You know who I feel bad for? The eight other Tigers that have to sit on the other side of the bench now to balance out Miggy so the bench-seesaw doesn’t topple. Prince Fielder was sent to the Rangers for a Player to be Named Later. The later was about thirty seconds when the Rangers said they would send Ian Kinsler. What? Someone had to offer a guy first. Okay, maybe it was Ian Kinsler that was sent for a Player to be Named Later and that later was ten seconds. There’s no way the Rangers and Tigers simultaneously said Prince Fielder and Ian Kinsler. I just don’t see how that could’ve happened. Only room for one Semien in the AL Central, I suppose. See, Prince Fielder’s middle name is Semien and there’s a Marcus Semien…is this getting better as I explain it? Don’t worry, I still have in my back pocket when Marcus Semien hits a game-winning home run — Semien, the shot sprayed ’round the world. Penthouse Letters will enjoy that. So, Prince Fielder in Texas just changes everything. They need to change the size of the door frames, they need to start making tofu cows… It’s gonna be a whole rigamarole! Obviously, this is a boon for his value. Last year, Comerica — or as people in Detroit call it, “The One Building That Isn’t Abandoned” — played better for homers and runs than Arlington, but that has more to do with the two clubs that were on the field. Put the Tigers lineup last year in Arlington and Arlington would’ve looked like it was a dome filled with helium. Historically, Arlington is great for a power hitter and once the summer hits, balls fly out. After Fielder alternated between great and solid seasons for his whole career, last year was supposed to be a great year, but it was merely a solid one, buoyed by counting stats. He shouldn’t have much problem bouncing back in 2014. He’ll still only be 30 years old and I don’t see him taking an extreme dive until around 32, if he can stay healthy. For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 89/33/108/.282/1. Definitely locks him into the top rounds and moves Miguel Cabrera back to first base, where he can hopefully stay healthy and drunk. More healthy than drunk, but who am I to judge? Nick Castellanos could now see a shot at 3rd base, but I don’t think the Tigers are done yet. Muahahahahaha…. Hmm, that evil laugh wasn’t totally necessary. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves and what they mean for 2014 fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – Oh, yeah. The player to be named later. (I’m sorry, they didn’t say the names simultaneously. I don’t believe that.) Hopefully, Kinsler isn’t the first man down as the seven pile on top to balance the bench because Ian’s a bit fra-gee-lay. Kinsler looked like he got old quickly last year (he is 31 already). His power was down to a career low of 13 homers and his speed was at 15 steals, which only beats his career low in his rookie year when he was still learning how to walk. (Not literally; he didn’t enter the league as an infant. He was learning to take pitches.) Unless he bumps into a syringe left behind by Jhonny Peralta, players don’t usually get better in their thirties. They also tend to lose a bit of value when they go from a hitters’ park to a neutral one. I don’t mean they refuse to paint Comerica pink and force it to play sports that cater to men and women. That’s gender neutral. For 2014, I’ll give Kinsler a line of 103/16/74/.269/17. I don’t see him falling off the map quite that dramatically because counting stats and his lineup will bolster him.
Josh Johnson – To the Padres. What’s that sound I hear? Grey getting excited about Josh Johnson again? Or is it Grey using third person? Maybe both! Johnson wasn’t bad in Toronto. He was egregious! See what I did there? Actually, he was only bad when looking at ERA. For xFIP he was at 3.58 and K-rate he had 9.18. Both are solid numbers. Now Petco can take those pretty numbers out for a ride and remove all the belch like a gentle antacid. For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 9-12/3.74/1.29/184. Assuming good health, and all.
David Murphy – Agreed to a two-year deal with the Indians. Somewhere, Ryan Raburn watched a coin flip in the air and, when it landed, he heard, “Sorry, man, that means you’re platooning with David Murphy.” Hopefully, the coin flipper had the decency to use a Buffalo nickel for an Indians’ field occupancy.
Tim Hudson – Signed with the Giants. You know what Brian Sabean’s favorite holiday is? Veterans Day.