Logan Morrison was optioned to Triple-A New Orleans. Easy to say he was demoted because of his struggles since the All-Star break, but what fun would that be? He just started to hit again — 4 for his last 11 with a homer and steal. As Fredi Gonzalez and Dan Uggla before him, Logan’s run out of town by the Han-Man. Easily having his worst season, it’s pretty incredible the nerve Hanley has putting his full 5-hour energy drink towards getting rid of Morrison. Billy the Marlin would like to demonstrate the size of Hanley’s cojones. I imagine Logan won’t be down in New Orleans longer than a couple of weeks so don’t do anything rash in deep keeper leagues. Hopefully Morrison doesn’t take a bath in that French-influenced city. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Brian Wilson – Out with a back pain. A back issue sent him to the DL in April, so if this a recurrence it could be trouble with a capital beard. Romo would be the first option out of the bullpen but he has a tender elbow — I always prefer al dente. Next up, Affeldt, who’s voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, but he’s a lefty so the Giants might just go with matchups as they did yesterday turning to Ramon Ramirez aka Ram-Ram.
Brandon Belt – 2-for-4 with two homers as he returned from the minors. Now he’ll be A) Sent down again. B) Played regularly. C) There’s no C.
Ryan Vogelsong – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA now sits at 2.47. This comes after his last start when he was hit hard by the pennant-contending Pirates, who are now 13 games out of 1st.
Doug Fister – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 13 baserunners, 5 Ks. A Twisted Fister got rocked.
Nick Markakis – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer. Sparkakis! I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this was his best game in three years.
Kevin Gregg – 0 IP, 4 ER. Kazaam!
Eric Thames – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in the last three games against Ervin and Haren. Worth giving Thames a look if you’re power starved. Or parved, if you’re into portmanteaus or flattened bread.
Jose Reyes – No timetable for his return, i.e., no ticky; no tocky. The only reason for Reyes to play is to prove to the free agent market that he’s healthy, which is a pretty sizable reason so I imagine he’ll try to get out there for September. Or Boras might put on Dan Aykroyd’s Jamaican costume from Trading Places to play in Reyes’s place.
Freddy Garcia – Scratched from his start after he cut his finger during a kitchen accident. He said he was making his Choochie lunch and the recipe called for fingerling potatoes.
Edwin Jackson – Left yesterday’s start with a hamstring injury. No word yet how long he’ll be out. We’ll wait to see if we get an up or down on the Jackson pollex.
Johnny Giavotella – 1-for-4 with his third steal in the last three games. If you need steals, I’d take him into the smush room.
Dan Uggla – Had his hitting streak snapped. Was this the longest hitting streak ever for someone who started their streak with a sub-.200 average? Where’s Tim Kurkjian’s crack team of voice-cracking interns when you need them?
Tommy Hanson – To the DL with what the Braves are calling “We should’ve listened to Grey last week when he said to place Hanson on the DL.” Hanson will probably return at the beginning of September and have another three weeks of starts in his arm, just in time to break down in the H2H playoffs.
Carlos Guillen – To the DL with a wrist injury. His wrist said, “Oblique, hip, back, hamstring, tonsils… They’ve all taken turns DL’ing us. It was my turn.”
Jason Marquis – Out for the year with a fractured fibula. No lie.
David Hernandez – Got the save yesterday because of an overworked Putz. Hehe.
Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-3, hitting near .450 over the last week. Not sure how long he’ll last on my team, but I just grabbed The Big FraGu in one league.
Jesus Guzman – Out for last two days with an injured elbow. He should be proud that even a minor injury would warrant (RIP) a mention.
Cameron Maybin – 1-for-4 with his 31st steal. Here’s a sneak peek of next year’s February Grey, “Maybin went 10/40, which is better than dozens of outfielders that were taken before him, and the year before Andres Torres and Angel Pagan were similarly valuable only to flame out in 2011. So don’t throw out the outfielder with the bath water, but keep your expectations in check.” And that’s me foreseeing me!
Dontrelle Willis – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K. Left the game with pain in his forearm. Seems a lot more like a pain in the neck.
Jay Bruce – Hit his fifth homer in the last week. Pray to your deity of choice that Bruce stays hot from now until the end of September.
Brandon Allen – 3-for-4, 2 runs and a RBI after being recalled on Saturday. Not sure why he wouldn’t play every day, but I don’t think he will. Instead, he’ll probably share time with CoJack which will hurt both of their values in AL-Only leagues. Though I guess it could be said they were hurting their own values with this shizzy hitting.
Carlos Zambrano – Threw at Chipper on Friday, which got him ejected, then he went into the locker room and retired from baseball. Not sure how this hasn’t happened yet, but Big Z needs to be in the WWE. He can go by the name, The Big Loco. His finishing move can be The Locomotion. His ringside manager Ozzie Guillen distracts the ref and The Big Loco pulls a baseball out of his tights, yells out “Choo-choo… Locomotion!” and skulls his opponents’ head. After he gets the three count, The Big Loco stands up to jeers and flashes his green tongue. The only thing that can stop him is when an opponent brings a Gatorade cooler ringside which totally distracts The Big Loco, throwing him off his game. Or if the opponent shows up ringside with Michael Barrett. Please, WWE, make this happen. On a side sidenote, you know how when a female is in the news for all the wrong reasons, she’ll then get a call from Hustler to pose nude? I imagine it’s like that for men and the WWE. So, if you ever get a call from the WWE or Hustler, I don’t know what you did but it’s ridiculous and not in a good way.
