Admit it, you stay at the Luxor because it’s adjacent to the Mandalay Bay at a third of the price (and they have inclinators instead of elevators!). You see a bottle of Acme Store Brand Tomato Sauce Medley and you think that’s not aftertaste, that’s a persistence of flavor! Photoshop — bleh! You have scissors and paste! Cellphone? You can yell really loud. This, friends, is the economy of our times, so why not use some of that thriftiness towards fantasy baseball? Sure, everyone would like to have ten first round picks and start Miguel Cabrera at their Utility spot, but it’s just not feasible. You need some cheap alternatives. Anyway, here’s some players that are going very early in fantasy baseball drafts and their cheap alternatives:
Adrian Gonzalez – Yes, his homers have been trending up, but he plays his home games in Petco and his average is trending down. He also needed almost 700 plate appearances last year to accumulate 36 HRs.
Cheap Alternative: Paul Konerko will match Gonzalez in power and be a lot closer in average than you might think.
Brian Roberts – Hey, it’s Grey’s favorite whipping boy. In 600 ABs last year Roberts hit .296 with 9 home runs and 40 steals.
Cheap Alternative: Kaz Matsui hit .293 with 6 home runs and 20 steals in only 375 at-bats. If Matsui can avoid Jockular Sphincteritis, he should be fine late in a draft.
Chris Davis – What no one knew in Port Charles is Chris Davis is really Bill James’s biological son fathered out of wedlock with the au pair. On next week’s General Hospital!
Cheap Alternative – Mark Reynolds.
Derek Jeter – Shocker, I know. I wonder if he was butt ugly and got no poontang if he would be as overrated as he is. Wait, let’s ask Khalil Greene.
Cheap Alternative: Anyone. I keed. Mike Aviles will match Jeter’s numbers. So if you think you need Jeter on your team, take a deep breath and grab Aviles eight rounds later.
Ichiro Suzuki – Itchy-san is projected for 7/.315/35. Those numbers make me want Brian Roberts, at least he’s at 2nd base. Seriously, you people are going to give me an ulcer. Why do you want to see Grey suffer? Why?!
Cheap Alternative: Cameron Maybin. Sure, he may hit .260, but whatever. Learn to cope, it’ll help you later in life.