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Rod Stewart knows how to pick venues. Masterful choice.

Hey now, somebody likes someone, or so says Marc Topkin, who, by-the-way, sounds like a X-Wing pilot. He has reported that there is mutual interest between Delmon Young and the Tampa Bay Rays. Ooo-la-la. They should get a room to rekindle the fire that once burned. Hopefully not in Tampa, because I’ve been there. It has bridges and old people. That’s… about… it. However, there are two things that I can say about this that are rock solid facts. First, Delmon Young is most certainly hanging out on your waiver wire. Maybe throwing bats at people. As pictured above, hopefully one of those people is Luke Scott. And second, he’s supposedly heading back to a team that utilizes match-ups correctly, and, most certainly, would utilize him correctly. Like if there’s a bat throwing contest. Now, forget everything you know about Young. I mean, don’t forget *that* much. He’s still kinda stinky, in, you know, a hobo sort-of-way. And if you’re wondering, there’s really no downside here, since hobo’s don’t own computers. I think. But if you’re actually wondering about why I’m talking about Delmon Young, it’s not because he’s hit .266/.300/.402 since 2011 and .261/.302/.397 so far this year. It’s because he’s hit .286/.361/.397 against lefties in 80 games. Which brings me back to the second point. Tampa Bay will play the match-ups here, and perhaps you should too. Who knows, he could get on fire, do some damage, and help your team for the stretch run. Or, you know, throw bats at people. Here’s what else I noticed yesterday…

Oswaldo Arcia — Sat out yesterday’s game with a sore wrist. But nothing to worry about here, as it looks like he’ll be ready to return later today, so Arcia then!

Brandon Belt — 4-for-6, 4 runs, 1 RBI. Not just perfect for your over-sized jeans anymore. He’ll help with your corner slot(s) as well. Coincidentally, that’s also what I call my love handles. Hunh?

Lance Berkman — He was supposed to be activated yesterday, but surprise! Berkman was, in fact, not. The Rangers aren’t ready yet, so they say. He’s hitting .364 with a home run in 11 rehab at-bats, but the more this draws out, the more he’ll become Breakman. Or Oldman. Or Sucksman. I don’t know, choose one.

Rafael Betancourt — After going back n’ forth the past week about who the closer is going to be when he gets activated, Walt Weiss has now indicated that the decision will be dependent on where Betancourt is ‘mentally’ at. What an amazing litmus. The sarcasm really only works for Rex Brothersowners.

Chris Carter — 2-for-4, 1 run, 5 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Is it weird every time I say his name in my head, I say it with Chris Tucker’s voice? I mean, his Rush Hour name *was* Carter. Except this Carter isn’t Balackanese, he’s Strikoutanese. Juntao!

R.A. Dickey — 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. This is what happens when you have an unlucky and injury-ridden season. A bunch of frustration and mediocracy. I will admit that my stubborn zest for Dickey may have been misplaced. But I don’t care, I’m going to keep on being stubborn. Why? Because in a few short months, it’ll all come full circle anyhow, and he’ll be considered a sleeper pick.

Danny Farquhar — 1 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 2 Ks and his 6th save. Bounced back after his first blown save since being named the closer. Interim manager Robby Thompson wanted to see how he would respond. And his response? “Farquhar you!”

Chad Gaudin — 4 IP, 8 ER, 15 baserunners, 5 Ks. So yeah, five strikeouts in only four innings, that’s pretty good. Otherwise, he just illegally touched your pitching categories. And your bathing suit areas. Allegedly. Really, I don’t like Gaudin’s profile one bit. The Zone%, Swing% and velocity don’t match up, and yet he’s been able to cut his HR/FB in half. Gaudin’s in the right ballpark, but regression can come in both large and small doses. As does groping. Allegedly.

Zack Greinke — 7.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BB), 3 Ks. A healthy clavicle would have pitched better.

Jeremy Hellickson — 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. I get why we call him Hellboy. But at what point can we start calling him Mehboy? They call me Operator. As in… Smooth Operator.

