ESPN tells me the Yankees and Red Sox seasons are about to begin. I’m gonna infer it’s Opening Day for the entire league since my six month egg timer is buzzing, my closet gimp is mumbling, “Baseball time…Baseball time…” and my desktop widget of Ron Jeremy shooting fireworks over Petco is exploding. At least I think those are fireworks shooting across my computer monitor. Spring has sprung, snitches! Bask in that for a moment. Okay, moment over. Brandon Belt is going to start at first for the Giants. Ain’t that the meow’s cat? I really thought the Giants would hold off until June with Belt. With this Belt news, everyone seems to be *pinkie to mouth* panting. He’s still pretty raw in terms of his time in the high minors. Though I wouldn’t let that stop me from adding him. You take the flyer for the upside because if he pans out, he’ll be worth a lot more in name value. To go with a current 1st baseman who is around his level, between Moreland and Belt, Moreland will have better stats but Belt will have better name appeal for now. I’d give Belt the line of 60/15/70/.270/8. There’s room for more, and there’s room for a lot less. A lot less would be Belt struggling for the first month, Ross returning and Belt being demoted. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:
Jake McGee – Rays kept him for their bullpen. This shituation should be a closerousel all year until McGee wins the job. Now whether he wins the job by May or August is the pickle. I think it’s by June/July to get all hedgy on you. My over/unders are Farnsworth with 20 and McGee with 15 saves.
Kevin Gregg – The O’s said there’s no official closer, but — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Gregg should get the majority of the saves. As long as he stays healthy, Uehara will get saves here and there. Or hear and their, if you’re homonym-challenged.
Brandon Allen – A fave of mine (and potentially only mine) was optioned to the D-Backs’ Triple-A affiliate, the Reno Slots. I think we see Allen at some point in the near future, but he’s not worth holding in single year leagues.
Juan Miranda – Made the team, but he’s in a platoon with Russell Branyan. The ol’ lefty/lefty platoon. Guess they can share one pair of scissors. Is there anything more frustrating than a platoon of two guys that actually would be worth something if one were the starter? Much worse than a blahtoon. George Costanza, “MUCH WORSE!”
Zack Greinke – May not return until May — hey, an almost palindrome! I originally thought he was going to miss 4 starts, so now he’s going to miss 5 to 6 starts. It’s not an arm injury, so I’m not too concerned. If you only get 26 dazzling starts from him this year, you’ll take it and like it.
Corey Hart – To the DL for a few weeks. I told you not to draft him so no one owns him anyway, right? Mmm-hmm.
Luis Castillo – Released by the Phillies. The Phillies bought Castillo thinking he was a $1 scratch-off ticket — just hoping he might be worth $10. Unfortunately, he was a scratch and sniff that smelled like turdberries.
Jack Hannahan – Perennial Carson favorite won the 3rd base job for the Indians. The best you can expect from him is he releases a puma into the clubhouse and it eats the Indians rotation. Now play ball!