The Twins’ Francisco Liriano may actually have a Twin. Let’s call him Diego Liriano (runner-up choices were Jose, Antonio, Luis Obispo, and Fernando Valley). Maybe Diego pitched his first 5 starts – the ones where Liriano got shelled to the tune of 24 ER, 18 BB, and 27 Hits within 23 2/3 innings. How else do you explain a Twin with Liriano written on his back throwing a no-hitter last night? Okay, I suppose you can look at the stats and see that Liriano threw 6 walks and only 2 strikeouts during his no-hitter. You know how rare that is? Really, we need to know because Elias Sports Bureau charges for that kind of thing. I’d steer cleareano of Liriano and/or sell him if he was on my team – no reason to keep a guy with a WIP of 0.67 (WHIP minus the H) if he isn’t K-ing a ton of people.
On to the rest of fantasy baseball news…
Erik Bedard - Managed 7 innings of 2 ER on only 2 H and 2 BB. More impressively, he managed to avoid an arm injury. He’s bringing hope to the Rich Hardens and Ben Sheetseses of the world.
Jon Lester – Lestah got his 4th win by giving up only 1 ER and 11 Ks versus the visiting Angels. Looks like someone isn’t liking all that “Weaver for Cy Young” talk.
Cole Hamels – It was a good night for lefties as Hamels threw a complete game victory against the Nats – giving up only one ER with 6 Ks and 6 baserunners. That’s now 4 wins for Hamels with 40 Ks in 40 IP, a 2.66 ERA, and a 1.01 WHIP. Not bad for a 4th starter.
Mike Leake – Wrong night to be a righty (3 2/3 IP, 7 ER). We streamed Leake in one of our leagues and Leake streamed all over our ERA and WHIP. The game might’ve been in Cincy but this sure smelled like a Cleveland Streamer.
Zach Braddock – DL with a sleep disorder. He had 3 Ks on Sunday but obviously fell short of that on Z’s. They knew it was bad when he fell asleep in the bratwurst tray during the post-game meal. Luckily, he was pulled out before Prince went-a-forkin’.
Ian Stewart – Recalled from Triple-A. If you just lost Kung Fu Panda then Mini Mini Donkey is a decent enough flyer… And if the preceding sentence made total sense to you, you might want to go outside once in a while and smell the flowers.
Jonathan Broxton – Brought into a tie game in the top of the 9th, walks 2 of 3 batters, and Mattingly pulls him for Blake Hawksworth. Blake Hawksworth stayed true to his WWE character and played the heel – letting them both score on a Geovany Soto double. Personally, I would’ve brought in a masked Vicente Padilla.
Jon Rauch – Blew his first save of the year via a BJ Upton 2-run HR. That sucks but he had saved 5 in a row before that. My guess is he still gets the next save opp vs. Frank-Frank. It’s an important decision that could be the difference between an 80 win season or an 82 win season for the Blue Jays.
Jose Valverde - Redempción for Jose as he gets the save against the Yanks one game after taking the loss.
Scott Sizemore – Called up and rewards Leyland for his delayed belief in him with a 3 for 4 night. That’s only one less hit than he managed last May (4 for 34). I’d joke more about how Sizemore sucked last year but Grey still hasn’t gotten over it. Maybe he can now stop singing his ‘Say Anything’ tribute to him….Scott Sizemore lies more…when he’s 0-for-four….
Fausto Carmona - Played 8 innings of chicken with Tyson Ross and the A’s and won when Fuentes coughed up 3 runs in the top of the 9th. He’s been on a roll of late but he’s also had some pretty favorable matchups (@OAK, @MIN, home vs. KC and BAL). I’d say he’s an okay streamer option in mixed leagues when he has a decent matchup but his low K rate and occasional wildness leaves me wary.
Eduardo Sanchez – Got his 2nd save of the season by getting Gaby Sanchez to pop up and Mike Stanton to strike out after he had let two get on via a walk and HBP. He now has 18 Ks in 11 innings and he definitely probably maybe is the new closer of the Cardinals. You never know with LaRussa. Speaking of LaRussa, did you hear that his daughter is going to be an Oakland Raiders cheerleader? I guess cheering for steroided Oakland athletes runs in the family.
Jose Bautista – Out for a couple of days with an inflamed neck. I’m sure it’ll subside once he agrees to live up to the deal and hand over his soul to the devil.
Orlando Hudson - All you Hudson owners who were waiting for the inevitable injury that would sadly put an end Hudson’s improbable SB spree, your wait is over. Strained hamstring. Even if he doesn’t go on the DL, that’ll put the kibosh on SBs for the time being. If he does go on the DL, keep an eye on Eric Patterson who could steal bases in bunches.
Nelson Cruz – Cruz came out of the game with a tight quad. Does he even have to go to the trainer for these issues anymore? Hasn’t he learned to treat himself by now – kind of like how Swayze’s character in Roadhouse could stitch himself?
Pedro Alvarez – He also left early with a tight quad which still made him the 4th healthiest 3rd baseman to start on opening day.
Jason Bourgeois – 3 for 5 with 2 doubles, 2 RBIs, and a SB as he filled in for the injured Carlos Lee. That’s 10 SBs – he’s nearly out-SAGNOFing Bourn. He’s a must own as long as he’s starting – though Jason resents the implication that ‘owning’ him means he’s part of the proletariat. You’ve been Marxed!
Mat Latos – The time to buy low on Latos – if there was a time – may be starting to close. He gave up 2 ER in 6 IP. Two key points with Latos: 1) He has 30 Ks in 27 IP and 2) He pitches half his games in Petco.
Carlos Pena – Pena finally got his 1st HR of the year. Pena can now start attending the weekly HAGNOF meetings (how ya doin’, Mr. Branyan!). One more HR and he’ll be all tied up with Nate Schierholtz!
Nate Schierholtz - The answer to the unasked question of “Who had the most random slam and legs so far in 2011?” If only Vegas let you play the Slam & Legs exacta, I could spout that it was 10,000-to-1 odds or something like that. And Bill Simmons could regale us with stories like, “My buddy and I had $100 on Big Papi for the 500-to-1 exacta and he hits a HR in the 3rd. That was the easy part. But in the 9th inning, the Sox are down by two and he walks. He steals 2nd on the next pitch and they call defensive indifference! I can’t believe I went to the game over watching an ESPN Classic replay of the 1983 Celtics-Knicks ‘Boston Tea Party’ game where Kevin McHale got the whole Knick team in a headlock and Larry Bird tea-bagged each one.”
Shin-Soo Choo – Arrested for DUI. Soo Choo? More like Shochu or Soju! (that joke would kill if we were a Korean or Japanese blog!) They didn’t even bother to take out the breathalyzer as Choo’s face gave it away. Damn you Alcohol flush reaction – aka Asian Flush! Upon told by the cops that his face looked flush, Choo asked what the f**k that meant and was forced to spend the next couple hours riding a tricycle and getting taken in poker.