Derek Holland — 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. He’s arrived. No joke, literally. And maybe figuratively. Unless you thought that was funny. Probably not.

Greg Holland — 2 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 2 Ks and his 33rd and 34th saves. Despite the early Herrera scare, which I think you can also get from drinking water south-of-the-border, he’s a top-5 closer. Oh, and he also has a higher K/9 and lower BB/9 than Craig Kimbrel. Isn’t that weird?

Eric Hosmer — 3-for-8, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homers. 1st Half GB%: 56.4%. 2nd Half GB%: 48.0%. He’s finally realizing that hitting the ball into the ground does not net you home runs. You’d figure this is something he would have grasped the first time he hit the ball into the ground. I mean, there wasn’t a voice saying, “Hey, that ball there. It didn’t go over the fence…”? I dunno, maybe that’s just me.

Hisashi Iwakuma — 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. Yo, Smokey, pass me a hit of that Hisashi.

Desmond Jennings — Took batting practice yesterday for the first time since being placed on the DL. They say Jennings should be activated on Monday. Hey buddy, let me ask you take a look at something: .258 with a 11/17 and .257 with a 15/13. One is Desmond Jennings, the other is Will Venable. It doesn’t matter which one is which. What matters is that Jennings was drafted, on average, as the 110th pick.  Will Venable? 339. Just sayin’.

Jim Johnson — 1 IP, 1 ER, 1 baserunner, 1 K. Buck Showalter has been non-committal on the status of one Jim Johnson after three straight blown saves. Add-in the home run given up with last night’s non-save situation, the O’day might be coming for a change. Probably not. I just needed him to make the joke. Sorry Darren. If there’s a change, look to Tommy Hunter or Francisco Rodriguez.

Justin Masterson — 7.2 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 K. Took the loss while Sean Doolittle, who sounds like a character from Dick Tracy, netted the win. So I’ll allow this one-time infraction.

Matt Moore — Originally scheduled to come of the DL this weekend, he’s been pushed back after feeling some discomfort. The Rays are confident soreness won’t lead to any long delays. In the midnight hour, she cried Moore, Moore, Moore. Note: With a rebel yell.

Alexi Ogando — Diagnosed with inflammation in his right shoulder. The Rangers have sent his CT scans to Dr. James Andrews, which is a smart new strategy if I ever heard one. Seems this could be innovative way to avoid your players instantly going on the 60-day DL for two years via Doctor DOOM. You can have his reports Jim, but no touchy!

Hunter Pence — 3-for-6, 3 runs, 5 RBIs. One more RBI, and I could have made a joke with Sixpence None the Richer. The point is, Kiss Me. Hey now, no tongue. Not without a steak dinner.

Hanley Ramirez — 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, and his 12th homer. When he’s on the field, he produces. When he’s off the field, he does not. In other news, grass is green and sky is blue.

Mark Reynolds — 2-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs, and his 16th homer. I could see him getting hot for a week and then going back to vomit-inducing 0-for-5’s with 4 K’s for the rest of the season.

Wilin Rosario — 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. At this point, you gotta figure he’s a top-3 catcher going into next season. Am I going to draft him that high? I’m Wilin. You knew that was coming.

Justin Ruggiano — 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homer. Well, after getting out of a 0-for-158 slump, he seems to be on fire. Which is wonderful, because that means melted cheese. This weekend’s Josh Reddick? Yeah, I could see it.

Ryne Sandberg — The Phillies have fired manager Charlie Manuel, paving the way for Ryne Sandberg. I would pick him up in all leagues. Wait, what?

Pablo Sandoval – 4-for-4, 1 run, 3 RBIs. I’m not sure what to think of his season so far. Then again, I wasn’t sure what I thought of hamates until he ate his. At least I think he did. He looks like a hungry man. And the word ham is in it.

