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In the words of one Champ Kind, “That’s a whaaammy!” Hanley Ramirez left the game last night with a hamstring injury in just his fourth game back from the DL for a torn ligament in his thumb. HanRam will have tests done this weekend but early signs are not good. He did that “Oww! PAIN!”-grab-the-back-of-the-leg move that Giancarlo Stanton owners are no doubt familiar with, and he needed the help of two trainers to get off the field. Manager Don Mattingly said it looked like he’ll miss “…a good amount of time,” and wouldn’t expect him back anytime soon. Don also added, “Hot damn-ley! This screws up all my plan-leys!” That makes two of us, Donny. Ramirez’s rehab for his thumb went so smoothly we should have known some doom and gloom was on the way. In addition to returning ahead of schedule and bursting with confidence (I don’t think I ever heard HanRam speaking so enthusiastically about playing, I guess leaving the Marlins can do wondrous things for morale), Hanley started out mashing right out of the gate, batting .455 with a homer and stolen base. It was too good to be true. Sure, no one thought he was Ironman-ley (III: Gandhi’s Revenge!), but this is tough luck for anyone. Hopefully owners haven’t dropped their Josh Donaldsons, Brandon Crawfords or various other replacements just yet because they could likely be without HanRam for the next 3-5 weeks, if not more.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Chris Davis – Chris “The Dish” (nobody calls him that) Davis left last night’s game with a knee injury and is scheduled for an MRI today. Grey told you to SELL high yesterday and if you traded him in that small five hour window between when that post went up and when Davis went down, you sir, are one of Razzball’s elite.

Aroldis Chapman – 0.2 IP, BS, 4 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 1 K. Say it ain’t so, Roldy! How could you do this to my WHIP? Really, I blame Dusty for bringing him in with the four run lead. Closers can’t handle that shizz. J.J. Hoover came in to replace Chapman (but not in our hearts) for his first save.

Felix Hernandez – 8.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 7 K. Blue Jays, you’ve been Felix’d. F-Her has given up just 2 runs in his past four starts, pitching 30.0 IP, with 35 K and 3 wins. Good to be the King.

Ricky Romero – 4.0 IP, 3 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. 70 pitches. OK. Well, not as bad as I anticipated, but I still wouldn’t pick him up outside of 10-12 team AL East-Only leagues.

Kyle Seager – 3-for-4 with a 2-run HR. The Mariners can’t seem to develop any of their young hitters but Kyle Seager continues to thrive. Maybe it’s the humidity. As his OKCupid profile reads, Kyle loves rainy days, eating very chocolatey things all of the time, trashy romance novels, and hitting home runs.

Dustin Ackley – 2-for-4 with a RBI. Grey told you to BUY him last week and maybe he was a week early. He tallied his fourth multi-hit game in the past 10 games so as that average slowly creeps up, hopefully those counting stats will too.

Jon Pettibone – 6.1 IP, 5 hits, 1 ER, 3 K. He may be sort of bad to the Pettibone, but the Marlins are just much, much worse.

Ryan Howard – 2-for-3 with his 5th HR. Didn’t I tell you to sell him last week?

Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4. Ozuna has hit safely in his first four games and he was one of Grey’s BUYs this week for NL-Only. Doesn’t the name Ozuna just sound like a massive power hitter’s name? That’s reason enough to keep your eye on him.

Dominic Brown – 1-for-3 with his 5th HR. Now homered in back-to-back games and is hitting .333 over the past week. That’s what Brown can do for you. Dom needs to be owned everywhere, people, he’s up to 90% owned in RCL but available almost everywhere outside the Razzuniverse. So go do your thing.

Carlos Ruiz – 1-for-3, SB. Way to be, Chooch! Grey told you to BUY him. If he’s still available in your league, he shouldn’t be. Owned in just under half of RCL leagues, there’s a 50% chance that Ruiz is better than whoever your catcher is. Yes, him too.

A.J. Burnett – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 1 ER, 9 K and his 3rd win. A.J. trails league leader Yu Darvish in strikeouts by just one with 58, but to be fair Darvish is doing it without the assistance of sleeve tattoos. I don’t have to tell you Burnett could be a good candidate to sell high, I don’t see his value getting much higher than it is right now.

Jason Grilli – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 3 K and his 12th save. We call that a Kimbrel.

Ross Detwiler – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. We knew a correction was coming somewhat, so this actually could have been a lot worse. Outside of deeper leagues, might be time to toss Ross back to the waiver wire.

