Oh, Hanley Ramirez is Hanley Ramirez, and a guy that will play a bit bruised giving it his all is a guy that will play a bit bruised giving it his all, and never the twain shall meet. (I think a “twain” is a train as pronounced by Elmer Fudd. Don’t quote me on that though. It could be referring to Shania. My Google’s broke so I’m shooting from the hip.) Hanley playing with Pujols’ level of dedication is probably the best shortstop anyone has ever seen. Hanley as he is now is probably Andruw Jones in five years. As I’ve said before about Manny, insouciance doesn’t age well. Hanley hasn’t played since last Wednesday, but for now he’s listed as day-to-day. Half of me says hold out hope for Hanley to return ASAP. The other half of me says he has 2 homers and 4 steals this month. You can probably find that production elsewhere in the last two weeks. Since Hanley is undroppable in most formats, it’s all probably moot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Volstad – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks as he handily beat Carpenter (6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks) and the Cardinals. I’ll tell ya what, when the Cards fold, they don’t play.
Jair Jurrjens – Was scratched with a bum knee. Was he sleeping in a cardboard box?
Erick Aybar – Shut down for the season. Back date that to March.
Josh Hamilton – I know it’s a broken record at this point, but he’s so not coming back before the playoffs….he’s so not coming back before the playoffs.
Derek Holland – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K as Holland got clogged.
Craig Breslow – Got the save while Andrew Bailey sat on the bullpen bench and I sat on my couch waiting for the stupid A’s announcers to say why Bailey wasn’t closing, which they never did. I grabbed Breslow in one league because I’m a saves addict.
David Murphy – 5-for-5. Seriously, pick him up.
Chris Davis – Hit his first home run of the season. On September 20th. Ouch.
Felix Hernandez – The M’s are talking about limiting him to only two more starts even though the schedule has him getting three more. But if the Comatose Mariners Fan wakes, tell him the M’s are saving Felix for the playoffs.
Jason Kubel – Expects to start today for the first time since last Wednesday. If he doesn’t return today and returns on Wednesday, he’ll be Kubelated.
Joe Mauer – Will have an MRI on Tuesday then the Twins will say something like, “He should be fine in a few days,” then Mauer will miss most of the rest of the season after the Twins clinch.
Jimmy Rollins – Not close to returning. I’d like to say he’s going to be underrated in next year’s drafts, but I get the feeling Rollins is taking cues from Glass Chipper for the 2nd half of his career.
Jose Valverde – Went for an MRI yesterday. For what it’s Wuertz, I dropped Valverde in one league. In related news, Coke looks like the pickup since he got the save yesterday.
Coco Crisp – Out for the season. Hey, Coco felt a pop so I guess that’s cheerio.
Yuniesky Betancourt – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer. Betcha can’t guess who is 6th in homers for all shortstops in the major leagues. Okay, was kinda easy because I put it in Betancourt’s blurb. Blurb this! Geez, 16 homers is a lot nowadays for shortstops… I have a fun new rule. We allow steroids for only one position a year. It’s a secret which position it is and then they announce it in October. Be like an XFL infusion into MLB.
Wilson Betemit – 3-for-5 as he stays hot, hitting over .400 in the last week. Do what you do, friend.
Zack Greinke – 6 IP, 5 ER. Yeah, you would’ve been better off drafting Brett Myers. Now go stick your head in the oven.
Will Rhymes – 1-for-5 and his 1st career homer. Hate to be the rain on the Rhymes’ parade, but where the eff is the speed?! He had 22 steals in the minors this year in 95 games, he has zero in 43 major league games. It’s rhyming and stealing! Not rhyming and sitting on first!
Rick Porcello – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 2 Ks as the Royals got feisty and Porcello went mushaboom.
Alex Avila – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and a homer. He’s hitting over .400 this week (only 4 games) and he’s been known to get hot for a week or two at a time. Guess how much time is left in the season? You’re good today!
Curtis Granderson – 2-for-3 with 2 homers and a steal. Here’s a random prediction: Grandy comes up huge in the postseason and gets overrated again next year.
Mark Teixeira – He’s back in the lineup! He went 0-for-5. Sad trombone plays.
Gavin Floyd – Left yesterday’s game with tightness in his shoulder. Sorry, that was me sticking needles in my Floyd voodoo doll. He’ll probably be shut down for the year.
Bobby Jenks – According to Ozzie, Jenks will only pitch another inning or two this season, if that. Sounds like he’s effectively shut down. I’d grab Sale, Thornton and Putz, in that order. Or STP, for you fans of rock acronyms.
Chris Carter – 1-for-34 in his major league career. At 6-5 and 231 lbs., you’d think the splash would be a bit bigger.
Bud Norris – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks. His walks have been getting a bit out of control. 13:20 BB:K in the last three games. Well, whatevs. He gets the Pirates next.
Brian Duensing – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks. Yeah, you would’ve been better off with Duensing the last two months instead of Greinke. Back to the oven!
Danny Valencia – Hit his third homer in four days. Yes, you should grab him. Yup, right now.
Drew Stubbs – 1-for-4 with a homer and 3 Ks. That’s so Stubbs! He’s like a puppy trying so hard to please. Someone shine a flashlight on 2nd base today so we can get some steals.
Joey Votto – Hit his 35th homer yesterday. Dusty said that he’ll give Votto a day or two off once the Reds clinch the division. I said, why can’t the Cards play better so Votto has to keep playing? Dusty said, do I know you? I said, I was the one driving the car when Mark Prior egged your house. Dusty said, you made me remove my toothpick for that conversation?