Rosters are just about to go from Foster’s oil cans to forties for our annual tradition of getting completely wasted on rookie nookie. I remember in September of 1997, this young talkative player debuted. He could spin a yarn as well as he could spin his bat. That player had modest power in the minors and was hitting .361 in Triple-A at the time of his call-up. His name: Sean Casey. He had a solid career, hitting for modest power and a solid average. Later he became more known for his defense. Not with his glove, but how hitters would purposely not get a hit so they didn’t have to stand on first and hear him talk. He’d say there’s nothing a good conversation can’t defend. What is all of this getting at? That first year Sean Casey was called up, he didn’t do anything. Looked totally overmatched. Now if I would’ve dropped Ryan Klesko to grab Sean Casey, I would’ve missed out on a damn fine September from Klesko. If that happened, it may have shook my confidence in the great game of baseball and the ability to grow sideburns, and maybe I would’ve never have went on to become the fantasy baseball ‘pert you’ve grown to love and secretly dream up of scenarios where we’re hanging out and sharing a burrito. A parallel universe none of us want to imagine. So, be careful about who you drop in the coming days as players are called up. I love Joc Pederson, I’ll probably make him my preseason NL Rookie of the Year next year, but this year he may not even have a starting job.* *Fantasy Players who read this also searched for Kevin Maas, Sam Horn and Nadir Bupkis. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Steve Pearce – He’s breaking out in a big way in what is his age 31 season. Yeah, that doesn’t even make sense if you say it in a British accent, and a British accent makes everything sound smarter. You can say the earth is flat in a British accent and it sounds plausible. Pearce is swinging a hot bat right now, and that makes him worth picking up, but he’s not much more.
Jon Jay – Some day Jon Jay is going to go into a 5th grade class and speak to them about the founding of this great nation. After that, he will become known as the wacko who actually thinks he knows something about history because of his name. Until then, he’s hitting well and playing against righties.
Jorge Soler – Between Soler and Baez, I’m thinking next year I move to Chicago and write each roundup from Wrigley. Sure, I will need to move 501 feet away from home plate when Giancarlo visits… Oh my God, I just thought of something, imagine Epstein is able to get Giancarlo this offseason? Sorry, where was I? I just fainted after histrionically putting a handkerchief to my forehead. Oh, and here’s my Jorge Soler fantasy.
Travis d’Arnaud – Since July 1st, he has 8 homers while batting .252. Okay, that’s not exactly tearing the roof off the mother and Hammer dancing around, but it’s not bad if you’re struggling at catcher.
Justin Turner – He’s having one of those seasons that the Dodgers tend to produce. One year it was A.J. Ellis as he welcomed immigrants and some fantasy value. This year it’s been Turner. I don’t trust Turner to play every day once everyone’s healthy, but he’s playing now.
Joe Panik – Right now, he’s probably being picked up solely by people who lost their middle infielder and are subconsciously free associating. What do I do? What do I do? I can’t feel my fingers! I’m having a stroke! Panik!
Alex Guerrero – As I said last week with Pederson and Guerrero (if you click a player’s name, you’ll see the last few mentions of him), Guerrero probably won’t be playing every day when he’s called up. He also might be using a hallowed-out seashell to help him hear.
Arismendy Alcantara – Y’all fickle! You loved this guy a month ago, now he can’t shine your shoes with hundred dollar bills? Sure, he’s not hitting for much of an average but he has 5 homers and 7 steals in 45 games. Multiple that by three for a full season’s numbers. Yes, you’re struggling to pick up a 15-homer, 21-steal middle infielder.
