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Robinson Cano? Please tell me you’re not going to suggest we buy into Robinson Cano? Please, Grey, I was beginning to find you halfway intelligent. Sorry, random italicized voice, I’m a glutton for punishment.  Someone has a terrific season the previous year (Pedroia) and I pull back.  A player craps the bed in the previous season (Robinson Cano) and I get excited about them. This is the story of my life with women too.  Kick me in the nads and I’ll buy you steel-toed boots.  (One thing I have learned, never — and I mean never — ask a girl what’s wrong.  Sweep that shizz under the rug where it belongs. Or better yet, pretend everything’s fine.)  Last year, Cano had a low BABIP for him and his line drive rate.  I won’t go too much into the numbers; I know that too many numbers makes your head hurt.  But Robinson Cano should’ve hit about .300 last year.  He was unlucky and ended up with a .271 average.  His line drive rate was on par with his career norms, actually exceeding his 2007 rate when he hit .306.  I usually try to avoid players that don’t know how to take a walk, but through his entire career he’s been this player and has done fine with this approach.  I don’t see Cano as someone that is going to breakout in 2009 with tremendous power and speed.  He is what he is.  Think 17/80/.300 hitter.  At 2nd base, there’s value in that.  Then throw in the fact that he’s usually only a 2nd half player, yet so far this April he’s been hitting the ball really well.  So to recap, never ask a girl what’s wrong and buy Cano.  Got it?  Good!  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Ryan Franklin – Shouldn’t be on waivers in any league at this point.  If he is, for shame.

Ryan Braun – Sticking with the newly established Ryan theme.  Braun says he’s fine, but these guys lie all the time.  So he is hurting.  Okay, let’s assume the worst case scenario is he slumps until June.  That’s a horrific slump.  A slump that will suck the life out of you.  In 2007, he was hitting .222 with one home run entering June.  He finished that year with 34 HRs and 15 steals.  Granted, he was just called up, but his ability to put up huge numbers in a short time still holds true.  Yes, buy a slumping guy who seems to be struggling with an injury.  You need alligator blood when the high bettor checks to you.

John Danks – Ooh, Verducci said he’s going to breakdown this year and I’m telling you to go out and get him.  Such a rebel! Danks is a third year starter and I do have a penchant for those.  In 2008, his walks were down, K/9 up, HRs fell… If not for a Snelly July of ’08, he would’ve been a top 20 starter.  This is Danks.  This is your brain owning Danks.  Yay!  Any questions?

Kyle Davies – I hate picking up guys and then not starting him, but I also don’t want to watch a guy breakout on someone else’s team.  Tough call with Davies, but you may have to grab him then sit on him.  Try the torso, that seems most comfortable.

Jay Bruce – He’s exceptionally gifted.  I know, I know.  Exceptionally gifted in one hand and a hot Mike Cameron in the other and you want Cameron.  Patience is a virtue, or so I’ve read after a delicious General Tsao’s Chicken.

Aaron Hill – Aaron Hill’s Fan Club meetings got a few more members this week.  When I asked Rudy if his love affair with Freddy Sanchez would ever end, he said no.  Then rethought, and said maybe for Aaron Hill.  Somebody’s got wandering eyes!

SELL

Ichiro Suzuki – Stress free, Ichiro returned with a home run.  Now sell this schmohawk.  No, I don’t think you should sell him for a bag of buttered popcorn and a Buddy Biancalana rookie card, but if you can get a valuable piece, do it.

Heath Bell – Really I could put any top closer here.  If you need a piece for your team, the first guy you should be looking to trade is a closer.  They’re expendable.

Armando Galarraga – “He’s near the league leaders in Wins, ERA, WHIP and he makes a terrific Eggs Benedict.  Poaching eggs is not easy.”  The preceding was you trying to trade Galarraga to one of your leaguemates.

Jordan Schafer – He’s struckout 10 times in the last 15 ABs.  That’s brilliantly bad.  Not bad as in good, but bad as in bad.  Imagine he gets 500 ABs and strikes out 450 times.  That would be cool.

Emilio Bonifacio – Nobody puts Bonifacio in the corner!