Brennan Boesch is hitting near .400 in July and I said he could be the biggest surprise of the 2nd half on our fantasy baseball podcast. Let’s get in our DeLorean for a moment… Geez, it smells like sitting inside a TV dinner. Is this aluminum? An 8 track player? This car’s top speed is 109? The GPS is a peel-on decal? Eh, let’s get out. Okay, March Grey told you Brennan Boesch was a sleeper that would at least produce big in the first half. Hey, March Grey, take Brennan Boesch and Howie Kendrick and go skinny dipping in a shark tank, thanks! So, Boesch…and…bomb! didn’t become the catchphrase that swept Razzball quite as much as “Hey, Grey, can I drop Boesch?” He did have a potential 25 homers and good average in his bat, but he struggled mightily. His walks fell off the charts. 14 BBs in 326 ABs is egregious. Last year, he had a huge June and July. Maybe he’s not a 1st half hitter as much as a heart of the summer guy. Whatever the case, he could give you a second half of 12 homers and a .300 average. He’s not going to become, say, Mike Trout, but if you’re hurting at the end of your fantasy outfield, I’d grab him in all leagues. Yeah, yours too. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Ben Sheets – He’s liable to return more than a number three starter the rest of the way, if he can stay healthy. That “if” is ginormous. That “if” sits next to you on a plane and you can’t put down the armrest. You show up at a party of 500 Tongans and that “if” is the second biggest thing in the room after the buffet table. You hook up with that “if” at a bar and people will think you’re beer goggling. Okay, I think I made my point.
Clayton Richard – He has cut his walks by a decent amount this year (currently under 2 walks per nine, after a ~3.50 last year) and he pitches in the worst stadium baseball ever puked up for hitters. With that said (U-turn!), he has nearly no Ks and he’s not much more than a Hodgepadre.
Ross Detwiler – Here’s what I said about Detwiler right after Humber’s perfect game, “Prior to the 2007 draft, (Detwiler) was considered the 2nd best lefty behind only Price. Shizz got derailed, or Detwilered. At one point, he had a 9+ K-rate and solid control. He might be a really late-bloomer. I’d prefer that than a guy that has never been anything, but had one great game *cough* Humber *cough*.” And that’s me coughing me! Wow, time capsule there back to the early days of the Internet.
Dan Straily – Leads the minor leagues in strikeouts. Oh. Wait, what? Dan Straily? Yeah, I had no idea who he was either. He’s a minor league prospect in the A’s system who has come out of nowhere to post some incredible K numbers and he has a 1.09 ERA in Triple-A. Maybe Straily was in the other room when Hatteberg was celebrating Christmas. In AL-Only leagues, I’d grab him now because he should be up shortly. In mixed leagues, I’d wait to see what he does for at least one start.
Bobby Parnell – Like Mel Gibson at a development meeting for a Golem superhero movie, Parnell’s pitching his way out of a job. For now, I’d still own him.
Jared Burton – I imagine Perkins will see some saves…From the bench while Burton’s closing games! See what I did? Clever with a capital K! Nah, Perkins will see saves…From the clubhouse after he’s replaced! See that?! Eh, they’ll both get saves, but I’d go with the righty first.
Francisco Rodriguez – Him closing games is like watching Marmol wearing K-Rod’s earth skin.
Steve Cishek – If he was closing for the Mets, Brewers or Twins, he’d have the job for the next two-plus months, i.e., he’s the best arm from these closers, but he’s closing for Ozzie.
Sergio Romo – You know that Seinfeld episode where they get stuck in the parking lot? That’s what it’s like finding thoughts in Bochy’s head. If he finds his car, Romo would be the closer.
Marwin Gonzalez – I love names that are obvious birth certificate misspellings. “Sweetie, let’s name him Marvin.” “Okay, but should I tell the nurse ewen vith my speech spoonerism impediment?” Marwin’s a pretty bleh guy in a lineup that would lose two out of three to most minor league teams, but he’s got some speed and everyday playing time.
Alexi Amarista – He’s got a tiny bit of pop, which is blooper-over-2nd-base power in Petco, but you want Amarista for his speed. His name reminds me of Omarosa. I saw a Yahoo news headline recently that Omarosa came home to find her boyfriend, Michael Clarke Duncan, having a heart attack and she saved his life. Imagine the conversation she had with her PR person over this one. “So what exactly did you do?” “I called 911 and the EMT people saved his life.” “Well, you didn’t ignore him while he was dying, so indirectly you saved his life!”
