It’s been a while since we took a look at my teams because I don’t think many people really care how my teams are doing. It’s like when your friends tell you about the cutest thing their kid did. Jimmy lost his first tooth! Yeah, that’s nice as I mark your email as spam. We’ve been sitting within striking distance of first in a few leagues and have gone from the top to the middle in a few leagues. Okay, updates done. So what about your teams? Kidding. I’ll go over some outstanding moves and some clunkers. Oh, and since you really do only care about your teams — the RCL Standings and the Fantasy Razzball Standings were updated. Anyway, here’s our fantasy baseball team updates:
14 Team, Roto, 5×5, host: Brandon Funston of Yahoo, Currently in 2nd place
Key Pickup – Mike Napoli saved us from Quad-A All-Star, Jeff Clement. In 82 ABs, Napoli has a 15/6/16/.293/1 line and 6 vaffanculo’s from Scioscia. Justin Duchscherer worked for us for about 5 starts until Dr. Freeze came calling. Brad Penny also helped us for about 50 innings. Or should I say Dave Duncan helped us? Really haven’t had many other game changing pickups. Yet. Muahahahahahahaha…
Key Trades – Were the first ones to grab Justin Smoak then traded him immediately for Ryan Madson and Everth Cabrera, which is neither here nor thurrrrr, Mystikal. Traded Jenks the first week of the season for Maybin and Liriano. Liriano alone makes the trade in our favor; Maybin was obviously dropped. Finally, we traded Gardner for Polanco. Trading steals to fix our 2nd baseman shituation (damn you, Desmond) helped us, but can’t say Gardner’s been bad. I’m sure the other ‘pert is happy with the trade’s results too.
14 Team, H2H, 6×6 (OPS and Holds), host: Andy Behrens of Yahoo, Currently in 4th place
Key Trades – During the first week of the season, we traded Carlos Pena for Andrew McCutchen. Since the team we traded him to is now in 13th place, I’d say we did okay with the trade. Natch! But we’re still in 4th. Snap! Before the season began, we traded Rafael Soriano for Matt Garza. In a league that has Holds, which discounts closers, I think this trade worked out for us. Though Soriano obviously hasn’t been bad.
Debilitating Loss – Incredibly, the loss of EverCab has hurt the most. We’ve basically been punting shortstop for the last month. Not literally punting as in not starting anyone, but the choices haven’t been great. Jason Donald mean anything to you? Good, it shouldn’t. Just yesterday, I traded Carlos Santana for Yunel Escobar. Not a glamorous trade, but with McCann at catcher and Donald at short it was one that needed to be done.
20 Team, Roto, 5×5, host: Not Even Sure, Currently in 5th place
Key Pickups – John Ely has been representing for adverbs everywhere. In 37 1/3 innings, 3.13 ERA and a 1.18 WHIP. In a 20 team league, that’s a’ight.
Debilitating Loss – Can I count drafting Alcides and Beckham? Don’t even want to know how many terrible ABs these two schmohawks have given me. A combined 37/3/20/.237/5 in 308 ABs!!! I’ll be right back, I’m going to stick my head in the oven.
13 Team, Roto, 5×5, host: Scott Pianowski, Currently in 6th Place
Key Pickups – Jaime Garcia has 40 innings and a 1.79 ERA for the team. Though he also has a 1.49 WHIP so I’m expecting him to fall back to earth hard any day now.
Debilitating Loss – 6th place makes it sound like this team is much worse than it is. Our team hasn’t looked bad besides Jason Bay, McCann, de la Rosa, Kemp, Markakis, Figgins, Teixeira, Slowey, Trevor Hoffman… Wait, this team is crap. If Bay, Kemp, Figgy, Tex, McCann and Markakis can even glimpse their past glory, then I might have a shot. Right now, I’m a middle of the pack team hoping for a miraclakakis.