On this episode of Solid Goldschmidt, we have Neil Young performing, “I’ve Been Searchin’ For a Heart of Goldschmidt,” and later the nursery rhyme, “John Jacob Paul Goldschmidt, His Name Is On My Buy List Too,” song by Various Artists. Well, I’m just full of Goldschmidt! Goldschmidt may have Growing Pains but don’t call him Tracey. Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns… Breathe! Remove the cigarette and put on the oxygen mask — stat! When Goldschmidt was called up, trades were going down — the end of July is kind of a big deal! — so Goldschmidt never got his lead. Well, here we are. Paul Goldschmidt hit 30 homers in Double-A this year with 9 steals. Go for the Goldschmidt! Geez, I’m trying to stop. In most mixed leagues where you’re struggling with your corner infidel, I’d give him a shot. There’s Goldschmidt in dar hills! Okay, done. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Derek Holland – I’m not a huge fan of borderline Ranger starters. Sorry, Nolan. Their home park is Coors South. Seems like at any moment Holland could give up seven earned runs in two-thirds of an inning. Now that I’ve undersold (underbought?) him, he does have three shutouts in his last five starts.
Brett Cecil – Member what I said earlier today? Actually, I’m writing this before I said anything, but I’m sure I’ll say something. I always do. Oh, Grey.
Ivan Nova – 5 IP, 1 ER or 6 IP, 4 ER. That would be my exacta box if I had to choose Nova’s next start.
James McDonald – I almost called him James McStreamer. He’s been solid for the last two months, besides a start in Citizens Flank and yesterday. Can’t hold that against him; a lot better pitchers have been hit hard in Philly and yesterday’s start was four earned on four hits, that’s just mistimed big hits.
Alex Cobb – The Tampa Bay Peach has an ERA of 2.79, a WHIP of 1.20 and he gets those not-so-Athletics tomorrow. Yes, please and why not?
Charlie Furbush – Then after you pick him up you can cheer him on, “I love Furbush!” and your significant other can overhear and misunderstand you like in an O. Henry story and throw out her razors.
Jason Kipnis – Nothing says nourishing like some homers from Kipnis and a side of stuffed derma.
Brett Lawrie – Hope you didn’t miss out on him to the guy in your league that owns Desmond Jennings. People will point and laugh at you. Can you handle that sort of ridicule?
Chris Davis – It’s easy to look past his three years of failed hitting…Actually, it’s not easy to look past it. His grandmother Ann B. Davis would be very disappointed, and she’s fun-loving and carefree. If you’re really struggling at a corner slot, you could do worse (though not much, potentially).
Eric Young Jr. – Playing and stealing… Because he can! (And Tracy’s playing him and he’s fast.)
Eduardo Nunez – In one of my deepish leagues, someone dropped Eduardo Nunez. On one hand, I understand it. He’s not doing all that much. Then on the other hand, he can slot in at MI and steal bases. Then on the the third lesser known hand that is actually just a big ear, you should probably play the hot hand… Wait, another hand? Now I’m confused.
Rafael Furcal – Member when he was good? Yeah, I faintly do too. Was a while ago. He looks like he’s hitting now between DL stints, so it’s worth a flyer.
Dee Gordon – See Eric Young Jr. or an inch above.
Josh Willingham – The other white meat is hot with a side order of hot schmotato.
J.D. Martinez – The only thing standing between you and J.D. Martinez is the common sense that says don’t pick up an Astros hitter. I get it, but in some deep NL-Only leagues you have no choice.
Mike Carp – He keeps hitting but without power because he plays in one of those godforsaken ballparks that end in -co. We’ve cleaned baseball of steroids… Now move the fences in 100 feet! I miss 70 homer seasons. (Yet, no one thought it was weird at the time. 70 homers?!)
Lucas Duda – If I keep touting him, people are gonna start to think I really like this schmohawk. I mean, he’s a’ight. The preceding was taught in Hedging Your Fantasy Advice 101 at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. You, “This guy is a fraud. I’ve done Google searches and the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston appears nowhere except on this site. I tried Bing and it doesn’t show up there either. What gives, Grey? This isn’t a ruse, is it? I can’t handle ruses.”
Danny Espinosa – I’ll be honest, I hate doing these Sells. The Buys either hit or they don’t and you drop them. The Sells require you to drop them, then they get hot out of nowhere and you end up sending me anthrax. With that said, Espinosa’s doing a whole lot of nothing. He’s dug himself a hole — and I mean a hole literally and figuratively — and the best I see from him is maybe 6 more homers, a few steals and a lousy average. You can probably find that elsewhere, unless your league is so deep you can’t. These are decisions for you to make. Or not.
Rajai Davis – In most leagues, you want someone who is going to steal bases AND (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) play every day. Right now, Davis is on the outside looking in on a Jays lineup that is filled with one outfielder, two 3rd basemen and six DHs.
Jordan Zimmermann – I told you to trade him a little over a month ago. Now you’re lucky to get the Padres top prospect, Nadir Bupkis.
Anibal Sanchez – Has nearly a 5.00 ERA in the last month and a half. BTW, you think Anibal and Gaby Sanchez ever double date with two girls named Kevin and Bob?
Juan Pierre – Has 4 steals in the last two months. Or one less than Eric Young Jr. in the last week. Since we started this post with a nod to Kanye, let’s end it the same way, “You’ve been putting up for Alex Rios for way too long…. Kenny Williams is so gifted at findin’ what you don’t like the most… So I think it’s time for us to have a toast… Let’s have a toast for Juan Pierre who stopped stealing bags… Let’s have a toast for Adam Dunn who’s in an o-for-78 hole… Let’s have a toast for Alex Rios who raised the white flag… Let’s have a toast for Gordon Beckham who didn’t have the decency to take a day off…”