Four full days without fantasy baseball!? I know, it was brutal. How are we possibly supposed to keep ourselves occupied when we’re not refreshing our team pages every two minutes? In all seriouslyness, there are plenty of alternatives to constantly monitoring your team, for example: speak to a loved one, watch the All-Star Game (yaaaawn), go outside, play real baseball (have a catch with the old man?), Google cat videos, or if you dare not venture too far out of your comfort zone, perhaps you can start to prepare for your fantasy football draft? I hear this Tim Tebow foosballer is quite the fantasy stud, but that’s precisely why I don’t give fantasy football advice. Unfortunately, I was unable to heed my own advice and I spent most of my fantasy break refreshing the Rotowire over and over for news on players I don’t own and never will and, of course, following the constant updates on the Dwight Howard trade saga that will probably never happen. OH MY GOD JUST SIGN WITH LA, NO ONE CARES ANYMORE! Anyway my own personal “Dwightmare” (ie four days without fantasy baseball, ermahgerd!) is finally over and after mentioning Tebow and Dwight Howard on a fantasy baseball blog the rust is clearly showing, so let’s get right to it, because I know we’re all starving for stats:
Mark Teixeira — 2-for-4 with 2 HRs and 5 RBIs. The streak continues! Grey has done it again. Now three weeks in a row the highlight of Grey’s BUY has gone on to hit 2 HRs Friday night (first Jennings, then Colvin, now Teix). He’s a wiiiiiiiitch!!!! No, but seriously, how about throwing me a bone and buying Adrian Gonzalez next week?
Here’s what else happened Friday night in fantasy baseball:
Alfonso Soriano — 4-for-4 with 2 HRs and 5 RBIs. Dios mio! Alfonso looked like his old young self yesterday as the Cubbies roughed up Ian Kennedy for 6 ER. Soriano can be a great source of power when he’s having one of his patented homer binges. If there’s a chance he’s still out there on the wire, grab him while he’s hot, or as the mercurio he is, grab him while it’s hot.
Justin Masterson — 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 ER, 5 Ks and his 6th win. Masterson sure is inconsistent, but he has thrown some gems so far this year. He got rocked by the Rays last week (4.1 IP, 8 ER), so I might have been hesitant to start him in Tampa next Wednesday, but then I remembered it’s the Rays so I am starting him anyway. What’s the worst that could happen? /starts Masterson in Tampa /Justin gives up 10 ER in .1 IP, then explodes.
Ricky Romero — 6.0 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks. Romero has had his ups and downs this season, to be fair mostly downs, but I’m buying Romero’s second half. Oh Ricky, he’ll be fine, everyone’s so down on you, it blows my mind. Hey Ricky! Clap Clap Clap. Based on his history, I gotta believe he will get better, BUT I still wouldn’t start him at Yankee Stadium next week even if I had a gun to my head. (And if you’re holding a gun to my head over that, you are even more obsessed with fantasy than I am and you should probably take a step back, go outside and Google cat videos.)
Miguel Cabrera — 2-for-4 with his 19th home run. If anyone can give Ryan Braun (or dare I say, Michael Nelson Trout?) a run for number one, it’s Miguel Cabrera. Getting Miggy With It, indeed. Hey, speaking of which, you know what the world could use? A new Will Smith movie-inspired song!
Jhonny Peralta — 2-for-5 with a 2-run homer. Another guy I could see having a better second half, and I usually don’t trust guys who misplace their “h’s.” (I’m looking at you, Jhoulys Chacin), but jhust go with it!
Mark Trumbo — 2-for-4 with a 3-run homer, his 23rd. *Sad trumbone. Unfortunately, there’s no happy trumbone sound, but that’s what this home run would have sounded like.
Mike Trout — 2-for-4 to bring his average up to .344. Trout also stole 2 bases, and if I’m not mistaken, I think he might have stolen my wallet! It’s cool and all, I just hope he isn’t creeped out by the photo of him I have in there.