Josh Rutledge – He could be better than Marwin, but, let’s face it, put a glove on a mop and call it a cleanup hitter and it’s probably better than Marwin. Rutledge could be Avilesish… Hmm…Avileslike? Avilesque? Speed, pop and a good hitting park. At this point, you have to be slightly desperate in mixed leagues for Rutledge.
Lorenzo Cain – …Sugar! will hit for power and get steals, if the Royals friggin’ play him. God is my whiteness! Damn you, Autocorrect, you’re isolating some of my readers!
Anthony Gose – He’s got the ability to steal a shizzton but if he keeps striking out at his minor league rate, Gose is cooked.
Travis Snider – Due to the Astros and Blue Jays pulling off the most boring ten man trade in the history of baseball, Snider was recalled. To pull off a boring ten person trade with any team, I figured the Astros would’ve had to trade nine guys for one. Say, their whole starting lineup for David Robertson. You kinda want David Robertson there and he’s just a middle reliever. Let’s try another one, Astros starting lineup or Colby Lewis? Kinda taking Lewis there. Anyway, Snider had 13 homers and a .335 average since his last stint in the minors (56 games). I’ve always been a huge fan and that hasn’t cooled. He may only play 5 days a week, but if you need pop in deeper leagues, I’d grab him.
Casper Wells – Over the last week (while the M’s have been a road trip), Wells has hit the ball well. Casper Diem!
Adam Lind – He keeps hitting bombs as I continue to forsake my own team and not pick him up. I would really like to pick him up though… How did Sophie ever choose?
Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper has been hitting when he plays, which is a way of saying he’s always nursing something and missing games.
Jedd Gyorko – His last name is pronounced Jerko. You ask, what kind of last name is pronounced Jerko? The kind that will get you punched in the face. At least he’s not a hockey player, or his name would be Jerkov. With Rizzo gone, San Diego’s prospect hopes and prank calls now rest soley on Gyorko’s shoulders. Here’s what our prospect writer, Scott, wrote about him, “Gyorko hit .365 in the California League, but regressed somewhat when he reached Double-A, posting a .288 average. He returned to form during AFL play, though, claiming the batting title with a .437 mark. Gyorko’s had nice power figures – 30 HR in 2011; 15 homers in Triple-A this year through 54 games – but expect that aspect of his game to shrink when he steps inside Petco, sorta like the eggplant I carved to look like Grey when I left it in the sun too long.” Hmm, didn’t remember that last part. Scott has been wisely cautious about pushing Gyorko, because Headley has been blocking him, but the Padres are now shopping Chase so this Gyorko could be up within the next week. After seeing what Yonder’s done in Petco…And Headley… And Quentin… And every Padres hitter to ever play in Petco besides an in-his-prime A-Gon. I’d still be cautious. You’re looking a guy that might give 6 homers without much speed over the final two months. It’s a’ight.
Todd Frazier – I’m losing patience/faith/synonym with Frazier. He has 10 homers in only 67 games which is around 25 homers over the course of the season and better than a lot of other 3rd basemen, so my lack of patience/faith/synonym with him is completely unwarranted.
Starling Marte – Either the Pirates are going to call him up or they’re going to trade him for a piece and his new club is going to call him up. Here’s my Starling Marte fantasy. Oh, and his resemblance to another retired ballplayer is uncanny or Julio’s making another comeback.
Jose Bautista – He’s defied odds before. In fact, he’s basically the oddsmaker and you don’t bet against the oddsmaker. So don’t trade him for a hamper of dirty gotchies, but I just don’t trust a hitter when they hurt their wrist, especially not when they do it on a swing.
Ian Desmond – I was a bit blinded by his 1st half. I mean, Desmond kept shining on and I fell in love with the bling. I’ve got my weaknesses, y’all! Not to mention, I’ve been waiting for him to actually perform for the last two years. And now that he is performing… Well, he’s performing too well. (<–almost palindrome!) He’s hitting the ball better (lowered his ground ball rate, upped his line drive rate), but his HR/FB% is insane compared to his past years. His K-rate and walk rate haven’t gotten any better. He’s really more of a .260 hitter with 17 homers and 17 steals over the course of the season. He already has the 17 homers, so what’s he gonna do? Hit five more and then give back five more because of too much pine tar? If he had a 6 homer, 6 steal 2nd half it wouldn’t surprise me. A 2nd half like his 1st half would blow my mind. 30 homers seems inconceivable, Vizzini. I wouldn’t trade him for a used Sandy Duncan eyeball, but I’d explore options.