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It’s very rare that a player of Big Papi’s caliber falls into this bad of a slump. Maybe burying that David Ortiz jersey had an adverse effect? Let’s look at some things we know. Ortiz bats third in arguably the best lineup in baseball. He pats his hands together before every pitch like he’s making arepas. He still knows how to take a walk. What we don’t know? His actual age. He’s supposedly 33 years old, but he’s Latin so I’d say he’s anywhere from 35 to 47 (which makes him anywhere from two to twelve years older than Pujols). For the purposes of this, we’re going to assume last year was a harbinger of things to come — that Papi’s best years are behind him. Let’s look at last year, he hit 116/35/117/.332. If that’s a sign of trouble, then I’d like to fill up my team with guys whose jerseys are buried under Yankee Stadium. But, wait, could his knee be bothering him? Sure, but it was bothering him last year and look again at those numbers. So he’s in the worst slump of his career, he’s hobbling around Fenway like a drunk Bea Arthur, yet I’m telling you this is the absolute best time to buy David Ortiz. That’s right, trade for Ortiz — steal him away from your opponents because his stock won’t be low for long. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Evan Longoria – He looks really solid. I still don’t think you should sell your dead nana’s jewelry to acquire him.  Remember Braun’s ’07 was the exception not the rule. Longoria hit a fastball in the seats. Off speed pitches are usually the bump in the rookie ride.

Nick Markakis – He has four steals already. If he gets to 30 homers (which he should eventually), you’re gonna wish you had him.

Carlos Gomez – In your box score it shows a K in the first inning. He struckout trying to bunt with two strikes. You’re thinking, “Well, that shows how committed he was to moving the guy over.” Dude, he was leading off the game! I really don’t think you want CarGo on your team right now. He doesn’t know what’s coming or going with pitch selection.

Alexis Rios – Sweet stroke meet Sherrill’s fastball.

Pat Neshek – I love middle men, there I said it. But when they’re struggling — ugh. I dropped Neshek for Dotel in one league I had him.

Zach Greinke – He should’ve got out of the third without giving up any runs. Did he crawl into a ball and start weeping? No. He handled it very well. He’s passed the mental health check so far. Unfortunately, he’s not striking out men like he should be. Am I worried? His ERA went up after giving up only one run in 9 innings. Of course, I’m not worried.

Adam Jones – He looked really solid. I still wouldn’t touch him.

Rafael Betancourt – It’s got to be a matter of time. Borowski cannot get people out. How long can the Indians let a guy who you wouldn’t trust in the seventh inning keep getting the ball in the ninth? I don’t think very long. If you have Borowski without Betancourt on your team, I would try and get Betancourt in a trade quick-fast.