As I awake from my winter hibernation where dreams of twins named Thompson abounded, I realize the time is neigh to learn you all about the potential holds fantasy standouts for the upcoming year. Anyone that knows me knows I love relief pitching, come into my apartment you will see embroidered pillows with my favorite relievers over the years stitched in effigy. Now you’re prolly saying, “Smokey, my league doesn’t use holds,” I say blasphemy. Counting stats is the key here, holds are a category but the counting peripheral numbers they will aide is the key to fantasy prosperity. Everybody knows the key guys below that have a lot of value in most leagues, but I am here to tell you about them (again!) plus the guys that will be useful and aren’t the fantasy stalwarts that we are accustomed. Much props to the Don of Holds who is still searching for a job, Arthur Rhodes. I hope his first hold is a masculine one. So enjoy the list of these middle men who help out Holds for 2012 fantasy baseball:
David Robertson – How good was he last year? He finished 11th in the C Young voting and 22nd in the MVP. It’s the highest ranking I could find since 1996 for a non-closing reliever.
Mike Adams – Has become the Cy Spurling of holds. Should reach consigliere status to Art Rhodes.
Glen Perkins – A personal fave of mine because he prolly goes 15/15. For those of you slow on the button, that’s saves and holds.
Jesse Crain – Won’t be caught up in the Reed/Thornton closing sitch. Will plod along as being the most underrated reliever in the AL, and make the All Star game because of it.
Greg Holland – Future closer, but has guys that look the part better for now in front of him. So he is relegated to set-up and has to bide his time like Cobra Commander.
Casey Janssen – Is behind the Latino puppet show known as CoCo and Sergio. Could be a good vulture win candidate again this year, and who doesn’t like something of the aviary variety.
Tony Sipp – Three 6 Mafia must have been fantasy ballers, predicting the future. Cause I would Sipp it faster then Jonny Jolly can make it. On a side note, go buy stock in Vinnie Pestano, if you don’t know now you ya know.
Scott Downs – One season in last 5 with an ERA over 3. Crazy good and will see tons of leads with the celestial bodies.
Joel Peralta – My second 15/15 guy here. Has the guy who used to carry P Diddy’s umbrella ahead of him. Yeah, nuff said.
Joaquin Benoit – Is it just me or whenever you see the name Joaquin you think about a cleft palette? Primary to Valverde, which is hamslapping fantastic.
Sergio Romo – No Tony Romo cracks here… Okay, I lied. He has the same amount of wins in the playoffs as Tony. Uber effective RH who could fill in if Wilson’s Beard has an out of body experience.
Jose Veras – Who? Yeah, exactly. Had a sneaky great year in the Land of Three Rivers last year.
Marc Rzepczynski – Bobby Digital makes the list, for two reasons. One, I like attempting to spell his name and failing then having to cut and paste it. Second, he isn’t anywhere near the closer spot in the Lou and will see lots of hold opps.
David Hernandez – Literally waiting for a Putz to fail. Oh, the irony is just to easy write about so go out get a Mad Libs and create your own.
Bill Bray – Loogy’s and Dusty, sounds like a trailer park brochure description. Nope, it’s the Nati’s bullpen.
Antonio Bastardo – Pitches like he really has a daddy, though we read it and he seems like he doesn’t… Weird, but true.
Sean Marshall – Looks like there is a new sheriff in Cincinnati. Oh, Pun Fairy, you kill me. Here is a dollar go away. Madson’s elbow is kinda wonky already, so the Marshall could reach that 15/15 status.