Grey’s in transit to Texas Wine Country for a friend’s wedding so Drunk Uncle Rudy’s has control of the ol’ roundup post. Yup, Texas has a wine country. If you guessed the wine is mediocre and they only sell it in magnum bottles because everything’s bigger in Texas, you’re half-right (you can buy it in barrels too). But mediocre wine ain’t so bad. My mother-in-law brought us Arkansas wine the other day that she and her husband picked up on a recent roadtrip. Oofa! I had a sip and thought, “Are they trying to make this taste like Manischewitz?” Did they run out of grapes and substitute with purple gobstoppers? I bet when Arkansas winery sales reps stop by Wal*Mart HQ, the wine buyer has to euphemize, “We appreciate you make wine in our state but we don’t think it meets the standards of our indiscriminate clientele.”
Since there is no big news today, I thought I’d revel in the awesomeness of Arquimedes Caminero – the Marlins middle reliever who pitched 2 scoreless innings last night in a mop-up role. It isn’t his talent or potential that is awesome – it’s the name. The first name adds some Greeky Latin to the Italiany Latin Giancarlo and Placido and explains the spiraling fortunes of the Marlins. The last name sounds like a Chevy car designed especially for Staten Island with a Camaro front and an El Camino pickup truck back. Haul trash to the local landfill by day – charm the guidettes by night. The Caminero! (BTW, Chevrolet’s social media agency, if you’re reading this, totally recommend the Caminero to GM and stop with that Chevy Silverado ‘Strong’ commercial on Pandora. “Everybody knows he ain’t just tough…he’s strong.” More like everyone knows that song doesn’t just suck….it blows!
Anyway, here are some Grey bragging about his RCL team-free notes from a short schedule Thursday…
Freddy Garcia – Some bold soul has to be happy with what the Rock was streaming (W, 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks). Then again, he was facing Miami and their starting pitcher named Flynn may or may not have cerebral palsy and a meth-cooking dad.
Adam LaRoche – Hit his 2nd HR in 3 days against the Mets and now hitting .344 in his past 10 games…to get his season AVG up to .240. Damn right I was streaming that Jockstuffer today against Lurch Harang. I’ll be eating LaRoche for another week as the Nats go home to face PHI and ATL.
Hanley Ramirez – Left the game early with hamstring tightness. He’s had a DTD next to his name for so long that he should just go by Hanley Ramirez, DTD. It might get him some play among the dumber Jewish girls in LA who think “A baseball player and a doctor – you could do worse!”
Brett Gardner – Could be out for the rest of the season with a strained oblique. I strained my oblique trying to think of another obliquatory joke.
Edwin Encarnacion – A HR by your 1B is sweet. A HR by a 1B you got off waivers because an owner in your league dropped him on the rumor he’s done for the year is double-E sweet.
Tanner Roark – Solid stream start (W, 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks) vs the Mets that bumps his record to 6-0 (first 4 wins in relief). Not bad given he was 6-17 (?!?!) last year in AAA – more like Tanner Tattoo’d than Roark…am I right <Jon Stewart annoying voice to acknowledge not-so-funny joke>.
Jose Reyes – 4-for-4 with a HR (#10) and 2 doubles to lift his season AVG to .301. He will now be sitting out the rest of the year to preserve the .300+ AVG but will hopefully stick around to pinch-run so he can add to the disappointing 14 SB total.
Nick Swisher – 2-for-6 with a HR (#18), 3 Runs, and 3 RBIs. Now hitting .241 with 55 RBIs. Swisher? More like Rimmer!
David Robertson – Got a win for the 2nd straight day but this time in vulturesque fashion (1 IP, 3 ER) spoiling a win for the craptastic Hugheshuffataur that the Yanks used for the first 6 innings. Those 3 ERs are the only thing giving me solace for dropping him a week ago in RCL after he took a week off to rest his arm. Cuz RCL stands for Rest Comes Later, booooyyy!
Mark Reynolds – T. Boone Pickens’ favorite hitter had 4 AB and only 2 Ks. It’s almost gravy that he hit a cannonball home run in one of those 2 AB. Worth streaming when they start him against LHPs if you need HRs and are okay if he blows away your AVG.
Joe Kelly – Lost to the Brewers (5 IP, 8 baserunners, 3 ER, 4 Ks), marking his first loss in his last 11 starts where he’s gone 8-0 and managed a sub-3.00 ERA. All this and his K/9 is 6 and his BB/9 is about 3.5. Looks like someone sold his soul to the Devil or Dave Duncan.
Matt Adams – HR’d for the second straight night. At what point does he get the official Fat Matt shirt with ‘Professional Hitter’ sewn onto the lapel?
Will Venable – Slam (#21) and legs (#18) as he tries to get back that August magic (when he was a $38 player – 20/8/15/6/.367). He might end up with a 20/20 season hitting .270 and only have 2 months (May and August) where he put up better than replacement stats. Somewhere, Jose Cruz Jr. is smiling.
Ryan Raburn – 3-for-3 with 1 HR, 2 R and 5 RBIs. Ryan Raburn is such a good streaming candidate vs. LHP. How good of a streaming candidate vs. LHP is he? He’s so good that he ______ all over the batter’s box to let the left-handed pitchers know it’s his house. Charles Nelson Reilly, “I did what I do around my house and that’s hang streamers.” Crowd moans. Richard Dawson, “I went with streams his urine”. Crowd cheers!