Our weekly Friday Fantasy Baseball Feature, Buy Low/Sell High is back after an offseason layoff. When asked what this fantasy baseball feature did during the offseason, it said this, “Went up to the Adirondacks for some bass fishing with my friend, Clete. Well, one thing led to another and we fell in love.” Alrighty then! To get everyone on the same page, I like the Buy guys. I dislike the Sell guys. Now if Thames is in the Buy section (which he is!) and Lackey is in the Sell section (there too!) that doesn’t mean I recommend you trade Lackey for Thames. Everything’s relative, Einstein. Anyway, here’s some guys to buy and sell for the 1st week of the fantasy baseball season (start the games already!):
Alexi Casilla – Can run, can hit and at MI it pays to find out how much.
Emmanuel Burriss – Imagine Juan Pierre at 2nd base. Run, Burriss, run.
Marcus Thames – In 400 ABs, it’s not outlandish to think he could hit 30 HRs. Actually, it’s quite landish.
Mark Teahen – 20/10? Maybe. Doesn’t hurt to find out. Rotate middle infielders! All the kids are doing it.
Russell Branyan – Every year a few guys rip up spring training and carry it into the regular season. Don’t pay a lot for this schmohawk, but he’s worth a flier for power.
David Price – I like him better than Wieters, because, in the end, Wieters is just a catcher, but Price is a pitcher that can still get 120 to 140 solid innings. Just bench him for a month. You don’t really need Emilio Bonifacio that bad. Unless you do.
David Freese – Now Glaus is not coming back until the All-Star Break. Freese is the word.
Jason Motte – Sure, LaRussa’s doing everything he can to not appoint Motte the closer, but the alcohol has to wear off eventually.
Josh Johnson – You’ll be poppin’ some blowers when you fire up a Big Johnson.
John Danks – And put some Danks on it!
Matt Cain – I can just feel it. Cain’s about to warm it up. Genuine for oh-nine and still ain’t half-steppin’, peace!
Huston Street – Sure, check’s good to the bettor, but you need alligator blood. Trade Street for an upgrade somewhere else while he has some value.
David Purcey – Mentioned this guy the other day. *Burp*
Elijah Dukes – He’s effectively losing the outfield job to Austin Kearns. That’ll make for a fun clubhouse!
Chris Young – Something is seriously wrong with Tally. Might be hiding an injury. Maybe he’s just sick of getting things down for people off high shelves. You should hold tight for right now, but you’re not going to be able to start him.
Troy Glaus – Punt!
Fernando Rodney – If you can actually get someone to trade you a decent piece for Rodney now that he’s the closer, you win. And by “decent piece,” I mean just about anyone.
Travis Hafner – How long you think Hafner’s going to be stinking up the joint with his melon head? Hafner’s head, “That was uncalled for.”
Nyjer Morgan – I like speed and nothing else guys as much as the next schmohawk, but Nyjer’s like a hot dog with no hot dog and no bun. Think relish in your hand. Who wants relish in their hand? I don’t. In deep leagues, sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but I’d try and do it elsewhere.
John Lackey – First sign of good news, I suggest you see if you can get someone decent for him in a trade. This might take embellishing good news like this, “After his MRI, Lackey said he felt so good he could go for another three of them.”