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Justin Duchscherer is headed to the DL with a bad hip. (That’s the exact medical term. I checked WebMD.) How about them Athletics?! Talk about an ironic team name. Bobby Crosby, Street, Chavez, formerly Harden, etc. How about un-Athletic? What, too obvious? Whateves. You add the clever for once. Duchscherer might come back in two weeks. There’s only five weeks left! You’re going to wait around for this schmohawk? Cut bait as they say on the Country Music Channel or The Nashville Network or whatever channel Jeff Foxworthy’s hosting a show on. Oh, wait, that’s Fox. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Derek Lowe – 6 1/3 innings, 1 ER. I’m on him for home matchups like Alyssa Milano’s on Valtrex.

James Loney – HR yesterday. Headed to Philly for a weekend series. Stock up on your Dodgers’ bats. Loney’s probably one that is out there.

Greg Smith – 6 IP, 0 ER. Against the Mariners. It’s like being able to hit the ocean with a golf ball from a pier.

Yunel Escobar – HR yesterday. If he gets to ten home runs and five steals with a .290 average, you’re going to look at him next March and think about drafting him. Remember the five months of yawnstipation. Remember.

Brandon Webb/Cliff Lee – 19th and 18th wins respectively. Now disrespectfully, Cliff Lee?! Holy heffin’ hey, are you serious? He’s 29 and his K/BB ratio tripled this year.  What the eff? Imagine if the Indians were good and hadn’t been Pronk’d! Cliff Lee would be looking at a 40 win season and free blow from Drew Carey for life.

Hideki Matsui – First home run since returning three games ago. This is a win for Godzilla, anime and porn.

Joey Votto/Jay Bruce – Both homered yesterday. They should totally watch Beaches together, because Votto’s totally Barbara Hersey and Jay Bruce is Bette Midler. While Jay Bruce is rocking out on Broadway in a musical about Otto Titsling, Votto’s living for some detached jerk and biding his time until he has a baby. But things only appear wonderful for Bruce. His spouse is two-timing on him, he can’t have a kid and he’s butt freakin’ ugly. Wait, I was all ready for a good cry when I realized this was supposed to have something to do with Votto, Bruce and fantasy baseball? Oh, that’s right! Votto’s just as good as Bruce, but he’s getting cold there in Bruce’s shadow.

From Around The Web

  1. Frank Rizzo says:
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    I’m starting Wainwright tonight as well as Grey. I love the matchup and hope St Lou gets up early because Adam ain’t lasting more than 4/5 innings.

    Really considering picking Brett Myers back up. Sure, his CG shutout was against the Nats but his prior outing against the Dodgers wasn’t bad either even though it was in LA. His K’s are climbing. His control must be getting better. I remember when he came back his problem was his velocity on his fastball and his lack of faith in that pitch. Is his velocity back up now? I haven’t noticed.

  2. Denys says:
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    So who’s starting Harang?

  3. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Frank Rizzo: I just hope he’s half the pitcher he was for the stretch run. Strike that, three-quarters of the pitcher. Only thing I’m worried about is a relapse with the injury. This was a similar injury that Zumaya had from his Guitar Hero injury and he did have problems coming back. Let’s hope Guitar Hero is tougher than pitching in a major league game.

    I think you have to pick up Myers at this point.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Denys: In Colorado? No way. I’m sitting him in all leagues where ratios matter at all. The only leagues I would start him are Head-to-Head leagues where I’m just trying to accumulate Ks or IP. At this point, I’d love to see him pitch well on my bench. Just pitch well already.

  5. Frank Rizzo says:
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    I want to pickup Myers but then have a decision to make. I really don’t want to drop Kershaw or Scott Baker off the end of my pitching staff so then I’d have to drop a fill in power hitter.

    I’d have to choose to drop either Thome, Giambi, or Chris Davis. I will not drop Thome, because he’s in too good a situation and is putting up stats. I am considering dropping Giambi for Myers because Giambi’s just suck right now.

    Thoughts?

  6. Chase says:
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    OOOO man that was so sweet! Last night be and my bro hams wrapped Aaron Harang’s house! and we spelled out ‘AAA’s coming for you so fix your shit’ in shaving cream on his driveway. i thnk he got the message so tonight im going 6 2/3, 4 ER, 5 K but he gets screwed on two of the earned runs bc of 3 lucky infield hits.

  7. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Frank Rizzo: I think you’re right on the money. Giambi’s the guy to lose.

  8. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Chase: “…but he gets screwed on two of the earned runs bc of 3 lucky infield hits.” — hehe

  9. Frank Rizzo says:
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    That takes care of that. Myers in, Giambi “Boom…….outta here!”

  10. royce! says:
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    Re: pitchers against the M’s- I think Scott Baker might be the only pitcher one should bench- 10.2 IP, 17 H, 10 ER. 5 K, 4 BB. I really want to start him next week b/c he has 2 starts, but those are some pretty razztastic splits.

    Then again his second start is against OAK and I’m sure that could cure even the worst first start!

  11. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: I hear you on those stats, but I’d still take my chances on anyone versus the M’s.

  12. Chase says:
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    I’d take Ankiel against the M’s if he somehow in someway there was a random interleague game against the cardinals and all of their pitchers came down with mono b/c they just got back from Atlanta cough kotchman.

  13. wassup says:
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    Capps is going to be activated off of the DL and I have to drop him to enable enough room for him. Im not sure who I should drop. Here are the people that I’m thinkin about dropping. I can also afford to drop one of my closers cause currently I have 3. Should I drop Guzman,Polanco, Mora, Wigginton or out of my 3 closers Chris Perez, Guardado, and Cordero? Can you narrow it down to 1 or 2 people that are the worst of the bunch.

  14. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wassup: Guzman or Polanco.

  15. Steve says:
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    @Grey & Frank Rizzo: Sorry boys – it’s not in the spirit of The Brotherhood Of Razz I know but I’m hoping Wainwright gets torched. My opponent is due for something bad to happen (nothing has, so far this week) and this could be it. Now, where did I put that Wainwright voodoo doll…

  16. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Damn you!

    *****TAKE FOLLOWUPS TO THE NEWEST POST.

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