Yesterday, Wilmer Flores went 3-for-4, 2 runs, 6 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homers. With David Wright hurt, Flores has been playing every day. The Mets are thankfully still able to get Ruben Tejada into their lineup. The Mets said, “We’ve wanted to drop Tejada, send down Tejada or trade Tejada for a nickel on a dollar, but since we can’t figure out the paperwork, we’re playing him every day for the last three years.” No Met in particular said that; all of them did. Why do I care about Flores playing? In Triple-A in 2013, he hit 15 homers and .321 in 107 games. That was when he was 22 years old. Maybe he’s not God’s answer to Bac-Os and able to make every game better, but I bet he could’ve been as good as David Wright this year. The reason why baseball people and the media doesn’t like Wilmer is he fields like he has a golden glove. Not that he won a golden glove. Like he’s literally trying to catch grounders with a metal statue. If he gets a job out of spring training in fifteen after twenty, this won’t be the last time you hear me try to convince people Wilmer Flores isn’t bad. For now, he’s only viable in very deep leagues as we watch Flores’s stock bloom. Flores’s stock bloom! Flores’s stock bloom! Springtime for Wilmer, and the Mets… (BTW, when did this site become so pro-Mets? I feel dirty. Though, that could be because I haven’t showered since March.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Bartolo Colon – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 12 baserunners, 7 Ks. Colon served up a single run on 11 singles and 1 double. Ironically, that’s what McDonald’s serves to him when he makes a cheeseburger run.
Curtis Granderson – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI. The Daily News’s headline today, “Colon, Curtisy in Flushing, Smells of Flores.”
Giancarlo Stanton – Marlins haven’t ruled him out for the season. That’s great news! Not because he will return. He won’t. But the fact that he’s even discussing returning means he will be fine for spring training. I’m just gonna draw him a bath and wave the water to make extra bubbles until he gets here.
Donovan Solano – 3-for-5 was hitting .160 in the last week coming into this game. Season of the Pitch, not Donovan’s best song.
Nathan Eovaldi – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Rachel Ray would spell that, EOVA-GADZOOKS!
Martin Prado – Out for the year with an emergency appendectomy. Performing the operation was Jeter. Or the 2urgery.
Masahiro Tanaka – Set to return on Sunday. Well, I should say he’s set to realize on Sunday that he needs Tommy John surgery.
Mark Teixeira – Sat out yesterday with wrist discomfort. Luckily, he’s only owed another $50 million. Whew, bullet dodged! Now, to give Jon Lester $700 million over twelve years.
Michael Pineda – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 2.15. The Stream-o-Nator doesn’t love his next start and I can be persuaded either way on it. Why are you removing your pants? No, I don’t want to be persuaded like that!
Nick Franklin – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was officially called up. I went over him the other day, there I said, “In Single-A in 2010, he had 23 homers and 25 steals. At that point, I could see his angel wings. He’d flutter above my bed and whisper, “Grey, I’m a middle infielder with 20 homer power and 20 steal speed.” Then a hologram of a large man in a tight-white guinea tee would enter, announce himself as the Ghost of Future Scouts, and say Franklin’s K-rate is out of control, he won’t hit above .220. Luckily, I don’t listen to holograms! Sorry, Tupac Hologram. Every stop along the way, Franklin has struggled to hit for a decent average. I’ll like him next year for his power/speed combo, but he means nothing for this year in redraft leagues.” And that’s me quoting me!
Jake Odorizzi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA down to 3.98. Gonna be real hard to be completely bullish on Odorizzi next year with his home/away splits. His away ERA: 6.06. ODORizzi. His home ERA: 2.61. It’s so-damn-easy.
Drew Hutchison – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you feel like a mental patient hoping your effin’ starter doesn’t explode all over your ratios.
Steve Pearce – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. Pearce and J.D. Martinez should work on a well-choreographed, 16-part handshake for the day their winter arbitration comes up. Oh, and yes, you should own Pearce. Of course.
Jimmy Paredes – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. After he hit the homer, wives of Orioles fans were concerned about their husbands when they started marching around the house singing, “I love a Paredes.”
Joey Votto – Took batting practice and hopes to return for a few games. Watch out, he’s got a walk to take!
Mat Latos – Played catch yesterday and hasn’t ruled out returning this season. The truth is, he’s not returning this season, but if he says that he’s gonna have to hang out with his wife, and drive her on errands and shizz. You’re obvious, Latos, and I see your ploy.
Johnny Cueto – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER. Hard for me to get that upset your Cueto’s ERA went all the way up to 2.33. Sometimes you get the raspberry creme, sometimes you get the hard-as-a-rock nougat that chips your tooth.
Anthony Rizzo – Sat out yesterday. This was what I was afraid of with him in weekly leagues. It’s fine in daily leagues where you can platoon him, but right now I’m getting the golden goose egg in my weekly league where I need all the stats I can get.
