Brandon Webb may miss the rest of the season. Nothing good comes from drafting a top pitcher. Nothing, I tell you. I own Peavy in two leagues, so I’m right there with youse. Remind next year to revert back to not drafting starters in the first five rounds. Actually, next year you probably will be able to get Webb and Peavy after the fifth round. Hmm, that’s a pickle. Guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Webb was diagnosed with an “Ain’t Getting Better” problem. Captain Obvious says, “When a guy misses three months, then goes for an MRI, it’s not a good sign.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s shutdown for the year. But you’ve held him this long, what’s another day or two to hear the full prognosis? BTW, prognosis is doctor-talk for the 411. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Coco Crisp – Out for the season when his shoulder went snap, crackle, pop.
Carlos Beltran – Out on the 15-day DL. Now, get this, the Mets say the best case scenario is he returns in 15 days. Crazy, right? I wonder what the best case scenario would’ve been if he was out on the 14-day DL. Or 16-day DL.
Joel Pineiro – Two hit the Mets with one strikeout. In other the news, Willie Randolph laughs.
Joey Votto – Returned to the lineup after being out for almost a month on the Dizzabled List. I still think he can surpass Berkman’s numbers this season. (Doesn’t hurt that Berkman’s having a season for the old ages.) I’d buy into Votto picking up right where he left off.
Grady Sizemore – 2-for-5 in his return. I’m not crazy about Grady going forward. Elbow’s a tricky thing and Sizemore doesn’t seem to have a volume down button on his hustle.
Brandon Inge – Hit his 17th homer yesterday. Matt Wieters hit his 2nd.
Magglio Ordonez – Liquid Paper, be damned. Leyland returned Ordonez to the lineup in the 7th hole. Mags repaid him with an 0-for-2 night, then Raburn eventually replaced him and hit a walkoff homer. Now Raburn needs to play 2,130 consecutive games then Gary Cooper Jr. Jr. can play him in The Pride of the Tigers.
Kosuke Fukudome – Batted seventh yesterday. Okay, he’s crizzap. No argument here. But he does have a .390 OBP.
Jake Fox – DNP as Hoffpauir DH’d. The day before Fox hit third. Piniella’s following the Leyland School of Filling Out a Lineup Card. One day, they don’t play. The next day, they hit third. Following day, sit out again. You figure it out.
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-3, batting .297 on the season. Wasn’t he just batting .415 and carrying Nats Nation on his shoulders?
David Huff – 8 IP, 0 ER. Now he has a story to tell his grandkids when they ask about his career highlight.
Ian Snell – 2 2/3, 4 ER. Member when this guy was good? Think it was the autumn of ’06. A burial cave dating back to the 1st century BC was discovered, the Crocodile Hunter met his match with a stingray and Snell won a game. Good times!
Jhonny Peralta – HR yesterday. Someone wasn’t happy Khalil was taking all the weirdly placed H love.
Jason Frasor – Got the save. Frasor and the ‘do split, and it’s now safe to drop everyone else from the Jays pen.
David Price – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER and nine baserunners. From the comments Razzball received yesterday, I’d say Price’s owners aren’t too happy with him. I’d look at buying him on the cheap. They’re zigging? Zag, friend, zag!
John Mayberry – HR yesterday. All he does is hit home runs! No, really, that’s all he does.
B.J. Upton – 2-for-5. .430 in the last week. .330 in June. If he hits 3 homers a month for the next three months and continues to steal near his current pace, he’ll go 15/50.
Matt Lindstrom – Mollywopped for three runs in 2/3 of an inning. Leo Nunez left before that with a sprained ankle. Those with sprained patience could grab Dan Meyer as he’d be next in line in Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Dolphins/Brought to you by Blockbuster Stadium. Though I think Lindstrom has a few more closetastrophes in him before we get to Meyer.
Andrew Miller -7 IP, 1 ER. Nice start, I’m still not buying.
Koji Uehara – 6 IP, 1 ER. I like him, but would love to see him get out of the sixth inning in one of these games.
Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 3 ER. Even when the start’s good, he chucks in five walks.
Casey McGehee – 2-for-5. No one else is going to hit for the Brewers? Everyone’s favorite novel, “Picking Up Slack,” by McGehee.
Billy Butler – 2 homers in the last four games. That’s one homer for each moob.
Miguel Tejada – 3-for-4, Tay-HA-duh’s still hitting an empty .337. Say-Blah-duh.
Tommy Hanson – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER. Sure, you’re annoyed you benched him, but five walks through just over five and nine baserunners isn’t a great start. Benching him was the right move.
Jorge Posada – Donned the golden sombrero and is now hitting .230 in June.
Hiroki Kuroda – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks. All those starters people DL in hopes of them returning with value and Kuroda will probably exceed them all. Sure, he gets smacked oops upside his head sometimes, but he’s also lights out plenty of other times. Grey hearts Kuroda. Actually, Grey hearts 95% of NL West pitchers not named Jonathan Sanchez. Fingers, why are you talking about me in third person? My bad.
Felipe Lopez – 3-for-5 and has hit in 18 of 20 games this month. But… Wait for it… Here it comes… Is batting .262 in June. Hey, one-for-fours, say hello to your mother for me.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks. Six innings and guess how many pitches. 119. I feel an idea coming on for the All-Star game festivities that involves Scherzer and Kershaw facing off with no bullpens allowed.
Troy Tulowitzki – Two homers as Razzball’s favorite son is back. Now to get going Razzball’s favorite uncle, Nick Markakis.
Chad Gaudin – 11 Ks. Wait, huh? Eleven strikeouts. Ah, yes, that’s the stuff.
Scott Hairston – Returned from the DL and slid right back into the number three hole. Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Beltran’s out. That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie. Different things.
Sammy Sosa – Claims are surfacing that he altered his jersey to make his arms look bigger. It was only after team officials convinced him that he shouldn’t leave on the rubber tie-offs that he put on his arms pre-injection. “But they make me look like The Ultimate Warrior!”