Adam LaRoche – 2-for-3 with a run. At this point any signs of life are encouraging for owners. Naturally, I just dropped him yesterday so to be honest I’m actually rooting against him. #bitter

Starling Marte – 2-for-4 with a run and 2 SB. Now has nine stolen bases, I told you to sell high last week but he keeps crushing and stealing. Crushing and stealing. The Starlings are aligned and this one is shining bright, baby!

Jordy Mercer – 1-for-4 with a 2-run HR. Jordy, who until yesterday I thought played for the Packers, was called up to replace Neil Walker on the active roster. Besides the home run, I only mention Jordo because he batted in-between Marte and McCutchen and there are a lot worse places in the the majors to bat than that. He hit just .210 last season in limited time with the P-Rats but he’s worth keeping an eye on if the Bucs decide to play him regularly while Walker’s on the shelf.

Andrew McCutchen – 3-for-4 with his 4th HR.  Um, is he going to go and do that thing where he gets insanely hot and hits everything for three weeks straight? I think he might.

A.J. Griffin – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 4 K and his 3rd win. Outside of the 4.0 IP, 7 ER outing in Boston, Alfredo Jetticine has been solid and the Ks are quite nice. A.J.’s out there in over 35% of RCL leagues and he’s worth the start in Cleveland next week.

Jed Lowrie – 3-for-5. Started at second base. I was all-in on the man named Jed in the preseason. “He’ll be this year’s last year’s Josh Reddick! A breakout all-star! Ha-cha-cha!” I shouted, mostly to myself, but also to my cats. That’s a lie. I don’t own any cats. Regardless, as good as he’s been so far, what I really liked about Lowrie is his flexibility and how a team like the A’s would utilize that flexibility. I fully expected Lowrie to play all over the field, and wouldn’t be surprised if he gained 2B  and 3B eligibility over the course of the season. If he can stay healthy and continue to hit well, a player with multiple eligibility like him could become mighty valuable.

Adam Rosales – 2-for-5 with his 1st HR. Like Lowrie, Rosales can play all over the infield. He played shortstop  and led off in this one and responded by hitting his first HR, first at bat, first inning off C.C. Sabathia. With five hits in the past two, Rosey’s worth a look in deeper leagues if you need a middle infielder.

C.C. Sabathia – 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 2 ER, 6 K. As an owner, if he’s throwing 118 pitches a game in May I’d be concerned he won’t be throwing much AT ALL in August and September.

Drew Stubbs – 4-for-5 with a run and a RBI. His third straight multi-hit game, Drew is batting .284 on the season now. What a crazy world we live in.

Jason Kipnis – 2-for-5, 4 RBI. Batting .203 on the season. UGH! /throws up on keyboard. Sorry, I think I had a little Kipnis caught in my throat. Doesn’t Kipnis sound like something they’d sell at a Jewish deli? No? Anyway, JK is batting .269 with a HR and a SB over the past week, and has also chipped in 4 runs and 5 RBI in that span. He’s got five SBs, which is probs why you drafted him. The fantasy value is there, but it’s been a rough start for Kips average-wise.

Mark Reynolds – 1-for-4, 2-run HR, his 9th HR. His second home run in two days, mini donkey has hit safely in his last seven games. Maybe it’s the after effects of the LSD, but I think the Indians might be pretty decent offensively, you guys. Also, why is there an yellow elephant in my living room?

Ryan Raburn – 0-for-5. After going 13-for-22 with 4 HRs in his previous four games I picked him up and started him everywhere Friday night. So yeah, naturally this happened, but don’t let that dissuade you! He’s a hot little potato right now!

Brian Dozier– 3-for-4, 1 run and his 2nd SB. Batted lead off, but that’s really the only positive reason I could give you for a Dozier pick up. He’s a real snoozer, but he could steal you 20 bases.

Craig Kimbrel – 1.0 IP, 1 run, 3 K, BS. Gave up the game tying home run to David Wright. Very un-Kimbrel.

John Buck – 1-for-4 with a 2-run HR, his 10th! WTB! If the season ended today (and it doesn’t), it’s likely that the MVP and Cy Young award winners in the National League would both be on the Mets. Cherish this moment, Queens.

Shelby Miller – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 1 ER, 5 Ks and his 4th win. I believe the best is yet to come for Shelby Miller and have made some substantial offers for him in redraft leagues. I’m buying Miller if I can, even though I prefer Budweiser.

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-3 in his return. Yuniesky Betancourt agreed to return A-Ram’s talent to his magical cleats, at least until he hits the DL again.

