Jake Westbrook had everything going against him. No schools in his area had an athletic program. His mother was strung out on drugs. His father was absent from his life. Then he met Sandra Bullock. Wait, those aren’t my notes, that’s the back cover of The Blind Side DVD. Yesterday, Westbrook threw 8 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Okay, in the broader sense, Westbrook is the dog’s breakfast, but you mix that with one certain pitching coach and, well… For his next trick, Dave Duncan will turn a cucumber into a pickle…mobile! I don’t think it lasts for Westbrook, but he gets the Pirates next. It’s September, you shouldn’t need more. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks. You don’t get them wet, you don’t expose them to light, you don’t feed them after midnight and you never start a hodgepadre away from Petco.
Edinson Volquez – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. After the game, when asked about his playoff rotation, Dusty said, “(Edinson’s) throwing it as well as anybody we have right now. I’d like to throw him for another 250 innings, but time does not permit unless we can get ourselves into an extra inning game that goes 200 innings. Are you finished so I can put my toothpick back in my mouth? I’m wasting artificial mint flavor.”
Jonny Gomes – 2-for-4 and now 4 for his last 8… Okay, like I tell my girlfriend, beware the small sample size. But it’s the final weeks of the season. Play the hot hands!
Drew Stubbs – 1-for-4 with his 25th steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. I have a feeling which way Late Afternoon Grey is leaning.
Delmon Young – 3-for-5 with his 2nd homer in three games. I think this season is Delmon Young’s amuse bouche. Next year, we’re going to get the meal.
Alexei Ramirez – 2-for-4 with a homer and two steals for the slam and double side of legs. If he could only get his act together in April… If it’s the cold weather, maybe we have him sleep in an incubator for a month.
Angel Pagan – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 34th steal. I wanna get excited about him for next year, but you know there’s a 60% chance he’s going to get injured and miss three-quarters of the season just because he’s on the Mets.
Hideki Matsui – 2-for-5 and his 20th homer. Okay, this is my third time this week talking about him. He’s obviously hot. Say Hideki, bye other 5th outfielder.
Rodrigo Lopez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. If there were more games yesterday, I wouldn’t even bother mentioning Rodrigo. In fact–
Fausto Carmona – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. He gets the Twins and Royals next and he hasn’t been terrific against either this year, but he has been incredible in September. I can only walk you to the table, you have to decide if you want to roll the dice.
Michael Brantley – 1-for-4 with a steal. Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Too late, I already started. Brantley’s hit in every game since the beginning of August, except for 4 (stutterer!).
Ted Lilly – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Frank McCourt said Jamie could have him.
Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Filthy Sanchez? 3.21 ERA on the year, 188 Ks in only 176 2/3 IP and a 1.23 WHIP. He’s the poster boy for why you should just start your pitchers every single time out.
Nyjer Morgan – Will begin serving his 8-game suspension on Friday. On his time off, he’s going to start filming the Ice Cube-directed comedy “I’m Smoking A J Up In The Middle Of My Name” with Elijah Dukes.