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The Jack attack is back. Or, in this case, the Jay Flambé is day-to-day. Makes no sense whatsoever. But it does roll off the tongue, does it not? The main point is, I’m back, your back, and, best of all, Sky is back. And we’re here to spotlight certain players for whom the mighty overlord of mustache’s, Grey, has yet to comb-over. And probably condition as well. You gotta figure with a mustache like that, you gotta condition. And since I’m nothing if not consistent, I’m back to try and sell you more Dick(ey). The innuendo is outrageous. But more outrageous than trying to sell you on him for yet another season? We shall see.

If you’re a masochist like me, here’s my 2500-word spectacle on how R.A. Dickey would cure cancer and give me two lovely children. I was so reckless in my youth… Now, a season later, it’s like I’ve learned nothing. Or maybe, I’ve learned something, and that something is nothing until I make it into something that won’t be nothing. My computer just fainted.

“I’ve had an upper back issue, whenever I extend, it would bite me pretty good. I’ve had to back it down… And I had a hernia, and then against the Royals early on this year I did this thing to my back, and the WBC was this year.”

So, if you can’t tell, that isn’t me talking. That would be R.A. Dickey. And, as you can see, he had some issues. Personally, I wouldn’t even want to get out of bed if I had a hernia and back issues, unless there’s a grilled steak or vagina(s) involved. But this brings us to the overwhelming conclusion that he simply wasn’t operating at his peak skill-level. And he still managed to throw 224.2 innings, the second highest total of his career. Granted, there are no bonus points in fantasy sports for gritty competitiveness (much to Danny Woodhead’s chagrin), and the production he accumulated for those of us who owned him for the first two months of the season, or, ahem, the entire season (oops), it was a slush of mediocre and frustrating. Which gives me flashes of my ex.

And injury is easily found in his velocity. 83.4 to 81.9 MPH from 2012 to 2013 on his fastball. More importantly, his knuckleball velocity dropped from 77.1 to 75.6 over the same time span. Troubling, but remember, these are pretty static numbers we are looking at. When switching over to a month-by-month view, we begin to see signs of R.A. Dickey getting healthier. Take a look at his 2013 knuckleball velocity trend: May- 74.44 MPH, June- 75.12 MPH, July- 75.39, Aug.- 76.97 MPH, Sept.- 77.18 MPH. While you could say these are subtle changes, let’s not forget that Dickey’s ‘fast’ knuckler (of which you can find info on somewhere near my marriage proposal to Dickey in my post referenced above) is velocity dependent in terms of success.

The thing is, I believe I was right in my previous analysis. The overriding failure here was the expectation of a healthy season. Now, I can’t confidently say he’ll return to ace-dome, and the fact that he does pitch in a homer-happy environment and a tough division certainly gives me some pause… But there’s no reason why he can’t improve on last season’s numbers. In fact, it’d be hard not to. I mean, it’s hard to imagine it getting any worse. Well, it could, but if it does, my heart will break. Queue some Michael Bolton. Pre-Honda. Plus, um, 15 years. Ef it, just give me some Bryan Adams.

If he simply meets somewhere in the middle from his 2012 and 2013 season, a very achievable goal, we’re looking at a 2/3 guy with good strike-out potential. And my sense is, you won’t have to pay market value for it. Which is probably why the Greydar did not detect him. Yeah, that’s it. I couldn’t think of a better ending. So, uh, I’m going to go now. It’s getting kind of awkward.

  1. Count de Monetball says:
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    I have to admit, after having Dickey on my roster in 2012 (per Razzball’s advice), trading for him in 2013 (per Jaywrong, now Jay’s advice) for Jayson Werth-something-in-2013, Dickey has become more than a streamboat for me. Now while he doesn’t given me the “Au-Shizz” tingles or make me say “I’m excited for R.A. Dickey like a baboon who opens a bananas-only box of Runts.” (and that’s me plagiarizing Grey), I truely agree that he could be a 2-3 this year. If he sucks out of the gate though, he is waiver wire fodder. Of course if they let him wear his friendship bracelets again, http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-stew/r-dickey-friendship-bracelets-made-kids-removed-umpire-142703889–mlb.html I might buy into him again. Ughhh, I think I may need to go into RA’s anonymous. My name is count, and it has been five months since I had my last Dickey (on my roster that is)….

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Count de Monetball: Yeah, we hang out at the coffee machine all the time. I thought that was you!

  2. Natty Boh says:
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    I was smart enough to trade Jordan Zimmerman for Dickey early in the year last year. Worked out real well for me…..sigh.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Natty Boh: Well, yeah, but I will point out, if it’s a K-league, Zimm’s value isn’t as cut ‘n dry. Silver lining maybe.