Matt Holliday – 2-for-4, 2-run HR, 3 RBI. Carlos Beltran also homered and Allen Craig had three of the Cardinals total 15 hits. I have a new idea for HBO’s “The Franchise” series. St. Louis continues to compete every year despite Kevin Spacey working the politics behind the scenes to keep them from winning. If they miss the playoffs, he can sell the Cardinals for a billion dollars to British investors who want to turn the team into a Cricket club. It’s called House of Cardinals. It’s like Major League with less baseball and more Kevin Spacey just talking to the camera with a bad southern drawl. It’s gonna be a hit!

Felix Doubront – 3.2 IP, 12 hits, 6 ER, 2 K. Doubrouch. What’d you expect? Felix still has 31 Ks in 5 starts which is sweet like very, very chocolatey things. I might start him next week vs. the Twins but I am a whore for the Ks.

Derek Holland – 8.0 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 9 K and his 2nd win. Derek dominated baseball’s number one team. He’s had one bad 6 ER outing at the Angels but he still struck out seven in that one. Holland has been up and down in the past but could be a good source of wins and strikeouts if you’re looking for a solid number three starter to target in trades.

Adrian Beltre – 4-for-5, 3 RBI. The Rangers seemed to be due for a break out, while the Red Sox were in line for some regression of their own. That’s why we have Friday night baseball in Arlington! Ian Kinsler and Mitch Moreland had three hits apiece as the Rangers totaled 18 hits and Nelson Cruz‘d past the Red Sox.

Bud Norris – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 7 K versus the fearsome Tigers. Norris had this one in the bag until Jose Veras blew the save, giving up a 2-run HR to Alex Avila. VERAAAAAAS! This bud was not for you. Jose Valverde captured his 3rd save.

Nolan Arenado – 3-for-5 and a RBI. Another one of Grey’s BUYs. Welcome to Coors, Rook. Where all your dreams travel farther because the air is thinner due to the altitude.

Josh Rutledge – 2-for-5 with his 4th HR. The Enigma that is Josh Rutledge continues to prove his fantasy baseball value despite all the pundits clamoring that he isn’t any good. Rutty’s got 21 runs, that’s fantasy gold! My only problem is he has zero trade value in most non-Razzball leagues because of all the haters. Haters gonna hate, so just continue to ride Rutledge into the ground.

Dexter Fowler– 1-for-1 before leaving the game with a hip flexor injury. He’s day-to-day but should play Saturday.  Enter: Eric Young Jr., Razzball favorite and second generation Eric Young, replaced him and went 0-for-3 with 3 K. Womp womp. Still, EYJ’s speed combined with everyday playing time could spell speedy spoils for the victor. He’s available in over half of RCL leagues, which means pretty much everywhere else. Grey told you to BUY him, so quit spending your dollars on useless pokeeman cards and the farmvillas and go buy an Eric Young Jr. or two.

Jason Vargas – 9.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 BB, 3 K. The complete game shutout was Vargas’ first win of the season, and what a win it was! Jason gets the Lastros next week and with just 20% ownership, now is as good as any a time to grab Vargas.

Jedd Gyorko – 3-for-4, 1 run. The Gyorko store called. They have a surplus of over hyped Jedd’s from the preseason on sale and now the prices seem just right! Six hits in his past four games with a HR, I think the rookie has a nice month of May.

Yonder Alonso – 2-for-4 with a 2-run HR. What light through Yonder’s home run breaks that window. For real, it was Old Man McMurphy’s window, and he is not happy.

Huston Street – 1.0 IP, 1 ER. The four-run lead strikes down a poor closer again! Huston entered with that four run lead but surrendered a 3-run HR to Gerardo Parra before escaping with his 7th save. Street gave up just four home runs all of 2012 so the fact that he’s surrendered two so far is a little disconcerting. Let’s chalk this one up to the closer-in-non-save situation. (Edit: Since he recorded the save, I guess it was a save situation. Street should get a long leash regardless.)

Buster Posey – 2-for-3, HR, 2 RBI. Buster was responsible for both of the Giants runs in this one and capped the game off hitting his first walk off homer. It was a special moment. You really shoulda been there.

Matt Kemp – 2-for-5 as he’s quietly raised that batting average up to .267. Nice work, MK. Now just hit 25 HRs, steal 20 bases and you’ll be right around your ADP.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4 with 3 RBI and his 4th HR. Oooh, he makes me wanna–TROUT! Throw my hands up and SHOUT! Hey hey hey hey! TROUT! I want to own him everywhere again. I’m having flashbacks to 2012. Charlie!? Is that you? Bobby Valentine!? Nooo! Do you copy? Red team go! Anyway, I think I might be his son. I know I’m a bit older but I feel like he could teach me so much and the mental connection is clearly there. You hear that Mike, you have a son now. Want to have a catch?

Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!