It’s a wrap for Jose Bautista in 2012. See you around like a donut in 2013. It’s far from breaking news that he’s done for the year. It looked like it was headed that way for the last few days. As an aptly-named, pessimistic Polish man would be named, Bummerooski. He didn’t have the year you grew accustomed to after having a few years that you weren’t accustomed to. (Or maybe it’s, Bautista had a season you were expecting if he didn’t have the years you weren’t expecting? Or maybe, he had a season you knew was coming because of seasons you didn’t know were coming? I’ve painted myself into a logic corner and I’m getting hungry.) Too bad the Jays weren’t in the pennant race, Bautista could’ve pulled a Schilling and had a bloody wristband throughout the playoffs. What I’m more curious about — I’m curious, y’all! — is what is Bautista going to do in 2013? Thanks, awkward segue! He’s going to need four months to rehab and wrist surgeries are always terrific for hitters, right? Oh. He went from having an MRI show no damage, then he played and then he couldn’t because he needs surgery to “fix instability in the area.” Instability in the area? Is his wrist being earthquake-proofed? If he can come back from wrist surgery, he should be fine, but I’m not going anywhere near him in the first two rounds of fantasy drafts next year. One setback, and he’s not playing until June. In keepers, it’s not a great day for Bautista owners. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s post, just wanted to say we have frequent commenter/sometimes contributor, Awesomus Maximus, manning our Twitter account (I’m still not at Twitter, so don’t ask team questions there; ask them, as always, in the comments). Eyether the hoo! Awesomus wanted me to tell people that he started a hashtag — #MTISG — which stands for “Mike Trout Is So Good…” For instance, “Mike Trout is so good he once signed an autograph for Derek Jeter while stealing 3rd base.” So, tweet @Razzball and @Trouty20 with #MTISG and for the funniest one at the end of the season, I’ll send you a Razzball t-shirt. Anyway II, the roundup:
Stephen Strasburg – 5 IP, 5 ER, 14 baserunners, 3 Ks. Conspiracy Theory Alert! What if the Nats told Strasburg to take a dive — to throw this game away — just so when they limit his innings in September there’s no uproar from the fan base. You may not think much of this conspiracy, but anyone who lived through Sgt. Slaughter and The Iron Sheik getting pulled over by the cops in the same car knows what’s up.
Matt Kemp – He ran into a wall and took a left (center) across his jaw, sending him down for the count. Preliminarily tests are showing no signs of a concussion. That’s the good news. The bad news is he’s headed for a CAT scan on his jaw, and an MRI on his knee. Hopefully, he tried that hospital Living Social off shoot, Living Socialized Medicine.
Justin Verlander – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER, 15 baserunners, 6 Ks. His one-hitters and no-hitters shook out the couch cushion and look what they found.
Delmon Young – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd game in a row with a homer, which is better than a homer in a game with cornrows, Colby Rasmus. In the last week, Young is also hitting .400. It’s worth giving him a shot if you’re struggling at an outfield slot.
Johnny Giavotella – 2-for-4 with a steal, is 4 for his last 8 and had a baby with Snooki. That’s a huge week for Giavotella and a future designated driver for mom. If you need cheap speed at the middle infidel, I’d take a flyer on Giavotella.
Logan Morrison – Having knee surgery on September 5th after saying he needed knee surgery back in March. Luckily, he didn’t have anything life-threatening. This reminds me of when my stepfather put off hernia surgery for 12 years because he didn’t want anyone messing with his junk. That made sense. You got to protect the junk drawer at all costs. Morrison’s needed surgery for the last 4 months and has been sidelined for the last month, waiting for the surgery. Did he go to a very popular doctor-slash-deli and pulled number 99? Now he has to rehab for six months. I think I would’ve found time in my schedule to get the surgery a little quicker. The Marlins and Morrison are a bunch of schmohawks. /Grey annoyed
Justin Ruggiano – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Well, that clears up whether or not yesterday was some Mayan calendar hex against Justins. Anyone know any other Verlanders?
Ricky Nolasco – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Finally, he makes good on his preseason hype from 2008!
Randy Wolf – Signed with Baltimore. Maybe one of Marlo’s soldiers will tell Randy to send Mark Reynolds around the corner for a meeting.