Arismendy Alcantara – Sat out yesterday with minor wrist soreness, i.e., his wrist-is-on-the-mendy.
Jake Arrieta – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (1 Hit), 13 Ks. Maybe should’ve been the lede today, but he’s had too many ledes. I don’t want him to get a big head like Bruce Bochy! Arrieta’s season numbers are ridunk. More ridunk if you remove one terrible game in Coors when you should’ve benched him anyway. He’s not even a product of good luck with BABIP or LOB% or any other made-up nerd acronym. His K-rate and walk rate tell me he’s an ace. Whether he gets drafted in the top 20 starters, I’m not sure, but I’m all-in on him and wish I had him on a keeper team or two.
Jorge Soler – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. By the by, he’s hitting .373. When Puig rolls his ass out of the 2nd round next year, someone’s gotta replace him. No, that would be slightly premature, but Soler will be ranked aggressively by yours truly.
George Springer – Done for the season. Astros beat writer tweeted out, “Astros made decision in conjunction with trainers and Springer with hopes of him playing 162 games next year.” This isn’t on the beat writer, he’s just passing along info, but how much money would you bet he doesn’t play 162 games next year? Your life savings? Yes, all twelve-hundred dollars. Would you take out a second mortgage just to bet he doesn’t play 162 games? This is such an obvious announcement by a team that reads to me as, “We think our fans are stupid and we just want them to buy tickets next year.” No one plays 162 games. Even guys that are healthy. I know it’s semantics, but why not just say, “We shut him down hoping he can stay healthier next year.” Why does this bother me so much? I need a Quaalude.
Nick Tropeano – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2,70. I figured my Nick Tropeano fantasy last week was going to be met with a round of yawnplause. It’s a’ight, there’s always next year to try to get you to take your medicine.
Yan Gomes – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Not bad for 700 ABs.
Corey Kluber – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA down to 2.54. Kluber, Darvish or Wainwright for 2015? Is it close? I don’t think so. I could actually remove that question mark and just say Kluber, Darvish, Wainwright, in that order.
Charlie Morton – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Poor Sawx. With Ortiz out of the lineup for a family emergency, the Sawx looked like a man with no torso. Stream-o-Nator likes Morton’s next start, and I could see streaming him there.
Russell Martin – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .297. I know he’s about as glamorous as a birth mark shaped like Florida, but he’s hitting near-.450 in the last week with 2 homers. Hot schmotato!
Starling Marte – 2-for-4, and his 12th homer. Morton, Martin, Marte… Maronna mia! Pirates, you’re wearing out my keyboard!
Mike Zunino – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .198, and has 20 homers on the year. If he hits .250 next year, he’s going to be a top five catcher. Remember, ability to ignore average is my forte.
Ryan Zimmerman – Played a simulated game. Was he running on an underwater treadmill while a TV balanced on a turtle floated in front of him playing his Xbox simulated game? Cause I’d like to make a big wave in that pool.
Tanner Roark – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA down to 2.85. You know what’s nice? Being on the other side of the Braves offensive ineptitude.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. This comes while Desmond Tutu visits Zambia to say child marriages must end and Jerry Lee Lewis married a child and a movie about him starred Dennis Quaid and his brother is crazy and I’m crazy for Ian Desmond. Connect the dots, it’s all there.
Alexi Amarista – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. How did the Padres explode for runs, you ask with that sweet little punim. Because I streamed A.J. Burnett. Retire, Tattoey!
Domonic Brown – 1-for-4 and a slam (10) and legs (7). How about a rebound for 2015, Tehol?!
Shin-Soo Choo – Headed for ankle surgery that will need 8 weeks to recover from. Comatose Rangers Fan, “Good thing we got Prince Fielder and Rios! Right? Will someone say something?”
Alex Rios – Rangers are unsure if Rios will return this year. I’ll do them one better, I’m unsure if he was there all year.
Rougned Odor – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 3rd steal. Odor is three for ten in steal attempts. He turns every catcher into deodorant.
Leonys Martin – 2-for-5 and his 28th steal. Thank God, Ron Washington stopped trying to sniff the foul lines and moved on, so Martin can play every day.
Scott Kazmir – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER. I liked Kazmir better when he was great for two-thirds of a season then got injured.
Brandon Moss – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 25th homer. Now has two straight games with a homer after going, like, 2-for-140 in the last six weeks. Could be the start of something if he was dropped in your league.
Norichika Aoki – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 16th steal. Okay, Monday’s four-hit night was a bit empty, but back-to-back four-hit nights deserves a pick up. Hot schmotato alert!
Adam Eaton – 4-for-5, 2 runs. Eaton-Aoki sounds like the beginning of a note home to your parents while you’re at summer camp, but they are both smoking hot right now.
