Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d write this post. Probably because my wildest dreams don’t usually have to do with where I’d rank Emilio Bonifacio and have more to do with Swedish flight attendants and lingonberries. But then ESPN ranked him 214th overall (I have him 126th overall in my top 300 for 2012 fantasy baseball). They say, “Apparently, he needs to change his name to Bona fee-day. Thanks to an increasing walk rate (he drew walks in 9.2 percent of his plate appearances last year, a career high) and a decreasing propensity to swing at bad pitches (his 27.7 percent chase rate on non-strikes, also a personal best) Bonifacio became a legitimate fantasy weapon the final four months of last season, his surge during that period responsible for vaulting him into the top six on the Player Rater at both shortstop and third base. Whether it was a “helium season” or legitimate growth remains to be seen, but the walk rate alone explains his 40-point increase in on-base percentage, and since that’s a critical category for a player whose value is heavily tied to his stolen bases and runs scored, we’ll buy … to a degree. Bonifacio might have to settle for a super-utility role to begin 2012, but he’ll find near-regular at-bats somewhere, and as he qualifies at both third and short again, he’s a worthwhile player to grab in those middle rounds.” First off, if anyone knows what Bona fee-day means, I’m all ears like Alfred E. Neuman. Is it a play on bona fide? Is it a play on V-Day? Is it a play on VD? Is a bona fee-day a bidet that charges by the spritz? What does it all mean? Someone, please, explain it to me! Also, while you’re at it, explain this. How do they tell you all these positives only to rank him crazy low? It’s like, “You know, y’all, he’s good for steals, he has good eligibility, his walks are increasing, the lineup is better around him, worthwhile grab in the middle rounds… The middle rounds of 20 team drafts, that is.” Huh? Is this totally bonkers or am I missing something? He won’t get near-regular at-bats. He’ll get 500+ ABs. Plenty for him to be valuable. Then, my favoritest of favorite things they do, they tell you a guy is a sleeper after ranking him crazy low. He’s only a sleeper, because you ranked him too low. Anyway, why’s Emilio Bonifacio a 2012 fantasy baseball sleeper?
Honestly, I have nothing to add to what ESPN said already, except they have him too low. That makes him a sleeper. They have him after… Wait for it… Here it comes… Wait, where did I put it? It was here a second ago… How’d it end up in my glove compartment? Anyway, here it is… He’s ranked after Marco Scutaro! Holy deity of choice, don’t listen to them. Sure, Scutaro is now in Coors, but he’s also 36 years old and coming off a season of 7 homers and 4 steals in Fenway. It’s not like Fenway or the Red Sox lineup is terrible. They project 13 homers for Scutaro. He’s never hit more than 12 in his major league career! Huh? Seriously, huh?! Okay, I need to go to Woody Harrelson’s oxygen bar and decompress before I get an ulcer.