    • Justin says:
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      @Natty Boh: Natty Boh? as in National Bohemian? The beer found only in Maryland ? Natty Boh’s are AWESOME

      • Natty Boh says:
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        @Justin: Yes! It’s actually made in Milwaukee now, but Natty Boh is still quite popular around Baltimore.

        • Justin says:
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          @Natty Boh: I just had my First Natty Boh in October, honestly the best beer I have ever had. I can not get it where I am from but I have had my brother in law mail me some. And I appreciate the riddles under the cap of the bottles. I am just curious they expect you to come to the correct answer after you put down a 12 pack or so? Good Luck to you this season sir.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Natty Boh: I always pick one (more like seven) up when I’m at Camden.

  3. Bruce says:
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    What are your thoughts on Cashner? Can he take a step forward?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Bruce: I’d rather him stay still, so as not to cause injury. With the slider gone, maybe he can sustain the IP, but the K/9 will take a hit. Still, any guy with a pedigree that pitches in PetCo has good value.

  4. Al lydon says:
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    I like the idea of 2oo plus innings, I like the idea 4-5 CG, and maybe 180 K’s. I’ ll watch what’s going on in spring training and see, but he’s hard to match-up with teams if he isn’t right. He’ll be a bargain this year because he was ” Lit Up ” so much last year. He was like riding around with bald tire’s last year. You knew you were going to get a blow out, but not sure when. And he got pounded when he didn’t have it going. But can he come close to his dream year with the Mets ? Fanasty is about upside and value so we will see.

  5. The Ghost of the Disappeared says:
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    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

    NNNNNNNnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnn NNNNNeeeeeeeeeeHHHH UUUuuurrrrrrrrrrrhhhhNNN Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.. (Thought they were going to work on that FFFF’n portal over the winter…)

    Mr Jay Wrong: I’m all smiles now that you have returned.

    But, speechless on Dickey….

    OK… Dickey???? NO WAY, JOSE!!!! Not last year nor this year!…

    So, if you don’t mind, I’ll just hang around and bask in the shadow of THE STAR OF THE SHOW’s 2014 return.

    When you leave the studio tonight, look for a blur in the crowd – the one wearing a wet stained shroud, who’s blowing kisses while holding up a massive bouquet and its rattling chains . That’s me!

    The Otherside will better now – knowing your back, Mr Jay Wrong………………………..

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .. I think, I’ve arrived in FFB heaven at last.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Get a room!

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Grey: hah! only if moore pays.

          • The Ghost of the Disappeared says:
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            The One Whose Name May Not Be Spoken has taken my feelings for you and your work to the basest of levels – as would be expected. He must draw everything into the darkness that is Razz and make it dirty.

            That he cannot accept you are the true STAR OF THE SHOW is patently obvious to all of us fans who have to wait patiently in time to read your FBB threads. The few he allows you.

            Point: When I was young teen and the Beatles phenomena took place, I would cross-dress to blend in with the crazed, hysterically screaming, tears streaming crowds of teenage girls at their concerts – that was not dirty. It was me expressing natural enthusiasms within myself. That I looked good in bobby socks, flats, blonde curls, a hint of makeup, pop-beads, a cute blouse and an argyle short shirt was secondary to me. It was the wholesome and more involved Beatles experience that counted.

            Mr Wrong, you’ve managed to bring this reaction and feelings back into my afterlife. It is not dirty to me – it is wonderful.

            The only thing that is dirty about my celebrations of your work is in twisted mind of the Lidless Eye of Darkness.

            And I don’t sleep around either. I’m a good ghost.

  6. Jay, your new avi looks like you’ve stuck your fingers somewhere unsavory & you’re puzzled by their aroma.

    Also, I dig the new avi.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Scott Evans: uh, I’m not sure I was going for that. It’s more my wtf look… but maybe they are the same expression… worrisome.

      • @Jay: Hey, we’ve all been there… and it definitely is a wtf moment.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Scott Evans: well, with sky, I’ll believe it when I see it…

            • Jay

              Jay says:
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              @Sky: It’s funny because you were the first one to see this new avatar, and said nothing.

              Next on the blame is Grey and his mom jeans…

              • Sky

                Sky says:
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                At least I asked the all important question ‘WTF am I seeing right now?’ It could be art. I don’t get art. These are things I tell my wife when I’m googling kate upton jiggling gifs

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                It looks like you just rolled a point in craps and you’re keeping your hand warm…

                • Jay

                  Jay says:
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                  @Grey: UGH

                  This is like a Daria episode.

