Okay, we’re going to put behind us the absurd notion that absolutely everything has changed in a little over a month of a six month season. I’m not going to point out regression to the mean, skill sets or anything else in regards to players doing what they should do over the marathon-like baseball season. We’re going to assume ESPN knows better than us. That their rankings a month ago made sense and today their new rankings also make sense. We’re not going to say, “How could Brandon Webb be ranked tenth overall on Berry’s ranking yet Harang is ranked 70th?” We’re not going to say, they kinda have the same numbers, except for wins. We’re going to assume Webb will go 30-0 and Harang will go 3-27. We’re going to do all of that because we’re all brainwashed. We won’t second guess Karabell ranking Webb first overall. That’s right. We’re going to take our medicine, because that’s what we do — day in and day out. What choice do we have? You get all of this tremendous information at ESPN Hindsighter™; they know better than us because they broadcast games. And they’re owned by Disney. And Disney stockholders must know better than me. And… Fuck that! Is Hater Bell the only one that’s irate? You’re not frustrated with the status quo?
You need to start listening to some ’80s PE, and stop watching Flavor of Love. You need to get angry, quickfast. Put down the wine cooler and pick up a four-oh of OE. Stop holding your girlfriend’s pocketbook while she’s in the bathroom. Take her cash out of her wallet, drop the purse in the garbage and take the eighteen-year-old Wetzel’s Pretzels girl home and do her like Karabell’s been doing to his readers for the last seven years. You’re all to blame. Karabell et al is the meter maid who gave you a ticket while you ran into the store to get change. Karabell’s your eighth grade crush who asked your best friend to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Karabell’s your insecurity and that shizz is eating you alive. /rant