I picked up Doug Fister in every league I could. So, that’s out of the way. I won’t start him the next time out though and I’m not sure I’ll start him ever. I may just drop him if I never get a good matchup at home. At home’s key. That’s the only place I’d start him. Last night, his 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks performance is his peak. He pitches to contact and doesn’t K anyone. He’s similar to Joel Pineiro. Call him Jo-eh. If you were the firster to get him off waivers, chuck him into a package trade for someone much more reliable or exciting. His appeal is limited. So, yes, I grabbed him to chuck him. My apologies, Mister Fister. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Hit his 2nd homer in as many days. Going mono y mano with Soriole, Bradley Bergesen.
Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu left the game in the 7th with tightness in his groin. Ugh-arf! That’s FraGu backwards (almost).
Conor Jackson – To the DL with a hamstring. This is probably the best thing to happen to his owners all year. If you’re struggling to find room for him on the DL, I’ll save you the time. Drop him in most mixed leagues.
Kelly Johnson – 1-for-4, but Conor Jackson’s hamfret pushes Johnson into the leadoff role. I like me some Johnson! Not like that. C’mon, that’s juvenile.
Gerardo Parra – 1-for-3, and now has a starting job because Conor Jackson’s injury is paying it forward. Parra has little value outside of NL-Only leagues. There, he’ll give you very little power and little speed.
Ty Wigginton – I mentioned grabbing him yesterday when he had four homers in the last week. Today, he has 5.
David Eckstein – He hit a walk-off HR for San Diego. When pressed for comment, Eckstein said it was his biggest hit since knocking out Soda Popinski.
Clayton Richard – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s not really bad on Ks and he will have an under-4 ERA at home this year.
Brian Fuentes – Scheduled to return from the DL on Wednesday. He should get the closer role right back. At least I hope so since I own this doode.
John Lackey – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER. A’la Superintendent Chalmers, “Lack-eee!” Honestly, this might have been Lackey’s alter ego pitching, Lon Jackey. He pitches like he’s in a horror film.
Mike Cameron – Could miss a few games because he’s got some stones below the belt in the literal instead of colloquial sense.
Jacoby Ellsbury – May end up D’ellsburied after all. The Sawx played Bill Hall in center yesterday. How’s that for depth?
Jeremy Hermida – HR yesterday. Hermida couldn’t get to a ball he should’ve, which started the scoring on Lackey. Hermida is a poor-man’s Trot Nixon. Call him Mosey Agnew.
Brad Penny – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s actually been one of my best pitchers so far. Scary, yet true.
Aaron Rowand – Reports are good that Rowand won’t need surgery on his face. Too bad Willie McGee never received the same good news.
Juan Uribe – Has two homers in the last two games. He’s one of the streakiest hitters. Bet he hits at least two more homers this week.
Dontrelle Willis – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. He seems like a good guy. I wish him the best. I wouldn’t touch him.
Felix Pie – Will miss up to three months with latissimus dorsi muscle injury. I thought only dolphins had dorsi muscles. Anyone ever see Felix Pie flinch around a can of tuna? Eh, guess it’s not important. I imagine Reimold’s still nursing his Achilles’ because he’s pulling a Kotchman with that thing, but he’s got one less schmohawk to deal with for playing time and he has been hitting cleanup.
Kelly Shoppach – Out for 4-6 weeks with knee surgery. I had knee surgery once and I wasn’t able to catch for almost two months later. Actually, that’s a complete lie, but my English Comp teacher once told me to personalize.
Brandon Morrow – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Royals. Now they should make him a closer! I keed. Morrow should be capable of more performances like this one, but he gets the Rays next and I’m officially more worried about the Rays’ offense than the Sawx’s.
Mike McCoy – 3-for-4, 2 steals. Hill’s due back soon which will push McCoy to, well, wherever McCoys go when they’re not playing. In the meantime, McCoy stole 40 bases in Triple-A. As they say at Razzball, SAGNOF!
Travis Snider – 2-for-5 as he hit his 2nd homer in four games. I think he might be a year away still, but he could be coming around; don’t sleep on him if he’s out there.
Cliff Lee – Will throw a simulated game on Tuesday. They should use a Wii for that.
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and a million New Yawkers thinking this Davis has an idear up der at bat. If you scroll down, you’ll see a post about him. Want more, greedy? Okay. The Mets announcers (I heart Keith Hernandez) were comparing Davis to John Olerud. Davis was wearing a batting helmet at the time, but they meant it about his hitting. Also, they meant it as a compliment, but I took it as insult. 20 homers and a good average? I’m hoping he develops more power than that. Either way, you should own Davis for the chance at a breakout.
Jose Reyes – Wanted the day off because of fatigue. It’s fair after playing three plus games in two days. Then he got in the game late and continued to do nothing. We need to remain calm. He had no time to ramp up to the season. The thyroid shorted him his Spring Training. I’m not worried. If Reyes gets hot, he could carry you for a month.
Craig Stammen – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. That Stammen is a real pistil! What, flower jokes ain’t your thing? Whatever. Oh, and Stammen’s a terrible pitcher, nothing’s changed.
Kevin Mench – The Nationals gave him a minor league deal and he’s hitting so far. If the Nats call him up, I’m booking tickets for Kevin Mench Fathead Poster day when the first 10,000 guests get life-sized posters of Kevin Mench’s head that one can affix to their wall like a giant tapestry or fresco.
Scott Podsednik – Left the team for a family emergency. The emergency: give his hot wife a royal f***in’ vs. playing for the f***in’ Royals.