Dilson Herrera – Here’s what I said this morning about Herrera, “(He’s) the Mets 20-year-old middle infield prospect. Too bad Mookie Wilson and Keith Hernandez didn’t adopt a kid in 1994, he could be called up now. Or…did they? Yeah, prolly. So, Herrera has solid pop and speed. Like Pedroia-ish. He’s also tiny. Not quite Altuve tiny. Five Herreras could fit in Ralph Kiner’s casket. Maybe 7 or 8 Altuves could. See the difference? Herrera doesn’t seem to have the batting average skills of Pedroia, but he’s still young and could grow into them. In keepers and NL-Only leagues, I’d aggressively go after him. Murphy doesn’t seem long for the Mets, and Herrera could be the 2nd baseman of the future. In redraft leagues for right now? Meh. I’d have to be desperate.” And that’s me quoting me!
Jose Ramirez – He has little-to-no power, but does SAGNOF with some of the best of them, according to his minor league numbers (38 steals in Double-A). This is all window dressing to him hitting .400 in the last week. Indians have no reason to not play him, assuming he doesn’t say anything negative about Pocahontas.
Zach Walters – I bit the bullet the other day and grabbed Walters for my corner infidel spot. This could either lead you to think, “Hmm, maybe I should grab Walters too, since he does have great power,” or “Jesus, Grey’s team is awful if he needs Walters as his corner man.”
Nick Castellanos – Rudy’s been making some tools on the sly, and one such tool is the Hitter Planner. It used to have casual sex with the Hitter-Tron, but since it’s still in Beta and the Hitter-Tron thought it was Betamax, they stopped humping. It’s more of a tool for stacking, but if you scroll down you see HP loves Castellanos. Bonus for all of youse that read all my fakakta shizz, here’s the Pitcher Planner, which doesn’t replace the Stream-o-Nator, merely adds to it.
Oswaldo Arcia – Tentatively adding him to this week’s Buy because he gets real cold and goes 0-for-4 for days on end. When he’s hot, he’s out of this worldo.
Adam Eaton – You people failed me. I asked you to get Eaton over 50% owned, so I didn’t have to write another blurb about him. Yet, there he sits at 46% owned. Hmm… I just realized with 30% of people now playing fantasy football and 30% just eliminated from their league, Eaton is actually at 106% owned. Great, now some of you people need to drop him just to get him back to 100%.
Tsuyoshi Wada – His 2.05 ERA, 1.05 WHIP is enough reason to own him, i.e., so Wada Wada you want. His Stream-o-Nator value for his Saturday start is solid, so if your fear of commitment issues are getting the best of you, go for one start.
Jake Peavy – Here’s a new sexy name! Next thing you know I’m going to tout Dan Haren (his matchup today isn’t terrible).
Zach Putnam – I wonder if Nolan Ryan were to noogie Robin Ventura one more time, Ventura would instill Putnam as the closer. Like he’s just slightly off from the first noogie’ing and one more noogie’ing will flash fry his brain into Correct Mode. Sorry, was going for the world record for most times noogie’ing was used in one sentence. If I could’ve only squeezed three more into that!
Sergio Romo – I just went over him this morning. If you scroll around and click a thing or two, I’m sure you can find it. Look at me having faith in you!
Edward Mujica – It’s either a very good week for vulture saves or I’m so desperate for saves in my leagues that I’m seeing potential closers where there are none. Probably the latter, but let’s hope for the former…if latter and former are what I think they are!
Eric O’Flaherty – Crazy thing is his stuff looks fantastic, yet he seems like a totally down-to-earth guy. Just a really exceptional human being. What? O’flattery will get you everywhere.
Brandon Moss – In the 2nd half, he has 2 homers while batting .193. When Brandon Moss’s average is near Kate Moss’s weight, there’s a problem. When his power is near her sobriety rate, there’s a big problem. To measure that in emoji hearts, that’s a negative one emoji heart.
Mark Trumbo – So, the early draft pick of Trumbo didn’t work out that well. Between injury and just suckitude, he’s been dazzling if dazzling means the exact opposite of what you think it means.
Chris Davis – Yes, he hits the occasional homer, but he’s doing little else. I hate to bag on Chris Davis after losing Ann B. Davis this year (thanks, Emmys’ in memoriam!), but even Sam the Butcher would wonder if there’s not someone other than Davis with better chops for the job.