Alfonso Soriano — 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 25th homer. So that’s 18 home runs in his last 40 games. He’s known to fit all of this production into a third of a season, which means the end of this run could be near. So be prepared to say Soriano.

Justin Smoak — 1-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 14th homer. The Smoak monster goes yard again. I won’t feel safe until he provides this kind of production for a bit longer. Remember, 1650 PA’s is quite a large sample size of FML.

Justin Verlander — 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. So far, in the second half, he’s pitched 40.2 innings with a 3.54 ERA and 35 K’s. Not vintage Verlander, but better. While the velocity loss concerns me a bit, I still think a functioning defense would mitigate a lot of his issues. Rick Porcello is nodding his head in a vigorous fashion at my statement. And I think Doug Fister just succumbed to whiplash.

Jaywrong is a 30-year old Korish writer who finds solace using Makers Mark as a vehicle to impress women, and also has an affinity for making Jennifer Lawrence GIFs. You can follow him @jaywrong, read his blog Desultory Thoughts of a Longfellow, or, you can find his GIFs at his tumblr, named Siuijeonseo.

  1. Dylan-Ernst says:
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    Trying to determine who to throw into a trade package out of this group. Who’s lowest in your estimation in a dynasty 5×5 format? McCullers, Butler, Biddle, Urias, Martinez, Glasnow

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Dylan-Ernst: Butler. I like all those young guys.

  2. Matt P says:
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    Sup Jay Jay, this site is epic, I don’t know how you guys keep coming up with funny shit every day, but I lolz every time.

    You think Oberholtzer is fo real? Picked him up in my 16 team dynasty h2h points league, other options are Phil Hughes, Stults, McAllister…. or just stream it.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Matt P: thanks. I have him as a 4/5 with some potential. I would hold onto him for the dynasty aspect though. Keep an eye on Hughes for next year, I think he could be a lot better with a change in home ballparks.

  3. Ryan says:
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    Which 5 do you like most as keepers for next year?
    Tony Cingrani at $5
    Brad Miller – $5
    Darin Ruf – $5
    Will Venable – $5
    Justin Smoak – $5
    Kolten Wong – $5
    Christian Yelich – $5
    Everth Cabrera – $6
    Jedd Gyorko – $6
    Gerrit Cole – $6
    Kenley Jansen – $8
    Wilin Rosario – $10
    Anthony Rizzo – $10
    Alex Rios – $18
    Carlos Gonzalez – $42 (for comparison, Miguel Cabrera went for $52, Pujols for $42, Wright and Cano for $40 this year)

    Thanks for any insight.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Ryan: Rizzo, Rosario, Miller, Gyorko, Yelich.

    • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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      @Ryan: Yelich, Gyorko, Rosario, Rizzo, E. Cabrera

  4. bossmanjunior says:
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    Jaywrong

    You broke the cardinal rule in Rays baseball…they play in St. Petersburg not Tampa. The Rays used to make employees put a dollar in a jar everytime someone made that mistake. Anyways that’s my home town, grew up about 2 miles from the stadium. Btw if you’ve seen Topkin, he looks much more like a wing eating champ than an X-wing pilot. I don’t see anyway Rays bring Young back personally. Good stuff though, buddy!

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @bossmanjunior: yeah, my dad, when he was alive, had a boat in the Bradenton area, so I was always baffled how Tropicana was like 200 miles away from where it should be.

      Wasn’t there a orcafat dude that bit the dust against the Death Star?

      Thanks!

  5. Morgan says:
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    Pick two, Smoak, Belt & Ruf

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Morgan: Belt, Smoak, in that order.

  6. Jay says:
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    Need to pick one to start this upcoming week- Brandon Belt, Napoli, Adam Dunn, or Chris Johnson- this is for the IF spot- my other positions are filled, this one I’m currently using Napoli but haven’t been impressed

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Jay: Belt seems to be the hottest.