Pedro Ciriaco — 3-for-3 with 2 RBI and a SB. He’s 10-for-16 since being called up. Grey told you to buy him, too! Holy S! Praise him. If you need speed, Ciriaco could be a great add in the short term until Dustin Pedroia returns to the lineup. But I’m gonna have to disagree with Grey, Frankie Muniz absolutely is a race car driver (and a rock star drummer)! Life is unfaaaair…
Jacoby Ellsbury — 1-for-5 in his return from the DL. If you can get an Ellsbury owner to sell low based on today’s performance, that owner is an idiot and you should take advantage of him as much as possible. If he can stay healthy, Jack (can I call you, Jack?) Ellsbury can be one of the best in the league.
Jordan Zimmermann — 6.0, 4 H, 0 ER, 6 Ks. It was absolutely Zimmermania last night as Ryan Zimmerman went 3-for-4 with a 3-run homer (his 4th of the month). If I were to buy a Nats jersey, it makes sense that a Zimmerman(n) would be the most practical, right? No? Still Strasburg and Harper? Yeah, I thought so.
Justin Ruggiano — 1-for-3 with 3 SBs. Grey told you to buy him again this week! Larva to butterfly, potatoes to hot schmotatos, I’d BUY J-Ruggz while he is still a butterfly, but be aware that butterflies don’t live very long. And for those of you who found us Googling “butterfly,” stick around as there’s plenty more insect analogies to come!
Cliff Lee — 6.0 IP, 9 H, 2 ER, 4 Ks and his 6th loss. Tough assignment at Coors, but I feel like The Adverb is now intentionally losing these games, just buying time for me to trade for him so he can reel off 5-10 quality starts in a row. I suggest you do the same. (For the record, angry Phillies’ fans, Cliff Lee is not actually intentionally throwing games for my fantasy team).
Josh Rutledge — 2-for-2 with 2 RBIs and a SB in his MLB debut. For now, he’s a NL-only, deeper mixed league option for those who need MI help, but if he’s getting the PT, I’m keeping my good eye on him (BTW, I’m a pirate).
Francisco Liriano — 8.0 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks. I’m pretty sure I told you to pick him up last week…#humblebrag
Josh Willingham — 2-for-3 with 2 HRs. J-Will’s got power like a…beetle? (OK, that one was a stretch but I’m a man of my word.)
Chipper Jones — 2-for-4 with his 7th HR. Chipper still riding the high from the emotional All Star game victory. He couldn’t be reached for comment post game, he was taking his nap.
Andrew McCutchen — 3-for-4 with his 19th HR. He is good at baseball.
Neil Walker — 1-for-4 with a 3-run HR. His hitting streak is now at 13 games and he’s getting seriously hot at just the right time. He bats in front of the Dread Pirate, he can hit home runs, he can steal bases, what more do you need from your second baseman? He’s still not quite 100% owned, so let’s make it happen.
Ryan Braun — 4-for-4 with 2 HRs and 3 RBIs. Not to be outdone by McCutchen, Ryan ordered the slam and legs with an extra order of slam and an HGH smoothie to wash it all down. It was just muscle milk, bro! Don’t hate.
Adam Dunn — 2-for-4 with a 2-run HR. His 26th home run as he bats .212. Yeesh. Big Donkey power–activate! Hee-haaaaw!
Dayan Viciedo — 2-for-5 with a 3-run homer. Not sure if all that hee-hawing is rubbing off on Tank, but if another one of his power binges is starting, you’re gonna want him in your line up.
Adrian Beltre — 1-for-4 with a 2-run HR. Yo, Adrian, do I really have no other ideas for jokes here, or is the name “Adrian” just too much to resist doing Rocky week after week?
Matt Kemp — 2-for-4 as Kemp picked up right where he left off. No one was happier to have Matt back than Clayton Kershaw (6.0 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks and his 7th win), who rebounded big from last week’s stinker to get the win. Andre Ethier (0-for-3) also returned from the DL in this game and Kenley Jansen got his 16th save. The LA Dodgers are back, baby! Well, they still kind of stink, and it was the Padres. But Matt Kemp is back, baby!