Yesterday, Matt LaPorta homered in his third straight game. Who needs LeBron when you got LaPorta? BTW, I don’t like basketball because I think a 7 foot tall guy making a basket is as difficult as me throwing away something in a garbage can, but I suggest you check out the LeBron documentary. Was really good. Total puff piece, but I was on the edge of my feeling castle about to emote. Hey, Joel Siegel, I’m carrying on the movie and mustache thing! Maybe LaPorta’s just Pronk II: Hasta LaPorta Baby. Maybe the MLP package is finally on. Maybe he does nothing starting tomorrow. At your corner infidel, I’d take a flyer on LaPorta for the chance you get a cheap 15 homers. If he maintains this pace for 3 months, he’ll have Cleveland fans almost forget they traded CC Pitching Factory for him. Just like Lou Marson and Jason Donald’s play is making them forget about Cliff Lee. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Justin Masterson – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. He must’ve decided it was time to step it up since 3,463 Yahoo teams had dropped him.
Frank Herrmann – Got the save yesterday because he was already warming up. When I saw his last name, it made me think of one of those spray painted, graffiti shirts you and your significant other got when you were fifteen. I wonder if his wife has an Indians jersey with the last name, Mygirl.
Chase Utley – Will have surgery and miss the next 8 weeks. The Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten continues to sweep through the NL East. If you own Utley, you have to DL him and grab a replacement. And cry. You should do that too. Let out your emotions, it’s good for your fantasy soul. Also, he wasn’t hitting well before the hand injury, so expecting him to return in September at the height of his game is assuming a lot. As they said in China in the 1400s, assuming makes an ass out of you and Ming.
Placido Polanco – Crapolanco will miss up to a month with discomfort in his left elbow. Philly fans threw batteries at the doctor who originally said Polanco just needed a cortisone shot.
Jose Reyes – Out of the lineup again yesterday. This time he said he had pain in his side while the Mets maintain the pain’s in his back. I saw the replay when he was injured and he was holding his side. Hopefully it’s still a minor day-to-day thing. Meanwhile, the Mets really should upgrade their doctors.
Carlos Beltran – Could return next week if he can play consecutive nine inning games this weekend. Beltran also makes an appearance in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. You can hardly wait. No, y0u!
Johan Santana – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks as he was outpitched by Livan (7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks). Sure, he was outpitched by only one extra baserunner, but it’s Johan vs. Livan. This should’ve been an Andre vs. two jobbers type mismatch.
Jason Varitek – Out for 4-6 weeks with a broken foot. Or as they say in Boston, “Ya got jammied on the jimmy.” Actually, no one says that. Kevin Cash will take over. Ironically, he is so not money.
Trevor Cahill – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. I seem like the only fantasy baseball ‘pert holding out against Cahill, but I just can’t get behind his K-rate. Sure, he struck out 10 last time out, but it was the Pirates. This start was vs. the Suckie-O’s. If you want to grab him, you do what you do. I would not start him next time out vs. the Yankees.
Travis Wood – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Stephen just went over his Travis Wood fantasy. Stephen said, “drool worthy” “splits” “small sample size” “dramatic” “LOOGY.” Man, I could never work for Zagat’s. Wood’s an okay flyer in NL-Only leagues, I wouldn’t want him to roofie me in mixed leagues.
Josh Bell – This rookie is one Cool Papa! Here’s what Stephen said, “(Bell was) received in the George Sherrill trade last year, Bell is the future third baseman for the Orioles. Meaning, 2010 – just waiting for Miguel Tejada and, or, Garrett Atkins to stumble or get hurt. However, don’t let “future …” get into your head. His upside is .270 to .290 with 20 to 25 homers a season. Think Adrian Beltre, but without the glove…” And that’s me quoting Stephen! That’s pretty right on; I’ll add that he’s young and could stumble this year. I wouldn’t look at him yet outside of AL-Only and keeper leagues.
Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. He looked solid at times and “not so much” at other times. You know, rookie stuff. In home starts vs. lefty heavy lineups, I’d give him a shot in mixed leagues. Otherwise, I’d stick to NL-Only and keeper leagues with him for now.
Buster Posey – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer. He’s young and exciting! Bengie Molina’s fat and boring! Yeah, and Molina will probably have better numbers than Posey this year. Cust kayin’.
Dexter Fowler – 3-for-5 and 2 steals. Booyakasha! When I say, Dexter, you say Fowler! Dexter… What? Too soon? All right, but it was a nice game and love that Tracy hit him leadoff the past three games.
Carlos Gonzalez – Yesterday, someone in our fantasy baseball forums noticed something I’ve been meaning to say about CarGo. He always seems to hit a homer and steal a base in the same game. It’s almost like he wants to get to 20/20 in the same game.
David Aardsma – 1 IP, 2 ER, Kazaam! Here’s why I think Aardsma was inexplicably brought into a tie game in the 8th inning. The M’s are in last place on the verge of sweeping the Yankees and Wakamatsu thought if they get the sweep the M’s may not sell off their team and fire him. In other news, Cliff Lee thinks he’ll be traded by early next week.
Cliff Lee – If I may dream for a moment, imagine him in Metco. Mmm… The Adverb. BTW, picture you’re a Mariners fan who was in a coma since March and you just heard the Cliff Lee rumors. You’d be like, “Trade Lee? Are you crazy? We got him, Milton Bradley and Figgy! We’re going all the way!” Um, yeah. Listen, Comatose Mariners fan, you may want to sit down.
