Ryan Franklin was replaced yesterday, but it came so begrudgingly, La Russa wouldn’t even announce who would replace him. GM Mozeliak held a knife to a squirrel’s neck to try and get La Russa to tell us who would be the closer and still nothing. “There’s only two things in this world I hold dear — my Mom and my word and I’m mum on both.” That was what I imagine La Russa said. Mitchell Boggs, CPA seems most likely to see the first chances. Behind him, Motte, then MLB’s poet laureate, Miguel Batista. Keep in mind, Franklin isn’t out of the picture completely either. La Russa is way too loyal to his guys. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Skip Schumaker – Headed to the DL with a hyperextended elbow. Somewhere, Shawn Michaels’ elbow says, “Pfft.”
Ian Stewart – Sent to Triple-A. Pretty sad move for me to hear. Mini-Mini Donkey was a one-time favorite. I was thinking how this is one of those moves that if you don’t play fantasy, you’re probably like whatevs. Deep thoughts with Grey Albright, I suppose.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as he returned from the DL. I didn’t see the game, but just looking at the baserunners and earned runs, I’m gonna guess he had some bad luck with when he gave up some hits.
Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Yeah, sparkling but don’t forget the Twins are dealing with The Infieluenza Breakout of 2011.
Victor Martinez – To the DL. Has anything ever good come from not punting your catcher slot? Rhetorical!
Phil Coke – Holy crap, I just saw Coke’s line! I mean, Phil got WHIPped around (10 baserunners in 3 2/3 IP) by Seattle like a fish at Pike’s Place. It was mostly his own doing – a 4 BB first inning as well as an error by him led to 4 first inning runs (all unearned). He didn’t even get a strikeout, which is tough since he faced Jack Cust three times. He had average control in the minors so this was probably just a bad night – maybe someone shook him up before the game and put a couple Mentos in his mouth.
Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. Ride, Wandwagon, ride!
James Shields – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, 3.07 ERA on the year. I didn’t put my money where my mouth was by drafting Shields, but I did think he’d bounce back from last year.
Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. We own him in our most important league (NL LABR). I say it’s important because I’m nearly positive if we don’t win, we’re not getting invited back. In fact, if we do win, we still may not get invited back.
Frank Francisco – Blue Jays activated him and now they have the difficult decision to go with the crappy closer that they feel obligated to go with or just stick with Rauch, who’s done nothing wrong. Knowing how major league teams operate, Frank2 will be blowing saves by the weekend.
Aaron Hill – Stole his 6th base then left because 0f moans over his hammy. Sounds like he might miss 15 days, maybe he can find his upside while he’s out. You effin’ schmohawk!
Doug Fister – A very disappointing night for the Tiger hitters as Doug Fister limited them to two runs. The most disappointed was Miggy because when he saw D. Fister as the opposing pitcher, he thought it stood for Double Fister.
Jake Peavy – Hurt himself coming back from hurting himself. That’s such a Bennis Carpensheeter move.
John Danks – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now 0-2 with a 3.00 ERA. Seriously, I can’t buy a win.
Brad Emaus – Designated for assignment. Mets like Roberto Duran say, “No Emaus!”
Justin Turner – Overdrive! He will platoon with Daniel Murphy at 2nd base. He’s on the weak side of the platoon and his minor league numbers are yawnstipating at best, blehtastic at worst.
Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. As frequent commenter, Dad, said, “On only his 2nd day in the majors, Sands faced Beachy in LA. I wonder if Pauly Shore was there.” That made me giggle.
Pablo Sandoval – Hit his 4th homer this week. He’s blaming his power drought last year on The Twinkie Defense.
Justin Morneau – Out again with the flu. Minnesota Twins fever, catch it!
Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks. His brother, Gosh Johnson, “Okay, but let’s not forget the seven AVN awards I’ve won.”
Logan Morrison – Hurt his foot during the game but they put him in a protective boot – aka the Logan Moccasin – and they think he’ll only miss a game or two.
Drew Stubbs – 1-for-2 as he declares himself The King of the Slam & Legs.
Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-3, batting .183 on the year and now batting in the 6 hole. I’m legitimately concerned Alvarez might get sent down to figure his shizz out.
Alex Gordon – 2 steals. Billy Butler, one steal. Wilson Betemit, one steal… Either they were getting 89 foot leads or Lou Marson was actually the Indians CEO and they were filming an episode of Undercover Boss.
Mark Trumbo – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer. I don’t see how they can send him back down when Kendrys return. Wait, is it still a plural verb?
Peter Bourjos – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs, 3 Runs and his 2nd homer as he declares to the world he wants to challenge Drew Stubbs’ title.
Bobby Abreu – 0-for-4 as the Angels scored 15. Ticker tease!
Mike Napoli – Did not play, but Ron Washington let him bring the lineup card out to the umps so Scioscia could laugh at him.
Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and a 6.00 ERA with his third win. I have only one win for my entire staff in one league. Who’s coming with me to Nepal to fix this Win Karma?
Kelly Johnson – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer. You can book it that he’s gonna bet getter, if you’re into spoonerisms.
Melvin Mora – Out with a jammed foot. Too bad everything points to him being toast. Afternoon tea humor!
Ryan Roberts – Hit 2 homers yesterday and threw in a legs free of charge. I love the questions about whether or not I think Roberts is fo reals. He’s hitting .382 and two homers a game. He’s not that real. Can he stick at third base because the rest of the D-Bags candidates are tizz-errible? Yup. Should you pick him up? Definitely, while he’s hitting. BTW, Member my brilliant idea to allow one position a year to take steroids but not tell anyone… A little fun subplot trying to figure out which position it is each year. Well, MLB decided to go with the more niche marketing plan, “All Roberts On ‘Roids.” If Bip Roberts comes out of retirement, I called this sucker.