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    This is a Daria episode.

                    • Jay

                      Jay says:
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                      @Grey: I’m going to grow a mustache and then shave it off. That’s the only way I know how to hurt you.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      That hurts to even hear… Worse than hearing about my mom jeans… Repeatedly…

                    • Jay

                      Jay says:
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                      @Grey: Even Superman has his kryptonite…

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      Grey’s kryptonite comes with a front-butt

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      They’re acid washed and cool!

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
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                      You can’t take a soccer mom’s word for it on this subject, Grey.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Now I can’t even handle your avatar… It’s like every Padres fan’s look while watching a game and having carpal tunnel in their index finger…

                    • Jay

                      Jay says:
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                      @Grey: Yup, that’s our “What is this I’m watching? ooooo another 2-0 loss. Wonderful.”

                    • Jay

                      Jay says:
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                      @Grey: BWAHAHA “They don’t make songs that sound like THIS these days.”

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      The internet smiles every time someone watches that video in its entirety.

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: that song takes me to the place Quinten took me last year

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Jay: it’s the my Padres lost another one and I’m wasted….as usual

                    • Jay

                      Jay says:
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                      @J-FOH: Good call. It’s wine night!

      • Al lydon says:
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        @Jay: Yeah you might want to photo shop the fingers Jay. I’m looking at you in a whole new way. Worrisome indeed. I’m glad this isn’t smell.net. lol Try again. Use that do over…..

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Al lydon: Good heads up. This is what the pre-season is for. Razz circle-jerks in the comments section and making sure our avatars don’t look like we just finger-banged a trash can….

    • TheNewGuy says:
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      @Scott Evans: head on your thread man. Quite a few of us guys hoping for some answers.

  7. Justin says:
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    What’s up Jay? Thanks for all the work. Is there anyway you could take a look at some articles I have completed? Let me know what you think? Give an up and comer some advice?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Justin: I would just say trust in your ability and keep writing as much and as many times as you can, any where you can. It may sound cliché, but that’s what I’ve been doing… so some of it must work.

  8. J-FOH says:
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    I like the new avi, if you skwint a little more it would look like a uni brow

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @J-FOH: There’s a new one coming. It’ll look as if God drew a picture of me on a post-it note.

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Jay: If God is a Padres fan then he has a real sick sense of humor, unless it’s my third favorite tattoo artist Jesus, that guy can make anyone look gangster

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @J-FOH: I think you mean Zeus. As in, father of Apollo. Mt. Olympus…

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Jay: no, his name is Jesus Aguilar, he works down off Pico.

  9. Jason says:
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    RA Dickey in a box

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Jason: pretty box

  10. Mike

    Mike says:
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    With Grey, Scott, Sky, and now Jay all rocking the classy understated B&W avatars…Schmidtty just looks downright garish! Nice post Jay

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Mike: I’m in yellow post it mode now

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        I would’ve said peed on sepia but that’ll do

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Sky: comment of the year. Book it.

          • Mike

            Mike says:
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            @Jay: whoa. I just realized it changed again. This is like the time Grey turned into a cartoon for like 24 hours…

            • Count de Monetball says:
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              @Mike: ah, the ole’ grey looks like the most interesting man in the world meets don Johnson. That was funny!

            • Sky

              Sky says:
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              Hint, that was Grey in real life. Hanging out with him is like walking around on the ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’ set. Rudy looks like Jessica Rabbit from the neck down.

  11. TheNewGuy says:
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    This Jay, as in Jay Wrong?

    Have you just wanted to drop the ‘wrong’ part, or is this actually a totally different dude altogether.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @TheNewGuy: I wanted to change my name to jayright, but Grey wouldn’t let me.

  12. The Ghost of the Disappeared says:
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    Jay: P. Konerko??????? What will his role be this year. Is he in full decline? Is he nothing more than a PT player now? Will he see enough consistent PT to be worthy of shallow leagues this year at some point?

    I think, he is trade bait for a rebuilding SOX team now.

    He could have some worthy playing time left in him if he finds the right situation. He is not that removed from solid production.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @The Ghost of the Disappeared: I’m iffy on him, I think Dunn and Abreau will soak up a lot of those at-bats… I think he’s a part-time guy with power potential. Something like 250/10 seems reasonable.

  13. Antony says:
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    Which three of the four your would you keep in a head to head league

    Matt Adams
    Anthony Rendon
    Brad Miller
    Jurickson Profar

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Antony: Tough one. I’d go Adams, Rendon, and Miller. I’d lean Profar over Miller if he was eligible at SS.

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