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OH-WA-AH-AH-AH!  Woah, sorry about that.  A little rough for a Saturday morning for you?  Well what can I say but toughen up, kiddos.  There’s only a little over 60 games left on the season for you to tell your significant others that you’re scouring the waiver wire for decent players at 12:30 AM on a Tuesday morning with that ‘Brown Chicken Brown Cow’ sound in the background playing on your computer and no, you’re not listening to Trace Adkins.  You don’t like country and you don’t even know who that is.  But you do know who Jason Kipnis is…was that a segue?  I’m not even sure.  If it was, it was a little weak at best but it’s done and now we’re here so lets get down to the goods of it all.  Kip – I can call him that since I have a friend from OH with whom I’m bros with; that’s how these things work – hit 2 bombs from the lead off spot for the Tribe on Friday, finishing the night 2/5 with 4 RBIs and 2 runs.  And here’s me telling you to sell on dat chit.  He’s had a little hotty toddy, we likes to party July, hitting near .300 with 2 said HRs and 5 stolen bases but let us not forget what he has done for his career in the second half.  He loses about 20 points of average, about .040% on Slugging and even finds a way to steal less down the stretch.  Obviously, past doesn’t always dictate the future.  I mean, look at people who get married a second a third time.  The percentages staying together get better right? *Looks at percentages*…oh.  History is just not on the side of Kipnis being a second half savior for you and I’d make  a move if I can still get a price return on him close to what you had to draft him for.  In other news from the All-Star break return to our 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…oooh, on the TLC tip!  Just a friendly reminder that myself and some other cool cats (I think Mike might be a Toyger) do this thing called DraftKings for you all every day of the week.  That last link takes you away to Daily Fantasy land care of our VIP card but this link shows you all the content we’ve been providing to help you get the game down while you’re with us.  BTW, didn’t bring up Mike just cuz.  I’m swinging for Dan Pants today because apparently he’s pantsless or something.  I told him just to change his name to Dan Assless Chaps for the day but he declined.  That said, I’m gonna be away from the good ‘ole ‘puter for the day but Mike will be fielding all your burning questions.  No, not those questions.  If it burns down there, go see a doctor.  Mike is just a cool cat and cats aren’t doctors.  Duh.  But enough chicanery, let’s really get back to this show…

Huston StreetWas traded to the Angels yesterday, moving Joe Smith back to being irrelevant just like his name preordained him to be.  The obvious pickup for the Padres gig is Joaquin Benoit.  The unobvious pickup here would be Kevin Quackenbush.  Not for saves, of course, that would be silly.  But dat name doe…here’s where I’d say Dale Thayer should see a save or two down the stretch but that’s the amount of saves I’m estimating for Joaquin.  PS, that’s a ‘Padres Suck’ joke.  Don’t worry, Jay got it.  He’s been hearing this punchline for quite a few years now.

Anthony RizzoTwo homeruns, giving him 22 on the year and putting him on pace for 38 on the season.  Just a friendly reminder just in case you drafted Eric Hosmer instead.  BTW, that’s just one of many friendly reminder sticky notes I have around my computer that end with ‘Hosmer Instead’.  I think I’m naming my first tumor after him at this point.

Francisco LirianoMaybe he’s back from the dead?  Had 8 K in only 5 IP and it was against the Rockies!  Nevermind, realized the Rockies weren’t at home.  There’s gotta be a term for never starting your Colorado hitters away from Coors a la never starting your Hodge Padre on the road.  It was definitely a nice start but I’m putting him in the ‘stream at your own risk’ category myself.

Danny SantanaReturned from the DL, going 1/5 with 2 Ks as he resumed batting leadoff for the Twinkies.  He’s still the 30 SB type that he was before the injury.  This blurb goes out to all of you who missed out on Wong and Alcantara.  And this blurb – you can kiss the giant pimple growing on my left butt-cheek – goes out to that kid in 4th grade who stole my lunch money and my belt buckle and squirted mustard down my pants.  I’m like the Fantasy Baseball Casey Kasem over here with all these dedications.  BTW, Kenny, I hope you die in a fire.  This song goes out to you!

CC SabathiaUnderwent micro-fracture surgery yesterday on his right knee, thus effectively ending his season.  You can file this news under the ‘didn’t know, didn’t care’ section of your season.  That’s right before the ‘Don’t draft him next year’ section and right after the ‘I’m not drafting these guys this year’ section of your fantasy filing cabinet.  I’m quite impressed with your organizational skills.  How much do you charge?  I have all these ‘Eric Hosmer Instead’ stickies that need tending to…

Michael BrantleyWent 4/5 with 2 runs, a double and an RBI and is hitting .329 on the year with 15 HRs and 63 RBIs *THUD*.  Don’t worry about that noise.  It’s just Grey swooning and fainting again.  Michael Brantley does sound like a name from a boy band, though, so that’s completely normal.  Now the panty throwing on the field thing Albright does?  Eh…

Matt HollidayWent 2/4 with 3 RBIs, a double and a HR as he bats .268 on the year with only 7 HRs *THUD*.  You should worry about that noise.  That’s the sound a team sinking to the bottom that drafted Holliday makes.  Unfortch, players get old and unlike Cougar Town, that’s not a good thing.  And here you thought you got a deal on draft day.  Celebrate

David PhelpsOver 6.1 innings, only gave up 3 runs (2 earned) while K’ing 7 and walking 1.  In three July starts, Phelps has a 2.35 ERA and a just under 7 K/9 rate.  He’s also given up 6 HRs during that span.  If you’ve been starting him during this streak, kudos to you but eventually you’re gonna have to hop off your luck dragon and hang with the rest of us schlubs, Atreyu.  I suggest you do so now.

J.P. ArencibiaWent 1/3 with a 3 run HR.  Since Fielder’s freak ‘We Found A Vagina In Your Neck’ surgery (And ‘WFAVIYN’ is no laughing matter, kids), the Rangers have shuffled through Mitch Moreland (now out for the year), Brad Snyder (sent back down to AAA), Carlos Pena (also sent back down), and Adam Rosales (I don’t know where he went, I thought he still played for the A’s).  What I’m trying to say is unless you’re in a deep 2 C league, your excitement level for the a guy who just replaced Rosales as the team’s 6th first baseman on the year should be close to my chances of my dream polka album with Kanye West.  That chance, Bee Tee Dubs, is called ‘null’.

Yu DarvishClosed out with 12 K over 6 and 2/3rds after only allowing a run.  Granted, these aren’t your mom’s B-Jays (don’t read that out loud if said mom is around) with all the injuries, but Yu looked a little better than he has in recent turns.  If you’re following the Grey sell call from yesterday on our friend Darvish, this be your window.

Colby Rasmus – The one guy who could get to Yu on the day, going 2/4 with a HR.  When he’s hot, he’s hot.  He hit 5 HRs in May…in 11 games…and 3 of those he played hurt.  Just saying, might be time for some Colby Jacks.  Delicious!

Brayan PenaIs only 0.3% owned in ESPN leagues and went 2/4 with 2 HRs. Meanwhile, Devin Mesoraco and Jay Bruce combined to go 0/7 with a caught stealing and are 100% owned.  ‘And tomorrow, we’ll have Andy Parrino hit for the cycle while Moss, Cespedes and Donaldson go 0/16 combined with 10 Ks and one pulled oblique…guess who it’ll be!’ whispered your Fantasy Baseball diety of choice.

Jason HeywardRemember when he hit a ball out in batting practice and broke some dude’s windshield?  Sigh, I remember it like it was four years ago…and you should too since that’s when it happened and nothing has been that spectacular since.  Despite his 2 HR performance last night, he’s on pace for 15 homers and 19 stolen bases this year.  Justin Ruggiano basically did that for the Marlins in 2013 with only 424 at bats, all while hitting .222.  Much like your dad told you when you started dating that girl with the gnarled tooth that always poked out even when her mouth wasn’t open, you can do better.

Zach BrittonDid his best Buzz Lightyear impression on your stats as he recorded zero outs on 6 pitches, giving up three hits including a 3 run, game-winning HR to Josh Donaldson.  Given that his fly-ball percentages are lower than most wine’s alcohol content on the year at 9.8%, Just chalk it up to being too rested.

Pablo SandovalShhh, don’t say it too loud but after going 2/5 with a bomb and 3 RBI, Pablo is on pace for a decent 20 HR, .275 average, 75 RBI campaign.  What, you wanted more RBIs than the 73?  Well then don’t draft a Giants hitter next time!  Sheesh, you people…

Buster PoseyBasically, the Giants went off and Buster reminded you why you drafted him by gathering three hits and by not hitting any HRs as he sits behind Mesoraco, Lucroy, Gattis and Perez on the player rater for catchers on the year.  It could be worse.  You could’ve drafted Joe Mauer in the first.  *Snickers*

Trevor Cahill – Returned to the mound as a starter for the Diamondbacks, giving up three earned over five innings while walking two and striking out three.  The main number here that’s important, though, is the number zero.  That’s the amount of S’s you should give that he’s starting again.

Bryce Harper – Started the second half off with a bang that didn’t require a wall, going 3/4 with a HR that didn’t matter in the real game but mattered in the really real game.  You know what I’m talking about *Wink, wink, nudge, nudge*.  There’s still hope for the hype to hit but you as a Harper owner already know that your high pick of him didn’t get you where you are today.  Unless of course that pick puts you in last.  Then yes, he is to blame.

Arismendy AlcantaraThe Grey favorite 0/3 but with 2 steals.  It’s how players tell you they care about your fantasy team and are here for you!  BTW, way back in the way back time machine, Nick and I talked a bit about Alacantara via that Razzball Radio on the internet via Skype on your tv thing.  I said he’d be the first young pup from the Cubs farm system to get called up and to get in before the hype train hit.  Sometimes I gotta #Humblebrag, y’all and I gotta say that call was fancy.  Who dat, who dat (Suh-Suh-Sky S-K-Y) dat do dat, do dat, (Suh-suh-Sky S-K-Y).

Jacoby Ellsbury – Dropped a delicious plate of slam and legs on his owners, going to 2/4 with 2 RBIs.  So many people bought in to Ellsbury for the steals potential and the short porch for lefties theory that is the Bronx bombers lore.  Well, the steals have been there for Ellsbury but he’s been pretty much the player he was last year but with a pace for 3 more HRs and 10 less steals.  Wait, he did all that damage last year in 134 games.  You remember that wish you made at the beginning of the year where you said ‘please just let Ellsbury stay healthy all year and I won’t ask for anything more’?  Well, you should’ve asked for him to stay as good as he was while you were at it.

Nathan Eovaldi – Got lit up like Buck Cherry would sing it, giving up 8 earned over 4 innings.  Since his 2.58 ERA in May, Nathan has Deovaldi’d since with an ERA above 4 in every subsequent month.  Much like a Pam Anderson boob, the bust out felt real to start but ended up as unreal as it seemed.

Brady Aiken – The Astros failed to sign the first overall pick of the 2014 draft, something that’s only happened three times in major league history and something that hasn’t happened since 1983.  I didn’t have the heart to look it up.  I’ll just assume it was the Astros the other two times and probably be right.

Miguel CabreraWent 2/4 with 2 singles and stole his first (read ‘only’) base of the year.  Miggy has had a July to forget so far, batting only .243 and hasn’t hit a homer since June 30th.  I’m sure he’ll turn it around but it’s months like these you say to yourself ‘was the debate really Mike Trout vs Miggy to start the year’?

Paul Goldschmidt – 1/3 with a bomb.  AU SCHIZZ!

Stephen Strasburg – I was talking with Grey the other day – yes we talk…sigh, no I can’t look directly at him when I do.  I’m told to wear a blind fold and to turn to the corner of the room when we do…and that’s just when he’s on the phone! – about the Stras and I said he’s shaping up to be Zack Greinke circa 2011-2013 where the hype was bigger than the production.  Stras has been good but not elite and nights like last night – 7 IP with 9 K but 4 ER – further this notion.  But I’m happy for you that you drafted a pitcher in the first three rounds.  No really, I am.

Anibal Sanchez – So here’s Anibal’s stats through 6 IP yesterday: 7 K, 3 hits, 0 ER.  And here’s what stat line he ended with: 6 IP, 7 K, 6 hits, 1 BB, 4 ER.  I’ll take ‘my manager doesn’t know when I’m done’ for $1000, Alex.  Of course, it doesn’t help when you leave the game and your bullpen gives up 2 HRs to push in every runner you left on base but still I’m with Eddie Vedder on this one: I’d rather be with an Anibal.

Dan Uggla – Was finally released by the Braves after back-to-back-to-back-to-back horrific seasons for Atlanta.  Word on the street is two teams – the Giants and the Phillies – are currently courting him.  The Phillies are showing him how much he can save on his annual colonoscopy with the group rate.  Meanwhile, the Giants are still pondering if he’s too young to take over for their Keith Richards of 2Bs, Marco Scutaro, or if the kid has enough experience to play above his age.

From Around The Web

  1. Hilarious and informative column Grey Jr, err, Sky!! BRILLIANT, laughed my ass off….

  2. SMLV1 says:
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    My Team –

    D. Norris– C
    Goldy – 1B
    Dozier – 2B
    Rendon – 3B
    Andrus – SS
    Stanton – OF
    Puig – OF
    Rios – OF
    Springer – OF
    Rizzo – 1B
    Moss – 1B,OF
    Polanco – OF

    E. Santana
    Cueto
    Shields
    Fister
    Arrieta
    Gio Gonzalez
    Ventura
    A. Wood
    Rosenthal
    Papelbon
    Joe Smith

    So, SKY your saying J. Smith is droppable? Should I add – Mejia, Sandoval, Gennett, Alcantera, Wong, Simmons.

    Also, drop Ervin Santana (246) overall SP for Wheeler, Quintana or H. Alvarez? Among others.

    12 Team H2H Y! standard league.

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Mejia for saves

      I’d hold Santana

  3. Cargo 0 fer 5 with FIVE punch-outs.
    I know 4 K’s in a games is the golden sombrero, is there a term for whiffing FIVE times in the same game?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I’m not sure, but that’s bad

      • @Mike: I got this from Wikipedia:

        The “Olympic Rings” or platinum sombrero applies to a player striking out five times in a game..

        • Mike

          Mike says:
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          haha nice. good info

  4. Haha. Nice work Sky. The Kipnis hasn’t got it done in 2014 that’s for sure. #Disgrace
    Too bad I have both The Kipnis and the Crush Davis this year.

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      bummer…hang on brother

  5. Sick McNasty says:
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    Love ur work Sky!
    Quick question: Will Miggy be 3b eligible on Yahoo next year? Thanks!

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      not sure what the league settings are, but he’s played 4 games there this season

  6. Bob says:
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    6×6 with QS

    Drop Burnett to pick up Hahn with no hesitation, right?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      sounds fine

  7. I Be Teheran It Up! says:
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    Kipnis on the bench…. Sonavabench!!

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      that sucks

  8. Wacha Wacha says:
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    Hi Sky
    Who do you like better going forward Price or Yu?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Price

  9. Steve Stevenson says:
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    Which SP to drop: Miley or Alvarez? 14-tm H2H, W, L and QS count.

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Miley

  10. Relsh says:
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    Great piece as always.

    I’m concerned Huston Street won’t be as effective on the Angels. Would I be over paying by trading him for Rajai Davis straight up? 12 team 6×6 H2H

    Cheers

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Really depends on your needs. Closers tend to go for a little more than that in my leagues, though.

  11. Charles says:
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    12 team points league. Should I start kluber today at Detroit? Big scoring for wins and they are starting some rookie name Dahagen.

    • Charles says:
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      @Charles: SON has kluber at $6.9

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      not a great $ value from SON, but I would personally start him, yes

  12. JWray says:
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    ROS L.Martin or A. Jackson????? Who gets more steals and who gets more homers?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      steals- Martin
      everything else – AJax

      I’d prefer to roster AJax

  13. Bostondirtdogs says:
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    14 team league-segura and choo just fell on waivers… Is either one worth a risk? I’m in 3rd place right now

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      sure, both are worth a risk. I’d lean towards Segura if I could only choose one but it really depends on what you need in terms of stats/positions

  14. John E Depth says:
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    Is it finally safe to drop Segura for Alcantara in a Keeper?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I wouldn’t make that swap in a keeper

  15. ChiliDavisConCarne says:
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    5×5 with ops, h2h league…
    after the asb, re analyzing my options
    Walker, Wong or Lawrie rest of the way
    asdrubal, segura, hardy or escobar
    typically win hrs, rbis, ops, lose r and sb

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Walker and Escobar would be my picks. Escobar since you need some steals

  16. Just Busted says:
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    Looking at Grey’s ROS rankings, I think I have my answer, but want another opinion for who comes out on top ROS in this trade:

    Beltre and Richards for Bautista and Latos

    Thanks!

    Yahoo H2H Standard League

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I like the Bautista side

  17. costaricanchata says:
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    @ Sky :

    you present a strong case (cause and effect) that
    traumatic childhood experiences lead to an appreciation
    of some pretty shitty music .
    from my perspective , the world would be a better place
    if you had been born and raised in south park .

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      haha

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @costaricanchata: What can I say, Costa. We can’t all have the fine tastes in music. BTW, how’s your Riff Raff album collecting going?

  18. Mike, You think the Twins will call up Alex Meyer any time soon, and is he worth a stash..10 team H2H weekly points, deep league…cheers

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      he’s ready and should get an opportunity in the 2nd half…not sure about how useful he’d be in a 10-teamer, I guess it depends on the depth of the rosters

      • @Mike: We start 10 SP’s each week, and most of us carry 3 or 4 on our benches, so the top 130 or so pitchers are taken, nothing on the waivers except a few closers and I loathe closers in H2H, they always burn me..

        Also, I have never been big on Rockies SP’s, except when I had Kevin Ritz, years ago, what is your take on Eddie Butler, he should be ready to go early next week..thanks for the advice..

        • Mike

          Mike says:
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          anytime. I could see taking a chance on Meyer. With the injury and the Coors factor, I’d rather go with him than Butler ROS

  19. Sky

    Sky says:
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    Big shout out to you, Mike. You’re giving me a chance for my wife not to hate me today!

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      haha no worries man.

      I’ve got 64 slices of American cheese and my reaching broom ready to go.

  20. Rake Fantasy says:
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    Great article. would you trade Votto for Quintana at this point? my hitting is stacked and i need pitching

  21. Toe Knee Arm Ass says:
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    Hi Mike ,Sky Well I caught someone yesterday trying to the 30 second b4 locks stream while no ones looking and grabbed Sandoval. Only problem now is I have Longo, Arenado , and Sandoval. I should trade 1. I’m thinking Longo. I tend to trade guys right b4 they wake up though. I need another arm looking at maybe Cliff Lee . Do you have an idea of what kind of arms a longo should get me thanks?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      should still net you a T15-T20 arm I would think

  22. Chicagifornia says:
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    How much would you bid on Huston Street in an AL-only ROTO league?

    I have $46 remaining for the ROS. Currently sitting in second place and could use saves.

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Unless you think a better closer/player will make his way to the AL, I’d put a large chunk, if not all of that on him.

      • Chicagifornia says:
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        @Mike:

        One note–it’s a keeper league, and if we bid more than $24, then we need to sign him to a guaranteed 2 year contract at that price (out of a standard $260 budget).

        • Mike

          Mike says:
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          gotcha. that’s improtant obviously. I’d go the full $23 so you dont have to keep him

          • Chicagifornia says:
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            @Mike:

            Agreed. Thanks Mike!

  23. GOBOT's-byDarn says:
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    so I lost Joe Smtih as my Cali closer to Street whos not available. Any suggestions to pick up?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      Giles and Feliz are decent specs

  24. Filkarri says:
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    Start or sit H. Alvarez and D. Keuchel? My instincts tell me to keep Keuchel on the bench until he proves his wrist is not still falling apart. Alvarez has been pitching well, but his last start before the all star break was shaky and the Giants offense seems to have remembered how to score runs so my confidence levels aren’t running high. SoN doesn’t like either. Thanks for your advice!

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I like Alvarez, but agree with Phenom on Keuchel

  25. T-ed says:
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    In a pitching for hitting vaccuum, who would you target for Teheran? Would you do Hanley straight up?

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I would take Hanley for Teheran, yes

  26. Zar says:
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    :( Skys rubbing in my face…I drafted Mauer…from Waivers :D

    I’m projected to be 2 over my games started limit. Do I start Hudson vs Mia or Roark vs Mil? Do I start both or just one. I’m leaning towards starting Hudson and Benching Roark…

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I’d lean that way with you

  27. No Soup for Yu says:
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    Trying to sell Yu.. which of these pitchers would you rather have than Darvish? Cueto, Hamels, Kluber, Gio,

    Thanks a bunch!

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I think Cueto and Hamels would be the closest. Can’t say I’d “rather” have them, but they’d be the replacements I’d feel the most comfortable with.

  28. Chris says:
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    I need a streamer for tomorrow. Smyly vs. Cle. (Tomlin) or Despaigne vs. NYM (Wheeler). H2H points league.

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      I’d go with Despaigne vs. Mets

  29. Jay says:
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    Revere/Longoria for Rendon/C. Carter? He’s looking for steals and I need some power/2b upgrade.

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      sounds fair. I might try to push for more than Carter if I’m giving up Longo though

  30. Nightpandas says:
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    How about Rockies hitters are ‘”home brew” only

    • Mike

      Mike says:
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      very nice…I like that

  31. goodfold2 says:
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    ruggiano was my hero in 2013 in my main money league 16 teamer.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @goodfold2: Been pretty good so far this year too and with a better average.

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @Sky: yep, was lucky enough to grab him like 2 or 3 weeks ago for NL only.

  32. frankgrimes says:
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    Sky!
    Are you not doing football side this year?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @frankgrimes: I’m not the lead writer on football for 2014, no, but I will be writing over there. Covering DraftKings content and will also do a post on my Scott Fish Bowl team here shortly.

      • frankgrimes says:
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        @Sky:
        ok cool I’ll try to get in an rcl with ya

  33. fausto says:
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    Rebuilding on the fly. Weekly h2h.
    -Need ci lost cron/encarnacion
    Best options- Loney, Castellanos, Plouffe, Dominguez (own harrison but hes too platooney).

    -need mi own( kendrick/alcantera)
    Drop harrison for loney or castellanos?
    Drop joe smith for scooter?
    If alcantera sticks he’ll have of elig soon.
    Bonifacios return could be the end of alcantrera.
    Thoughts? Thanks.

    • fausto says:
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      @fausto: Danny Santana is avail as well. ….

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        @fausto: Castellanos/Santana

        Cubs are rebuilding, unless Arismendy falls completely off the map production-wise, I can’t see them not keeping the kid up with the team playing regularly.

        • goodfold2 says:
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          @Sky: why would barney play over alcantara?

  34. tals23 says:
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    What about ” Coloradont'” for the Rockies pitchers when they start on the road….or is that too obvious?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @tals23: I think you meant hitters there…probably not up to par with the other glossary terms. Thanks, though, for the attempt!

  35. Kevin says:
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    Drop Haren for Bucholtz?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Kevin: eh, sure. Both really streamers in my book unless you’re in an extremely deep mixed league.

Comments are closed.