I’m not the most sentimental of guys. I prefer a good donkey show to an Annie Potts Lifetime show, but I gotta be honest, I was somewhat sad to hear the news on Smoltz. At his news conference, I liked when he said this, “I don’t ever want to stick around throwing 85 MPH and trying to paint corners like a little bitch. Oh, hey Tom…didn’t see you there…” I warned everyone a month ago that Smoltz may not be able to close games again and to trade him quick fast. Yesterday, one person, who heeded my advice, approached me at the supermarket while I waited in line to buy crumpets. They shook my hand and said this, “Grey, thanks for getting me out of Smoltz when you did.” As I smiled, they continued, “And your mustache is much fuller in person.” It is. You’re welcome. Looking at the Smoltz replacements, I’d rank the remaining Braves relievers: Soriano, Acosta then Gonzalez. This is also taking into consideration that in yesterday’s game, Acosta got the save chance and blew it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:
Manny Parra – The title of today’s post was almost Manny Parradiso, but that will have to wait for another day. I like him as much as I’ve liked him all along, but that’s not to say I think he’s out of the woods completely. ‘Member he was going against the D-backs, a team not known for inducing walks. Something he has been prone to this year.
Carlos Pena – Fractured his left index finger on a hit by pitch. Surprising, because if someone could swing through a hit by pitch, our money was on Carlos Pena. For the record, here are the starting 1B in the AL East: Yanks – Giambi, Sawx – Youkilis, Orioles – Millar, Rays – Hinske, Jays – Overbay. Mattingly, Murray, Willie Upshaw…where are you?
Justin Duchscherer – Not often you catch old Grey by surprise, but Just-Dooks has done the trick so far this year. (BTW, the ’27 Yankees/’08 Tigers comparisons in the March were a bit off. Cust kayin’.)
Mike Mussina – Joins Joe Saunders atop the AL Win lead with 9 wins. Proof that not only can pigs fly, but they can make cross-country flights.
Jose Reyes – 8 HR of the year yesterday. Don’t you love when your ‘all speed guy’ hits a home run.
Jered Weaver – Possible theory, the Weaver Bros. went home two seasons ago and Jered got a real talking to about making his big brother look bad. Momma Weaver, at the behest of Jeff, pulled Jered aside and said this, “Give up four runs a game like your brother, or I won’t love you anymore.” Jered went to see his Dad in the garage, “Your mother’s got her way, that’s for sure. Listen, you give up as many earned runs as you want. Now hand me that Phillip’s head.” So you see Jered’s torn for his love of the game and his mother’s love. We’ll see what eventually wins out, but he gave up four runs to the Mariners yesterday, so right now the apron strings are still pulling.
Corey Hart – Home run courtesy of Justin Upton. Should’ve been a single.
Carlos Gonzalez – Elias Sports Bureau reports that Carlos Gonzalez hit his fifth double yesterday in his sixth MLB game, which ties a record held by the Scooter Weetoeski, Carl “Red Curb” Tyler and Ox Lester. (Actually, Elias didn’t say any of that, but it sounds like something they might say. Here’s some other things that might have been overheard at the Elias Sports Bureau. “On June 2nd, the stapler was filled twice in one day for the first time since ’99.” “On May 28th, Billy asked one person to call him William for the first time in three weeks.” “On April 22nd, there were four crullers thrown away that were clearly labeled, “Don’t Throw Away.” No other time in the history of Elias Sports Bureau has this happened.”
Hanley Ramirez – 2 HRs and a steal yesterday. Now has 11 HR/14 Steals. Almost exactly where he was last year at this time (8/16). Last year he had his 2nd biggest steal month of the season in May when he stole 10, this year he stole 4 in the month of May. His lowest steal total for a month in two years. Remember in spring training it was announced Hanley wouldn’t steal as much this year.
Aaron Cook – Have him on a few teams. Boring, right? Boring wins titles! Write that above your Barclay Lounger as you watch TV.
Brett Myers – 7 1/3 IP, 1 hit. Gets the loss. If anyone can console him, it’s his girlfriend. She’s used to getting beaten with one hit.
Edinson Volquez – Nothing to say, but he made Utley look stupid.
Corey Patterson – He’s back up. Now the Reds fans can go seamlessly from “Boo” to “Bruce.”
Brian Fuentes – Word on The Streets of New York is they need Fuentes to fill in for Joba. Maybe next year they can turn Fuentes into a three inning starter. Buchholz would take over if Fuentes moves, but I don’t see Fuentes going anywhere in the near future.
Clayton Kershaw – The Dodgers don’t need a 5th starter for 17 games, so Kershaw’ll have time to think about yesterday’s start over the next couple weeks in the Dodger bullpen. Maybe Saito and Chan Ho will teach him what’s up. Either that or he’s playing beer pong with Broxton.
Cliff Lee – Five runs in the first three innings? No, that’s not possible. Karabell said he’d win the fictitious Fantasy Cy Young.
Jhonny Peralta/Khalil Greene – I had these two schmohawks rated about the same in the preseason. Well, I got that right. Nice zerho for six night, Jhonny, when your team scores 15. I’m never picking a guy with H as his second letter in his first name unless it actually makes phonetic sense.
Milton Bradley/David Murphy – Yeah, Josh Hamilton is amazing, but let’s give some props to the guys hitting behind them. Bradley is at 36/12/38/.324 and Murphy is at 34/7/39/5/.292. It’s hard to imagine a trio of drug addict, rage addict, and an Irishman performing at these levels all year, but let’s give them their due. 3-1 odds that Bradley and Murphy get in a fight and Murphy’s friend Sully hits Bradley over the head with a beer bottle and Bradley hurts his hamstring on the way to the ground. I’m not betting against Hamilton because he’s found God.