One week down, 25 to go. Yep, that’s right. There’s 96% of the season left. Well, that’s a tremendous fact for some teams in RCL2 and a sobering one for others. We visited with a couple of owners* for the week one recap.
SC: First stop is with RCL2’s fourth-place squad Peavy On The Radio. Is that a TV On The Radio reference? Have they yet returned from Cookie Mountain? What I do know for sure is that they haven’t put an album out since 2008. Speaking of useless for a couple of years, I see the Vernon Wells is leading the league in every offensive statistic. How do you feel about Vernon going forward?
POTR: Well, to be honest, we drafted Vernon for exactly this reason. Given his current pace, empirical data suggests that he’ll hit somewhere between 125 and 132 HRs, which is exactly the hole we were looking to fill. We’re confident that Pujols is good for 50, and we were really out shopping the draft for a complementary power guy. That’s Vernon.
SC: Peavy On The Radio? You don’t even own Jake Peavy. Is it good form to have your team name be a play on a player that you don’t roster? Follow up question, how do you feel about rostering a pair of Astros that combined to go 5-for-44 this week (.113)?
POTR: Well, the name clearly coincides with the last time that TOtR was relevant on the music scene, which fits perfectly with Jake whether I own him or not. Much like Vernon, we expect that Carlos Lee’s career is largely finished and Hunter Pence is due for a disaster season. Shouldn’t a guy with a name like Hunter Pence be playing lacrosse or hockey anyway?
SC: Mike Gonzalez, Trevor Hoffman, and Carlos Zambrano all on the same team? Is that a punt ERA and WHIP strategy in play?
POTR: We were hit hard this week in the pitching categories. After all, who could ever expect that only drafting closers after the 15th round could cause someone to roll up and take a dump on our ratios? Good thing we spent that high draft pick on Johan to calm things down.
SC: Thanks. Good luck this season.
SC: Next we visit with the Shoguns of Harlem. It’s a real pleasure to sit down with da man, da legend, da mastah –
SOH: -- Now, when I say, "Who's da mastah?" you say, "Sho'nuff!"
SC: You’re in first place after the first week. Would it be a surprise to say you saw this coming?
SOH: Am I the meanest? (Sho’nuff!) Am I the prettiest? (Sho’nuff!) Am I the baddest mofo low down ‘round this town? (Sho’nuff!) Well, who am I? (Sho’nuff!)
SC: I once heard an advertisement asking me to direct-a my feets-a to Daddy Green’s Pizza. How do you feel about the direction of the Shoguns?
SOH: Kiss my Converse! Maggio Ordonez is headed for a huge season. See, sucka, he and I done found the Fountain of Youth.
SC: I heard that Grey Albright is the Bruce Leroy of fantasy baseballers. Are you concerning about his advice toppling your reign?
SOH: I ain’t scared of dat limp wimp. I know he says that your bench should consist of pitching, so I fill it with offense. I know that he says that Chone Figgins is a recipe for sixth place, but he’s my corner infidel. 60% of my outfield is comprised of Rajai Davis, Ryan Ludwick, and Magglio. Most fools think they aren’t ownable. Who is the one and only master?
*No actual interviews were conducted.