Ever notice how frustrating fantasy baseball is? Just like real life. Fortunately, we have Razzball to make everything better. Fantasy baseball-wise that is. Not your life. That kind of help, you have to pay for. So, let’s get to it!
Josh Hamilton — Take a look at the numbers for the man formerly know as Hambino the past 12 games: 0, 0, -3, 4, 0, 0, 0 , DNP, 3, 10, 2, -2. Take away the big 10-pointer and you get 4 points for 11 games. Is Hammy’s superiority a thing of the past? The average has crashed like a meteor down to .283. I’ve long thought Ham to be impervious to slumps, but this is getting worrisome. How worrisome? Like impregnating your best friend’s girlfriend type worrisome. Macualay Culkin type worrisome. Yes, we are getting into pretty rough territory here, but knowing this guy the way I do, he will rise back to the top! Home Alone 4 anyone? Oh yeah, and Hamilton will bounce back as well.
Ike Davis — Yep, it happened to me too. I got sucked into grabbing this slop off the waiver wire after being fooled with his 3 home run, 19 point performance. Simply put, the man is virtueless. He’s basically like Mark Reynolds used to be, but much worse. Speaking of Mark Reynolds, that guy is so disgraceful, that I’ve just assumed nobody is playing him at this point. If I assumed otherwise, he would be bashed beyond belief here on Razzball (by me anyway).
Soooo, this is what Ike did for me this week after inserting him into two of my lineups: -3, -4, -2, 4, 0. His family members should thank me for my mercifulness, as the anger is boiling inside me. AM I NOT MERCIFUL!!!???
James McDonald — When I first won McDonald’s rights off waivers, I was of course overjoyed to add him to my already impressive arsenal of pitchers. “He will be the perfect replacement for Strasburg, after Strassy reaches his innings limit.” That was the thought that went through my maniacal mind, and for a little while, he lived up to my great expectations. So how have things proceeded since then, you ask? Well, considering I dropped his middling a$$ for a two-start week from Kris Medlen, not good! Need I say more? Ok, I will.
Old Mcdonald’s last 4 point totals: -5, -3, 1, -8. These pitiful numbers make me want to unleash the warrior on this sucker, in the same fashion that Nicolas Cage’s son, Weston, got whooped by his former trainer. I don’t think it was the kid that’s named after Superman. I hope not anyway. That just wouldn’t be right.
Eric Hosmer — REPEAT OFFENDER — Hosmer’s numbers from the past week: -2, -1, 2, 4, 2, -2. I can honestly tell you that I’m done with him for good. I will not be placing him in any fantasy lineups in the foreseeable future. No, I will not be drafting him next season, unless he’s there very, very late. I don’t know if you should listen to me on this one though. I’ve said comparable things about strip clubs, only to be sucked back into the vortex. Only to yet again make it rain like a tropical thunderstorm. I suppose you really can’t compare going to strip clubs and owning Eric Hosmer, being that strip clubs at least give you temporary enjoyment, and the only enjoyment given from owning Hosmer this year was on draft day. I hope this spray tan from the ladies of the Spearmint Rhino comes out of my clothes! That was a new outfit! I’m never going back………..I’m going back.
STOP THE PRESSES!!!
Hosmer has just gone yard!! The three-run variety! Does this make up for this detestable season? No, not even close, but monitor him for the rest of the weekend in case he goes on a hot streak. He’s teased us before. Is he doing it again? Only time will tell……
Hamilton also had a nice game Thursday, going 2/6 with 4 ribbies and a run scored. I told you so.
Matt Harvey — Harvey has started out with point totals of 26 and 9 in his first taste of big league action and Imma liken what imma seein. With only 50 innings left to pitch on the season, owning Harvey at this point is sort of like going into the VIP room at the Rhino. While it only lasts anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, and you leave a tiny bit unfulfilled, you still most likely enjoyed the experience. Harvey won’t be there for you in the fantasy playoffs, but he could certainly help you make it there, so, just like at the club, enjoy the ride. You must take advantage of this young stallion, like the preying women of the rhino take advantage of customers. They will make men (or women) believe anything. “Dude, she’s totally feeling me.” “Bro, we had a connection!” But really, all they are doing is working you for cash. Do this with Harvey. Take advantage. A lot of strip club analogies this week. God, I want to go back.
Aroldis Chapman — No closers have been mentioned in my posts thus far, but Chapman deserves some love. Others, such as Kenley Jansen, Craig Kimbrel, and probably the most surprising of all, Fernando Rodney, will get their love in due time but I just can’t ignore the Cuban missile any longer. In my heart of hearts I truly believed he was going to finish the entire season without giving up a run. Alas, twasn’t meant to be. Chapman finally showed a minor amount of vulnerability, but hasn’t blown a save since June 24th and has 96 k’s in 51.2 innings, and showed the tenacity of a young Shawn Michaels, who I respect and admire dearly. He’s got some stanky cheese and is a big reason I have the Reds coming out of the NL this season.
Scott Diamond — 21, 21, 15, 6, -5, 35, and 6. Those are the points for this Diamond in the rough’s last 7 starts. Other than Scotty D, Willingham, and the Plouffester, the Twins season has been complete humiliation across the board. No, I’m not giving Morneau credit for finally playing 5 years after taking a knee in the head. What happened to that guy??? It’s baseball. Concussions play no part in the game! Join Sidney Crosby for some Arnold Palmers and lawn croquet Justin!
Anyway, back to Diamond. The dude has been real buttery, hardly ever getting tagged. In points leagues, that is huge, as it’s hard to overcome a -10/20 point performance, whereas in a standard category scoring leagues, it’s not going to kill you, as you can overcome that and still easily win. Diamond seems to be unshakeable and has never given up more than 5 runs (only once) in a game this season. The K’s are relatively low, but the kid gets his wins and if Diamond was on a contending team, he would be receiving a mountain of publicity right now. Still available in many leagues. Diamond, jump on it. Jump on it.
Drew Stubbs – So much for trading for Denard Span. Stubby has finally started fulfilling all the hopes and dreams I had for him at the start of the season. Back to back days with a slam and legs will do that for ya (that shizz Grey). His last 8 point totals break down like this : 9, 9, -1, 8, 10, 7, 4, 2 for a grand total of 48 points. If he can raise that average to the 250-260 range, Stubbs becomes a 3rd round draft pick in my eyes, whereas Span, one of the outfielders the Reds were targeting, continues to hardly be rosterable in any format.
As the playoff race heats up, so do I. Join me next week as I increase the intensity. All you warriors stay up!