The Hand: Actually, the ex glossary term made me think of this. It is someone you can always go back to, and you know what you are going to get -- just like your hand (unless you are Jim Abbott).

Ha, this is pretty good. We'll need a Rudy okay. He's on vacay, should be back soon.

"The Finger" - when a player gives you an unexpected extra... good or bad...

I think The Hand is ok but it could use more pathos. The players you keep grabbing from waivers aren't really good. You're settling. It's just easier b/c you're more familiar with this player vs. the others. Still kind of shameful that you have to resort to it though...

Hard to feel shameful about the Hand unless you're Catholic...

How 'bouts one of these...
Old Faithful - player you feel comfortable going back to. you hope they'll erupt but usually they're just a hole in your lineup.

Boomerang - you keep thinking you're done with them but an injury hits and they return)?

Going Back to the Well - a player you pick up and drop several times who does progressively worse each time until the last time they're all
dry

Need pathos and need to feel shame -- Old Faithful, Boomerang or The Well do this? Boomerang causes shame in Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, but other than that... These are easier than The Hand.

What about a Dutch Wive? Google it if you don't know what it means, but results may be NSFW.

Or a Stigmata.

Or the Hennifer Lopez (I had to spell it with an H you see, b/c that's the phonetic pronunciation, which helps you get the joke.) It's when someone else seemingly takes over your head(hand) and makes crazy waiver wire pick ups/drops and taco flavored kisses.

Taco-flavored kisses is an inspired description, but H-Lo feels dated. Could we not work in a Michael Jackson reference?

Michael Jackson Slumber Party = The one guys team in your league that drafts all the hot young prospects and languishes all year near the bottom of the pack in shame.

Um....