wire column. Soler continued to make the game look easy on Monday. Batting fifth for the Cubs, the 22-year-old outfielder went 2-for-4 with two doubles and a run scored. He has an extra-base hit in each of his first five games.

It’s not like we didn’t see this coming. Soler was a big sign for the Cubs but injuries hindered his development at times. Earlier this season was a good buy-low opportunity in dynasty leagues actually, as Soler did not even appear in some mid-season Top 50 prospect lists. In Triple-A, Soler had a similar August as fellow Cubs prospect Kris Bryant. For the month Bryant hit .274/.435/.579 with 8 homers and 19 RBIs in 117 plate appearances, while Soler hit .276/.364/.598 with 6 homers and 24 RBIs in 99 plate appearances. They are both 22 years old. It’s scary to think what this lineup could do if all the parts click. You shouldn’t need me or anybody else to tell you to go out and add him. Here are this week’s other big adds and drops in fantasy baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?