I remember a time, back in 2005, where the world was such a lovely place. The Atlanta Braves won another NL East title and were on their way through the playoffs. They overcame injuries and won despite starting 18 rookies during the season. The "Baby Braves", as they were dubbed, were accomplishing unthinkable things for a team so young. They were going to be the young core that captured another dozen + straight divisional titles. How could they not!? With such a young team, they could only get better... They were up 6-1 in an important game 6 against the Houston Astros, ready to defeat them, go on to the NLCS, and ultimately win the first of several World Series in a dynasty that would be comparable to that of the Yankees.
That is, until Kyle Farnsworthnothing came into the picture.
It was the 8th inning. Tim Hudson had pitched well, but had allowed two runners to get on base without recording an out, so he was removed from the game with a 6-1 lead. Kyle Farnsworthnothing was the closer, but in such an important game, we wanted out "best" (HA!) reliever out there to get the job done. We had to stop those two runners from coming home, and especially had to prevent MORE from coming home. Well, we didn't.
Farnsworthnothing allowed the two inherited runners to score. Just to even things out, he gave up two more runs that inning, making it 6-5. OK, a one run lead... Surely he can come in next inning and just close the game out, right? We can still win this, right? Surely!!
The 9th inning came... Farnsworthnothing quickly recorded two outs. YES! This game is going to be salvaged!! Now Brad Ausmus is up. He sucks so bad. This game is in the ba... WHAT!?!? A HOME RUN!?!? AUSMUS!?!? REALLY!?!? AAAAHHHHGGGG!!!
Nine innings later the tie was broken by a Chris Burke home run. The Braves have not won the NL East since then. You might blame a weak offense and lack of production from proven stars gone south whose last name are Jones, but we all know who the real culprit is. You're not fooling anyone, Kyle Farnsworthnothing. You're not a closer, you're a franchise destroyer!!
Regression? He's only just getting started...
12 Team H2H, 4 unrestricted keepers
C - Mike Napoli
1B - Eric Hosmer
2B - Jedd Gyorko
3B - Todd Frazier
SS - Jhonny Peralta
OF - Ryan Braun
OF - Mike Trout
OF - Shin-Soo Choo
UTL - Brett Lawrie
UTL - Adam LaRoche
Bench - Austin Jackson
DL - Aaron Hill Hanley Ramirez
SP - Clayton Kershaw, Madison Bumgarner, Ubaldo Jimenez, Jhoulys Chacin, Ervin Santana
RP - Glen Perkins, Heath Bell, Jose Veras, Ernesto Fireri, Edward Mujica, Carlos Marmol, J.J. Putz
RCL - Cracking the WHIP - Admiral Trey
C - Yadier Molina
1B - Albert Pujols
2B - Jose Altuve
3B - Jedd Gyorko
SS - Jimmy Rollins
MI - Everth Cabrera
CI - Justin Morneau
OF - Jason Heyward, Shin-Soo Choo, Michael Morse, Nick Swisher, Ben Revere
UTL - Kendrys Morales
Bench - Garrett Jones, David Freese
SP - Justin Verlander, Cliff Lee, Ryan Dempster, Ubaldo Jimenez
RP - Jonathan Papelbon, John Axford, Glen Perkins, Ryan Cook, David Robertson