      • Jay says:
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        @jaywrong:

        Would you add belt & start him over naps OR add Jose Fernandez & start over Matt Harvey? I have an open roster spot so I don’t need to add anyone, but it’s one or the other– I’m kind of leaning on belt just because I don’t want to sit harvey

        • Jay

          jaywrong says:
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          @Jay: Yeh, prolly still Belt while he’s hot.

  7. cubjet says:
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    I have altuve at second and carpenter at third. Also have Headley on bench and JJ Hardy is my backup shortstop to Tulo. Have been offered starlin castro and josh donaldson for headley and Hardy. Free agent third basemen include A-rod, arenando, Flores. Any thoughts or input on this situation is much appreciated. My plan i guess would be to move carpenter to second and get some sort of third base help.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @cubjet: Yeah, I might do that. I thought Headley was coming out of his funk, but they don’t call me Jaywrong for nuthin’.

  8. BrewerFan says:
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    Which 3 out of 4 to keep ROS?

    Ian Kennedy, Yovani Gallardo, Marco Estrada, Dan Haren.

    And would you add Brandon Belt as a bench player over Starlin Castro?
    Either way just a bench spot

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @BrewerFan: Gallardo, Haren, Kennedy. And yeah, I’d add Belt.

  9. Wallpaper Paterson says:
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    In addition to old people and bridges, Tampa has pelicans. One bit my one or two inches under my left eye. Good thing it missed the eye or I would look like the Raiders logo.

    • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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      @Wallpaper Paterson: Although the Raiders logo might have the eye patch over the right eye. I don’t have the logo in front of me, but you get the point.

      • Jay

        jaywrong says:
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        @Wallpaper Paterson: its a good look for a space pirate though.

  10. Papajeansegura says:
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    start garret richards tonight against ‘stros?

  11. Hondo says:
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    Venable or Smoak at util/single bench guy next week?

    Still confused about Venable’s PT vs LHP.I dropped him the other day because of that and the matchup vs Harvey,but it looks bogus due to injuries to Quentin and Maybin and Cafera is in the PED corner.Plus he started vs LHP Niese last night.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Hondo: I’m going to lean Venable. He’s always platooned against righties with Denorfia, but Black is treating him like the de facto leadoff guy right now, so that may lead to more at-bats.

  12. Hondo says:
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    Oh,he would be 1 of 2 bench guys,forgot I grabbed Boneface as a plugin for Bruce when he gets LHP to try to snag a few steals.

  13. Steve Stevenson says:
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    Sitting in 1st in 5×5 OBP league. Solid lead in power, could stand to make up some pts in W and pitching ratios, but also need to protect my OBP. Had Alvarez at 3B and Tulo at SS. Recently traded for Hanley, who can fill in or either. Offer Tulo for Felix? I’d be relying on Alvarez not falling off a cliff and Hanley not getting hurt, but it also doesn’t make a lot of sense to have one of those guys on my bench.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Steve Stevenson: I’m very comfortable with you doing that. With the amount of time left, I think Felix could be a game changer for you.

      • Steve Stevenson says:
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        @jaywrong: Thanks. It went through.

  14. Ryan says:
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    Who do you prefer for next year: Wil Myers at $6 or Jose Fernandez at $5?

    Thanks.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Ryan: Ugh, that’s a tough one. I would love to go with the bat here, little bit safer, but I’m going with JoFer. I love the ceiling.

  15. chunk says:
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    Anyone see why Jenrry M was pulled?

    • chunk says:
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      @chunk: twitter saying injury in the fourth… perhaps has something to do with the PIECES OF BONE FLOATING AROUND HIS ELBOW?

    • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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      @chunk: Elbow pain. There is no reason for him to pitch again this year. He might as well get the chips removed later this month.

  16. Jiggy Nits says:
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    NL ONLY roto (BB instead of R) ahead ~40 HRS my pedro alvarez his matt carpenter… fair? which side you like?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Jiggy Nits: I’m good with that.

  17. JoeBoo says:
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    ARoid’s sitting on my waiver wire, really sick of the trainwreck that is Aramis…..am I crazy to drop him for ARoid?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @JoeBoo: not at all.

