Diamond is widely acknowledged as the most successful Fantasy Baseball Pick-up Artist in the world – applying the methods of female seduction to the art of winning fantasy baseball league championships. He travels cyberspace with his wing Saber, teaching those who play fantasy baseball how to be fantasy baseball players.
I am not a brilliant baseball statistician. I do not spend hours upon hours combing the Internet for fantasy baseball news or advice. I do not spend much time watching baseball on TV. But what I do is win fantasy baseball leagues. Auction leagues. Draft leagues. One-year leagues. Keeper leagues. It doesn’t matter – I win them all.
I’m sure you are reading this and laughing. You may be thinking “Who does this dufus with the wizard hat think he is?” I’ll tell you – I am a Master Fantasy Baseball Pick-up Artist.
I realize you are skeptical. All I can do is share my wisdom. Share my method. It is up to you whether you use it.
For my first post, I will focus on the importance of one’s fantasy baseball Avatar in online leagues. An Avatar is the image you project to your leaguemates. It should not be mistaken for the cartoon images in video games and instant messengers. It is more than that. It is every interaction point you make with your leaguemates – particularly in the beginning of the season.
Your first interaction point is your online name. What do you use? Is it something based on your real name? Is it some mildly amusing nickname you have?
What does this project? It projects you’re an RTS (RoToSchmo).
This is the Phrase Phase – the time when a Fantasy Baseball Pick-up Artist establishes right from the get-go that he is the alpha-male in the league. He does this by choosing a name that makes this abundantly clear. Vivid, non-humorous, emotive names that gain respect: tigershark, 800lbgorilla, spikes_up_slider, grizzlykilla, etc. We call this Powerphrasing.
You might be saying to yourself “I’m playing fantasy baseball just for fun” or “I prefer to sneak under the radar” or “That’ll make me sound like a prick”. That’s your RTS voice talking. Listen to it if you are content fighting for 5th place every year. The goal of our Avatar is to communicate power.
The next crucial decision is your visual image. In many online leagues, you can download a picture. Some choose to leave this blank. Some use an animated image. Some choose a normal picture of themselves.
Again, I ask, what are you trying to project here? The answer should be….confidence. You thought I was going to say power, right? That is our Avatar end goal. But powerful people don’t need to pose with their biceps flexing or holding a weapon in their hand. This is what non-powerful, insecure people do to appear powerful. A truly powerful person is confident.
How does one show confidence? By wearing a baseball hat. No. By wearing a baseball hat backwards. That’s better but no. Confidence is wearing something ridiculous like a wizard hat. Yeah it looks silly but it combines with your PowerPhrase to tells your league mates to say, “Boys, you’re playing for second place.” We call these confidence-exuding accessories MadProps. Some people – like my wing Saber – just ooze confidence and don’t require a MadProp. When in doubt, MadProp it out.
Now how do you best leverage this powerful Avatar you’ve created from your PowerPhrasing and MadProps? We’ll save that for your next lesson….