Zach Putnam – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 5th save. Jake Petricka was throwing in the bullpen when Putnam was closing the game, because Robin Ventura would love to see the Royals in the playoffs. “I got $50 that says Liam Hendriks beats Kershaw in Game 1 of the World Series!” That’s Ventura, unaware he’s not supposed to bet on baseball. I could see grabbing Putnam if you’re desperate, or dropping Petricka if you have no need for saves, but it’s not completely clear who would get next save opportunity for the White Sox.
Nolan Arenado – Will miss at least a few days with pneumonia. Terrific. If I could locate that love letter I put in a bottle into the Colorado River, I would remove one of the XOs.
Corey Dickerson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 23rd homer. He would’ve been a 30/15 guy if Walt Weiss didn’t think of him as a 4th outfielder for a month of the season. Serious question, how is it possible that a major league manager can’t see the potential but a stunod like me can? By the by, stunod is a dyslexic’s favorite word.
Drew Stubbs – 1-for-2, 3 runs. How valuable is it to play in Coors? Stubbs was only good in Coors all year and is flirting with being a top 40 outfielder on our Player Rater.
Yasiel Puig – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Look what the Puig dragged in! Hey, Puig, you can put lipstick on your home run total in the last ten days, but we know the truth.
Scott Van Slyke – 2-for-3, 1 run. J-FOH brought up a good point in this week’s Creeper post. The Dodgers get a handful of lefties this week, and Van Slyke could see an uptick for deep leagues. Or not… Slyke! No, no psych! I reverse that psych.
Roenis Elias – 3 IP, 2 ER, but left with a stiff elbow. That’s actually called al dente.
J.D. Martinez – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .313. Now tied with Miggy for homers and only .001 behind in average. We got ourselves a race!
Rick Porcello – 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.19. He dedicated this game to our fantasy basketball writer, JB. Speaking of which (worst segue ever!), go join one of our fantasy basketball leagues. Or start one. Or sky hook your iPhone into your coffee. (I think we know there’s only three options and the first two are much better than the third.)
Joe Nathan – 2/3 IP, 2 ER and his 7th blown save. Also in this game Glen Perkins blew his 7th save (1 IP, 3 ER). This wasn’t the first time a Perkins and a Nathan’s gave someone indigestion and won’t be the last. Together, they’re like a pancake wrapped hot dog. Wait, that sounds delicious. They are nothing like that. For Nathan, I’d grab and hold Joakim Soria. It’s doubtful Ausmus will suddenly wisen up after being obliviously stupid for this long, but you never know. For Glen Perkins and the Glen Perkins Band, I’d grab the bassoon player, Jared Burton, but it could as be the keyboardist, Casey Fien.
Oswaldo Arcia – Out yesterday after tweaking a muscle on a swing-and-miss on Monday. Arcia later!
Kennys Vargas – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer, as the Kennys fell a double short of the cycle. His triple was a bizarre play. The Tigers tried to throw to 2nd to get a lagging Kenny as the other two Kennys got into third, and since majority rules, they awarded him a triple.
Danny Santana – 2-for-4 and his 17th steal, and 2nd steal in the last two games. You think he’s going to reveal his name is really Dannys Antana?
Michael Morse – Should be ready to return from his strained oblique on Friday. Morse said, “I feel good, ready to get back in there. If you want me to beep, dot and slash because my name is Morse, then fat chance. Sorry, Sandoval.”
Jake Peavy – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, 2.16 ERA on the Giants. Peavy in the NL West is Doc Ellis on LSD.
Josh Collmenter – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. Never trust a pitcher with a K sound that is spelled with a C. I learned that my first year at the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston.
Wily Peralta – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. At this point, it’s all about his next start, and the Stream-o-Nator doesn’t like it, so I’d lose him in most mixed leagues where there’s better options. I.e., Free Wily.
Gerardo Parra – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer. He’s been a nice hot schmotato going on more than a week now. He’s also Exhibit A why I don’t like H2H leagues. You got Ryan Braun, Miggy, Bautista and Todd Frazier, and you’re losing to a team with Parra and Dannys Antana.
Trevor Rosenthal – 1 IP, 1 ER and his 6th blown save. Mean’s while, Pat Neshek gets his 25th hold with a 1.41 ERA. You’d think it was really difficult to manage a baseball team. Buzz Bissinger should do a minutiae Cardinals book about this season. “Matheny considered changing his closer, then a pigeon landed on his windowsill and he started a conversation with it for three hours, nearly missing the start of the game.”
Lance Lynn – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 2.68. Everyone favorite game, How Deep Is Pitching?! Not only had I picked Lynn up around midseason, but I dropped him about two or three starts later, and I still have a 3.088 ERA!
Matt Adams – 0-for-4, 1 RBI as he returned to the lineup after dealing with a sore oblique. The carpenter who was called in to reenforce the Cards bench said, “You still have to pay me.”
John Lackey – Threw a bullpen session and should start on Friday. He had his last start skipped due to a dead arm. Never held back Bob Dole.