Chris Tillman – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 4 walks, 5 Ks. He’s been on par with the rest of the Orioles starters, which is to say around a 3.75 ERA, solid-not-spectactular Ks and a xFIP just above 4. You know who these starters are, they sit on the top of waivers for about 3 weeks then you pick them up and they misplace your ratios in a public restroom.
Lew Ford – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games. One time, Ty Wigginton was a hot schmotato for 17 minutes, only to go cold by the time the Phils batted around, so hot bats come in all sizes, but Lew Ford? Really? Really, Seth Myers?
Adam Jones – 1-for-3 with his first homer since July 27th. I have no way of proving these are related, but just yesterday some people were asking if they could drop Jones. You say coincidence, I say whoa.
James McDonald – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Cards, which comes a game after he was hit in Petco. Now, I have no idea if this is the Old McDonald, Old Old McDonald, New Old McDonald or New New Old McDonald. Hopefully it won’t matter for his next start vs. the Lastros.
Pedro Alvarez – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs, 2 homers and a triple shy of the cycle. Nice that he finally figured things out a year after I went batshizz crazy for him. Last year, he’d sit out because he sucked so bad and I’d lie to myself, saying he walked 4 times. Cause that was our relationship, he sucked and I lied to myself about it. Alvarez, I would’ve caught a grenade for you. You bastard!
Chase Utley – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer as Ryan Howard also hit his 9th homer yesterday (a grand slam). For the one Philly fan who got conked on the head in March and thinks this is April, it’s a happy day.
B.J. Rosenberg – 1 IP, 4 ER. Real bad day for Zimmermaniacs.
Alfredo Aceves – 1 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Last week, Valentine and Aceves had it out because Aceves wanted to be the closer and Valentine opted for Bailey. So last night, Aceves went out and threw a scoreless 8th inning, and, rather than pull him, Bobby Valentine sent Aceves right back out there to lose the game in the 9th. This is the managerial equivalent to the “I’m not touching you” game where you hold your finger just away from someone’s face, taunting them until they punch you.
Yovani Gallardo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.52 and adding to his 9th best in the major leagues strikeout total. I look forward to his disgruntled owners next May asking if they can drop him.
Denard Span – Will go for an MRI after previously refusing because he’s claustrophobic. Don’t tell Span, but earth is actually inside a galaxy that’s shaped like an MRI machine.
Wilin Rosario – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Aren’t you glad you got rid of him because he wasn’t starting every day?
Adeiny Hechavarria – 1-for-3 with a homer. Scott, our prospect writer, calls Hechavarria a defense-first shortstop, which sounds about right for this year. He might give a bit of speed while he fills in for Lawrie, but outside of deep AL-Only and keeper leagues, he’s not worth much. Also, I’m guessing his family name is from someone talking with their mouth full. You know how they say to dopey kids in school, “Hey, at least you got your name right!” Well, I’m not sure they said that to Hechavarria. BTW, Scott, our prospect writer, is on this afternoon’s podcast. Aw, sook-sook.
Phil Hughes – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. When I saw this line, the first thing I did was look to see what score the Stream-o-Nator gave Hughes. A 92, which isn’t close to safe. S.O.N., “It’s safe it you don’t have your cougar carry around your balls.”
Yadier Molina – Left yesterday’s game after a home plate collision. For now, the Cards are saying he’s day-to-day with upper back, shoulder and neck strains. He said after the game, “I haven’t been in that bad of a home plate collision since Momma Molina returned home with one Fudgie the Whale and only two spoons.”
Chris Carpenter – Threw 40 pitches in a bullpen session, then said he might not be done for the year in a bullish*t session.
Todd Frazier – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs. Now batting .295 with 18 homers vs. Rolen’s 6 homers and .253 average. It’s absolutely absurd that Dusty says he’s going to bench Frazier when Votto returns, which means that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
Jeremy Affeldt – Left the team to be with his wife while she gives birth. Imagine Bochy was their midwife. Okay, we’re gonna bring on Romo to get one leg out, then we’ll bring in Javier Lopez to get out the left leg…
Kris Medlen – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. I’ll leave you with this: