I’ve given much love to Desmond Jennings already on this blog, and since what I’ve previously wrote still works, indulge me for a second, “Desmond’s time is nigh, a word that only sounds negative. DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects. He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. Dora the Explorer, Boots the Monkey and Swiper the Fox all wrapped in one! (What, not street enough?) If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford. More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford. Say a Carlford. You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!” And that’s me quoting me! In 2010, he swiped 37 bags with a .362 OBP in Triple-A. In only 57 games in Triple-A this year, 9 homers and 10 steals. Somebody gag Sam Fuld, put a gorilla suit on him and send him to Africa. We want Jennings. *fast-herpes-medication-side-effect-voice* Fuld should be benched any day now for Jennings’ call-up. Or in the next week or so. It’s worth the flyer for upside. If conditions persist for longer than 48 hours, call your doctor. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – Gordon is so fast he just ran into Kitchen Stadium, spit on Michael Symon’s head, buffed it and ran out without Alton even noticing. I see no reason why you shouldn’t own Gordon everywhere for a few weeks to see if he not only sticks but steals some bases. For more on my Dee Gordon fantasy, see that link. I wrote it while picking out all the strawberry Dippin’ Dots from the Banana Split mix.
Jemile Weeks – I’m less excited about Jemile because his power and speed aren’t of the game-changing variety. Could he get hot and be a worthwhile pickup in all leagues? Do I call 16-year-old girls that are dressed too old for their age prostitots? Yes and yes.
Cord Phelps – Um…Well…He has patience. Great, go back to school and become a kindergarten teacher. He’s all right in AL-Only leagues where anyone with a starting job is worth owning.
Scott Sizemore – He’s better than Cord Phelps, who is one of those guys you have to say both his names for it to sound right, but Sizemore’s playing time is a bit iffier.
Anthony Rizzo – I just went over my Anthony Rizzo fantasy. I wrote that while riding an ostrich through downtown Detroit.
Mike Carp – He was hitting the dickens out the ball in the PCL, but since that’s so hitter friendly I wouldn’t have great expectations.
Mike Moustakas – I just went over my Mike Moustakas fantasy. Scroll down, it’ll burn calories and then you can have some extra dessert.
Chris Johnson – He’s pretty yawnstipating but he has been hitting better this month. Do what you will with that information. Keep in mind, you may have to hold a gun to my head in the comments to tell you to pick him up. Or I guess you could just ask me if I like him or Chone Figgins.
Miguel Olivo – He’s hitting home runs. Plural-ing there on purpose, because he doesn’t ever hit just one. He’s like the Lay’s of catchers.
Charlie Blackmon – Dexter Fowler is sidelined due to sucking so the Rox called up Blackmon. Blackmon is actually an exciting flyer if this wasn’t the Rockies who have 5 great upside flyers per position. Hey, Rockies, take a cue from the Astros and get boring. Thank you!
Lucas Duda – Supposed to be called up today. Zip-a-dee-Duda, zip-a-dee-ay. My, oh my, what a Duda day. He has slightly-above average power and no speed. Outside of very deep mixed leagues and NL-Only leagues, I’d wait to see what Duda brings to the Camptown Races.
Ben Revere – He feels like one of those short-term plays that actually stays in your fantasy lineup for much longer because he’s producing. Wherever you’re struggling with a 5th outfielder, I’d give him a shot.
Nyjer Morgan – Here’s the situation, last year Chris Volstad hit Nyjer Morgan with a pitch, Nyjer Morgan charged the mound and got mollywhopped. Cut to last week, Nyjer comes up to face Volstad and takes him deep. The face on Nyjer as he trotted around the bases sorta made him my new favorite player ever in everdom. Then I dug into what other shenanigans he’s been up to and I found a video that sums him up in a big ball of crazy. He gets the walk-off hit and had no idea, he thought his team was winning. Yes, he thought his team was winning even though they were the home team and it was the ninth inning. I love you, Nyjer. Don’t ever change, or get arrested for whatever drugs you’re on. Oh, as for fantasy, he’s on the strong side of a platoon and can steal.
Jason Bourgeois – If you can swap him in and out of your lineup, you may get 30+ steals from a part-time player. Cust kayin’.
Xavier Paul – He could be 12-team mixed league worthy if he had a starting job. Unfortunately, he’s not the fortunate one. In NL-Only daily leagues, I’d grab him, but you gotta be ready to put your keys in the fish bowl and swap.
Rubby de la Rosa – There’s something so rhythmic about the last name de la Rosa that you can put any name in front and it sounds cool. “Hola, compadres, Grey de la Rosa aqui, let’s talk fantasy!” See? The great thing about Rubby is he can strike out hitters. Though he does walk people, that’s the rub(by).
Edinson Volquez – “Striking out and walking people? That’s my bag, baby!” That’s Volquez reading the last blurb.
Dillon Gee – You know the Hodpadres get a lot of love here, but the guys toeing the rubber in Metco seem underappreciated. I’m about to course correct. Hope you ain’t too cool for the safe belt.
Jon Niese – His home ERA is 2.76. Okay, course corrected.
Charlie Morton – I’ve been telling you to pick him up since April. He has a 2.52 ERA. It won’t stay that low, but, c’mon, you can still own him.
Javy Guerra – “Muahahahahahaha…” That’s Mattingly laughing at you trying to figure out who his closer is.
Jon Rauch – Farrell said Rauch is the Blue Jays closer. Then Farrell sang, “Tattoos make great necks…They’ll make great necks!”
Justin Morneau – Your best bet at this point is to pull off The Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending). The Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending) is when you take an underwhelming star and trade them for someone else’s headache. Because, really, what else are you going to do with this schmohawk at this point? If you can’t pull off a Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending), in most 12 team and under leagues, it’s time to cut bait. He’s playing hurt and he looks like he should be shutdown.
Adam Dunn – I’ve ranked these four Sell candidates for The Patented Flip-Flop Flop* (*Patent pending) in order of least chance of a rebound to greatest. I’m worried about Dunn more than Uggla because of the position eligibility and because of Ozzie. It wouldn’t surprise me to see Ozzie sit Dunn vs. all lefties moving forward even if he starts hitting. Not saying Dunn shouldn’t sit vs. them but it’ll hurt his counting stats either way. Or Ethier way. I do think Dunn can still get to 30 home runs, but the average and counting stats will probably be poor.
Dan Uggla – It’s as simple as the nose on your face (and the eye patch you wear just for looks). If Uggla hits .220 and 25 home runs at 2nd base, it’s not good, but it would be worse at 1st base. Am I trading a decent guy for him? No, I’m not. I would trade one of the two above schmohawks for him though. And I’d trade Josh Tomlin for him. And other players of that ilk. And, yes, ilk is as douchey a word to write as it is to say.
Shin-Soo Choo – You know when they say a player just has to get out of his own way? Yeah, I don’t know who they are, but they could’ve been talking about Choo. Nothing wrong with Choo other than he’s in a shame spiral about his DUI and he’s about to commit seppuku. He just needs a good talking to and maybe a marathon bukkake session and Choo will be back doing what he do. I’d still sell him, I just wouldn’t sell him for a Groupon for a Segway tour of the South Bronx.