  18. RalphW says:
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    I love GOOOOOOOLD! Cant go wrong with a Goldmember reference…

    Would you pick up Byrd over Belt?

    What your thoughts on Scooter Gennett?, better option than Franklin, Brian Dozier, or Brad Miller? How would you rank them?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @RalphW: I’d stick with belt.

      Miller, Franklin, Scoot, Dozier.

  19. Troy says:
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    Traded votto Teheran Ziegler and erasimo Ramirez for aramis Ramirez Hamilton Ike Davis and James shields how I do? Also traded leonys Martin for medlen. How I do with those deals also is brothers worth owning still or should he bedropped? Thanks

    • Troy says:
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      @Troy: just a follow up I had headley and Reynolds as my other 2 3 bags I needed some help there and needed power in a head to head league that’s a 10×10 thanks again

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Troy: not crazy about it. The Medlen deal looks fine though.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Troy: oh, and yeah, watch Betancourt this week. If he does well, Brothers is safe to drop.

      • Troy says:
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        @jaywrong: thanks n yea guess I’m one of those suckers that thinks Hamilton and Ramirez could go on a run for last stretch of season.

  20. Bubba says:
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    In the playoffs but my team has been slumping hitting wise with Segura, Goldschmidt, Craig, and Longoria having a slow month…then tack on Trumbo and Hamilton and it’s made fantasy life interesting. On the bright side even when my team hits . 220 for a painful week they’re productive but I need to improve.

    Is there any way to fit Brandon Belt into the following lineup? Maybe put him at the Ci slot and move Craig to the outfield?

    C Rosario
    1B Goldy
    2B Dozier
    3B Longo
    SS Segura
    MI Villar
    CI Craig
    OF Hamilton
    OF Trumbo
    OF Bautista
    OF Gardner
    UT Ortiz

    I’m at the end of week one in the playoffs as the second seed. We play two week playoff rounds in our 12 team, 5×5, H2H, keeper league. Damn sure not keeping Hamilton or Trumbo next year. Try to fit in Belt or hold?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Bubba: I’d try to fit him in while hot. Maybe trying to play matchups with Gardner, Hamilton and Trumbo.

      I’m leaning Trumbo to keep, but ask me one more time before the year ends… might change.

  21. James says:
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    since we are nearing our trade deadline, i was starting to think about keepers at the end of my bench. The league has 28 players per team, but to draft the next year (any incoming prospects) you need to have roster room at the end of this season. (so if you keep 26, you can draft 2 guys; otherwise they need to clear the draft and go to waivers).

    Who would be the most likely cuts for you from this group(planning on cutting 2-4 depending).
    note: none of these guys are starters for me, they are all bench players, if it is remotely close the starter is noted

    Sandoval (wright)
    Chase Headley
    Arcia
    Ian Kennedy
    Neise
    Cook
    Betancourt
    Kuroda
    Parnell
    Brett anderson

    As it stands, i am leaning towards cutting Niese, and kennedy.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @James: I don’t think you need Anderson. Cook is iffy as well.

      Niese has been pitching like his old self lately, and i like Kennedy as a reclamation project next year.

      • James says:
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        @jaywrong:

        thanks, cook is only a semi keeper to me since he is the primary closer candidate for a very old closer.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @jaywrong: this year was supposed to be kennedy’s reclamation year.

  22. fantasma de los desaparecidos says:
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    Mi querido señor Jay Incorrecto: MOJO es poderoso y está trabajando … Te extraño tanto, ahora que vivo en los otros mundos ..

    Una cosa buena acerca de este otro mundo es que la terriblemente malvado “Senor Gris -. El Desapariciones-er” no está aquí … Por supuesto, va a ir a otro lugar para recibir su eterno debido.

    Voy a encender velas por ti, La Estrella del Espectáculo, para toda la eternidad ..

    Los URRASCAS son primero! ¡SÍ!

    URRACAS VAYA!

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