There were signs…. He’d call Dexter Fowler, “Dudley.” He’d call Todd Helton, “Tootie.” He’d hit like a menopausal woman with no occasional hot flashes. But you take the good, you take the bad… It’s “Take the good” first! Where’s the good, Garret Atkins? It’s time to clean house and Atkins is the first one to go. Here’s what I said in February in the rankings, “The Holliday trade to the A’s hurts Atkins value too. And, frankly, for the last three years, Atkins was hurting his own value. He’s gone from 29 to 25 to 21 home runs since 2006. If you were taking the SATs, the next number in that sequence would be 17. His slugging percentage has been following suit, as well. The way Atkins is headed, he’s going to need 2nd base eligibility to have any value by 2010.” And that’s me quoting me! Atkins hit 2 home runs yesterday. Sell! Sell! Sell! He’s an average 3rd baseman who will probably be traded from the Rockies in the coming months. Honestly, you’re probably be better off with Mark Teahen at 3rd. Someone somewhere many years ago said Atkins is going to hit 30 homers because he plays in Coors and for some reason people have not stopped believing it. It’s a crock. You know who else is crizzap? Troy Tulowitzki. Who are you, Troy Tulowitzki? I know, Stephen Drew; I know Ben Zobrist. I do not know Troy Tulowitzki. The Rockies are the new blech. So it’s time to shake things up, right? Yes. For you and the Rockies. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy and Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Gonzalez – They’ll probably trade Hawpe to a contender and play Carlos Gonzalez full-time. Or just sit Seth Smith. The Rockies HATE Seth Smith. (Caps for emphasis and the doode reading over your shoulder.) CarGo’s a solid flier in deep, NL-Only leagues, especially keepers. In mixed leagues, if you have room, I’d take the gamble because you never know and you might be able to flip him for a better, more reliable piece if he starts off hot. He does have 15/15 potential, but he’s probably no better than Ben Francisco at this point.
Carlos Quentin - I don’t want to give you false hope and it’s always wise to be careful when dealing with injuries with injury-prone players — will it magically reappear in three days after you trade for him? — but I’m optimistic Carlos Quentin can come back from his injury and be productive.
Tommy Hanson – One of the few rookie pitchers that should be owned in every league. Even 2 team leagues that have one man benches.
Andrew McCutchen – Think of him as SAGNOF and nothing else.
David Murphy – With Hamilton out, Murphy’s been starting every day. He has a .357 average and two steals in the last seven games. When Beltran went down, I grabbed Murphy on one team and I haven’t dropped him back to waivers yet.
J.P. Howell – Could be distancing himself from the Wheelerfourson. In all of my leagues, I’m currently holding Wheeler and no one else from the Wheelerfourson. If Wheeler doesn’t get a save opp in the next week, he’s gone too.
Ricky Nolasco – I’d bench him for his start on Sunday. But I would pick him up.
Sean Rodriguez – What do the Angels do with a 2nd baseman who has 18 homers in 179 ABs in Triple-A? Promote him and demote Howie Kendrick? ( I told you to get rid of Kendrick two weeks ago in the Buy/Sell — you can find old Buy/Sells on the left sidebar. Print them out and wallpaper your brain. Or save money on toilet paper. You’re call!) Or do the Angels promote Rodriguez, demote Kendrick, wait two weeks until Kendrick starts hitting in the Coors-like PCL and then promote Kendrick right back and demote Rodriguez again like they’ve been doing with Brandon Wood for the last three years? Phew, that was the longest question in the history of words. I think there’s a 50/50 chance of either scenario happening. In deep leagues, you grab Rodriguez now so you don’t have to beat your entire league to the waiver wire.
Matt Joyce – Joyce is best known for, “A Portrait of the Power Hitter Who Needs Playing Time.” Lost Quentin to injuries and Votto and Bruce to the dark side? Joyce can give your team a power boost.
J.A. Happ – Extending his kiddie leash so we can see another start.
Randy Wells – After going through five starts with a 1.69 ERA and a .97 WHIP, it’s mixed league time, friends. He’s been too good at this point for him to be sitting on waivers.
Gordon Beckham – Went over him yesterday. Here’s the Cliff Notes version, “British 2nd baseman who’s married to one of the Spice Girls. Once had a dalliance with the Queen. Pick him up in leagues if you need MI help.”
Miguel Tejada – A resurgence at Latin 35? Doode’s like 52 years old. You know who else is 52? Your uncle. Can your uncle win the NL batting title? Well, is your uncle Rod Carew? No? Well, there.
Torii Hunter – Was great for two months. No doubt, Stefani. But he’s not a 30/30/.300 guy.
Asdrubal Cabrera – We’re still friends of Asdrubal, but you don’t need to DL him. Peace out, ‘Drubal.
Kosuke Fukudome – He’s the definition of yawnstipating. 5/4/.308 after two months? That comes out to approximately eh/meh/okay by the end of the year.
Nyjer Morgan – He has 11 steals on the year. Whoopie-farfennyjer!