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Is it call-ups?  Or callups?  Can I get a ruling on this– Wait, someone’s at the door.  August 31st, is that you? Uh… No.  August 30th? Nope.  August 32nd? No, you nitwit!  It’s September 1st!  Yes, it’s time we looked at September call ups (callups? call-ups?).  These are potential September call-ups that will, should, could and potentially make or not make a difference in fantasy baseball.  Today, we’ll look at the hitters, then we’ll look at pitchers in another post.  So tip out some of your malt liquor for the pitchers who aren’t here and take a drag on that Newport, cause Razzball’s alive with pleasure with September call-ups, the hitters.  Anyway, here’s some potential September call ups to keep your eye on for fantasy baseball:

Mike Moustakas – Has a cool name, doesn’t he?  Like he has a legendary gyro recipe and a picture of Ernie Anastos above his bed.  Moustakas should slide right into the Royals lineup (and hurt Betemit’s time) since the Royals need to see how Moustakas does.  Though the peasant Royals are Mr. Bungles, so you never know.  In the minors, he has 28 homers and a .374 OBP.  Favorable leagues, but still.  Keep effing that chicken, Moustakas.

Jesus Montero – It’s cool and all that the Yankee hype machine is fully behind Montero, but he’s 21.  The Yankees are handing catching duties over to him?  A guy with DH skills behind the plate?  Why has Cervelli been catching?  Is Montero going to DH on a team with 4 DHs?  Unless you’re in a league with Rudy Giuliani and you can trade him Montero for Pujols, I’d contain my enthusiasm until I see Montero get a starting job.

Dustin Ackley – If you read regular baseball sites, they drool over Ackley.  I think that’s because he profiles as a much better real baseball player than a fantasy one.  The top reaches of his upside is Dusty P.  But that’s peak, Pammy A on Baywatch, prime upside.  Right now, you’re looking at Ian Desmond with a better average.  It’s good at MI and he should get playing time in September.  Expectations in check, friend.

Desmond Jennings – I feel like I’ve been anxiously anticipating Jennings’ arrival since last winter.  Still not sure where he’s playing, but doode has speed to burn.  Ron Washington, “Someone say speed?”  Oh, Ron.

Freddie Freeman – Has 17 homers and a .370 OBP in the minors this year.  Should be owned already in deep keepers and NL-Only leagues.  The trade for Lee hurts Freddie Freeman’s value in redraft leagues for this year.  Stupid Lee.

Yonder Alonso – Nice bat, but Votto’s is even nicer at first base.  Alonso might platoon in the outfield vs. some righties, but the Reds are playing for a playoff spot, so he’ll need to do something to stay relevant.

Zack Cozart – Zack Amadeus Cozart started playing baseball at the age of 9, he’s now 25 and still in the minors.  Those damn prodigies, candle in the wind and all that jazz.  Has good pop, but he’s also on the Reds and might not see enough PT.

Lars Anderson – His bat seems to take a while each time he gets promoted.  So far in Triple-A, 8 homers and .258 in 357 ABs.  All right, L.A., see you next year.

Brandon Belt – In the minors this year, 19 homers and a .361 average with 20 steals.  Yeah, that’s good.  A little birdie by the name of Stephen said he’s going to be going over him tomorrow so I don’t want to step on any toes, partially because I don’t want to scuff my Doc Martens.  In short, Belt should be grabbed in deep keepers, but, without some serious injuries, he has no place to play this year.

Todd Frazier – The Reds are stacked with alternates.  Frazier could be a super-utility man like Ben Zobrist, but he’s not going to see much time in September either.  Hmm… Guess I could’ve pared down this list.  But Frazier’s from Point (Not So) Pleasant, New Jersey.  Gotta represent.

Wilson Ramos – I could see grabbing him in NL-Only keeper or dynasty leagues so you have a very cheap option next year, but I gotta tell you, I’m pretty whatever on Ramos as of right now.

Jordan Danks – Why didn’t the White Sox draft Jonas Danks too?  Jordan’s not going to help much this year without some injuries and a hot streak.

Mark Trumbo – Not even sure why he’s still in the minors.  Doesn’t Scioscia realize if he promotes Trumbo then he has yet another reason to bench Napoli?

Scott Cousins – Has 20/20 potential over a full season and the Marlins have never been shy about promoting prospects.  I’d keep an eye on Cousins.

Brandon Allen – I’ve already tooted this guy’s horn a bunch of times.  Eiwww… Not like that, random italicized voice.  Mmm-hmm. My concern is if LaRoche isn’t traded then him and Allen may both see time which would hurt both of their values.

Greg Halman – Has 149 Ks in 97 games in the PCL with 29 homers.  Too bad he’s not on the Blue Kays or Diamondhacks.

Jared Goedert – Not sure why the Indians aren’t playing him already.  Goedert has 25 homers this year in the minors and the Indians are playing Jayson Nix.  Oh-kay.

Michael Taylor – I don’t understand this whole ‘Hey, he’s a top prospect, but we’re never promoting him.’  Is this so the A’s can trade him again before the shine wears off?  Beane, “Yeah, he’s going to be great in the majors, but you’ll never know until you trade us a non-athletic 1st baseman for him.”