This is a moderate Buy. I wanted to find a player that would make you excited to buy, but I also wanted to cover Grady Sizemore. I owed it to you, loyal Razzball reader. So here we are. Grady has NOT (Hey, it’s Caps Night!) been terribly unlucky. I know BABIP makes you say WTF, but I need to go there super quick. His BABIP shows a guy that isn’t that far off from his career mark. His line drive rate is around its norm and his fly ball rate is down. His K-rate is up and his walk rate is down. So to break this down into your Leisure Suit Larry terms, I think he’s pressing (that’s what the walks and Ks are telling me), his average should go up (his line drives), which should help his steals (guessing). There’s got to be some homers in his bat. Guy just doesn’t lose his shizz at 27. Actually, they’re supposed to gain it. I wouldn’t pay more than sixty cents on the dollar, but I would buy Grady. The Indians are despised, according to the Wall Street Journal (that’s real PC there, WSJ), but that doesn’t mean Grady needs to be. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the post, I wanted to tell everyone I’m in Austin this weekend to attend Rudy’s wedding. I won’t be near a computer for the weekend, so please help each other. You can do it! Now make me proud. Anyway II, here’s the post…
Brandon Wood – I will now attempt to avoid any Wood puns. As I opine… Dah! If you’re hard up… Gah! I give up, grab Wood.
Nick Swisher – Hitting over .400 in the last week. Yes, he’s another Random Outfielder That Is On And Off Waivers All Year So Every Team Will Own At Some Point And You Only Want Them When Hot. Or ROTIOAOWAYSETWOASPAYOWTWH, if you find acronyms easier to remember.
Chris Coghlan – Now Coghlan hit it so hot you got tanned.
Alexei Ramirez – He’s been a whole lot of nothing, then he muddled that together with mint and gave you a HeSucksjito. He’s a 15/15 player that never plays well in April. There’s value in that for the right price.
Frank Francisco – If saves are what you covet, Frank-Frank should be able to satiate you. The preceding was probably cribbed from a bad Cinemax After Dark movie.
Alfredo Simon – Saves ain’t got no face, but if they did have a face they probably wouldn’t look anything like Alfredo Simon. Nevertheless!
LaTroy Hawkins – I want to say LaTroy Hawkins will take over for Hoffman, but he’s a Cuddle Boy and he hasn’t even been doing a very good job cuddling this year. Todd Coffey’s not a bad name… To poop on. If you look at Villanueva from one angle, he’s the man. Another angle and it’s Hawkins. Another angle and it’s Hoffman. Then Coffey bursts through the door like Kramer, only to find Manny Parra emerging from the bathroom with his shirt off. Really, it’s a bad shituation, but I’d grab Hawkins since Macha hinted at him.
Evan Meek – “Don’t ask” Dotel has lived up to his name. Yet, he’s still the closer. You can grab Meek, but whatever you do, don’t speculate on more than one Pirate closer.
Miguel Olivo – Because of a sitewide zoning ordinance only one catcher can be mentioned per week in the Buy/Sell. Olivo should be owned in every league. Yes, even in 8 team leagues where the 7 other teams were autodrafted and abandoned.
Jhoulys Chacin – He Ks people and induces groundballs. Hello, sexy, what’s your name? Jhoulys. How do you spell that? I don’t know. I’d watch Chacin in mixed leagues and own immediately in NL-Only ones.
C.J. Wilson – Here’s a quick lesson for the back of the room. You know, the nappers. When in doubt, you want a pitcher that can strikeout hitters because if a hitter puts the ball into play anything can happen. If a hitter strikes out, nothing can happen. Barring, of course, Gregg Zaun then throwing the ball back to the pitcher and the ball ending up in left field. So C.J. Wilson has a K/9 of 7.36. That’s solid, not great. Could get better. Dallas Braden has a K/9 of 5.70, which isn’t good and is artificially inflated by his first start of the year. Okay, now comes the essay question. Why is Braden owned in 61% of ESPN leagues and Wilson is owned in only 25%? Extra credit: Compare Braden, Wilson and ESPN readers to different Food Network stars.
Edwin Jackson – Sorry, I warned people in the preseason. If you’re coming late to the party, well, where ya been? Anyway, I don’t think we see last year this year from Edwin. Say that fast three dozen times.
Martin Prado – He has one homer and no steals. That’s about the norm for him. His value is coming from an unreal average. Unreal as in not real like a fake. Hey, Prado is a knockoff.
Jason Bay – I’m officially worried. He’s been lucky as far his average goes and he’s hitting .269. His new stadium could wreak havoc on Bay like it did on Wright last year. If he can’t nudge balls right around the Pesci Pole, he might have a huge drop in value. I’m not saying trade him away for a Gregg Jefferies rookie card, but I’d listen to offers.
Jorge Cantu – Leads the NL in RBIs. Wait for it… It’s here somewhere… Oh, here it is… SELLL!!!!!! Uh-oh, I released it and now I can’t control it… Watch out… Here it comes again… SELLL!!!!!! I can’t stop it! Hide your eyes; it’s coming again! SELLL!!!!!! Please someone help me– SELLL!!!!!! It’s eating my arm! SELLL!!!!!! SELLL!!!!!! SELLL!!!!!! Suddenly, SELLL!!!!!! stops and smiles. SELLL!!!!!!, “Take it easy, Grey. I was just messing with you. Oh, and Cantu really is a sell. For reals. SELLL!!!!!! out.”