Andrew McCutchen has a mild sprain of the AC joint. Sucks this is happening in the hottest part of the summer. If something happened to my AC right now, I’d be so— The smart part of my brain buried under ten years of pot smoking and alcohol abuse whispers, “The AC joint has nothing to do with air conditioning.” “Shut up, Smart Part Of My Brain. If that’s even your real name.” With this AC issue, he runs the risk of overheating– Smart Part Of My Brain, “No, seriously. Google it.” *Googling, reading WebMD, asking Smart Part Of My Brain to translate* Oh, forget it, by the time I did all of that, the Pirates are already saying it’s a day-to-day issue. He should be out there Monday or some time soon thereafter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Paul Maholm – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K as he threw his 2nd career shutout. If you know when his first career shutout was, there’s a good chance you’re Paul Maholm.
Garrett Jones – So far in July (around a .200 average) it looks like someone left Robot Jones out in the rain, but yesterday he hit his 2nd homer in five games.
Roy Oswalt – He left his start after taking a liner off his ankle. Here’s another vote for cankles. You goofed, God, cankles are more durable. Oswalt didn’t immediately leave the game because his head’s obviously harder than his ankles. He should make his next start.
Michael Brantley – 2-for-4 with his 2nd steal in three games. For those hurting for steals, SAGNOF!
Jhonny Peralta – Hit an inside the park home run that took 16.74 seconds or slower than 5 average home run trots, according to the Home Run Tracker. It’s obviously not easy carrying around that extra H.
Kerry Wood – Hit the DL with a blister. Now the Indians will be lucky to trade him for $24 in trinkets. Chris Perez is the pickup.
Alex Sanabia – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Alex, or Alejandro as he’s known within the Gaga community, is crazy raw. So far he’s had two starts against the Nats and Diamondhacks and he’s averaging just over 4 innings per start. At 21-years-old, I wouldn’t go near him outside of NL-Only leagues for now. That could change.
Yunel Escobar – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his first home run of the season while batting .462 on the Blue Kays. Thank God for those Canadian exchange rates!
Shaun Marcum – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. I didn’t voice this on the blog, but I was worried about Marcum returning from his elbow issue. Looks like I was just being paranoid. Who said that?!
Rickie Weeks – 3-for-4 and two homers. I feel like every year I drafted Weeks and he was hurt has made this year possible. Unfortunately, I don’t own him this year. Thanks, Weeks. I will now walk into traffic.
Trevor Hoffman – Could someone sneak into Miller Park and put blinking lights around the “596 Saves” banner so I can pretend there’s a reason I’m holding onto Hoffman?
Matt Diaz – 3-for-4 and his third homer. Yes, it was off a lefty. Yes, it’s that simple.
Jack Cust – Hit his third homer in the last four games. Grab while hot. Cust homerin’.
Vin Mazzaro – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. That’s nice, I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.
Carlos Pena – 6 for his last 10 with 2 homers. Is it me or has he hit his 20 homers in, like, 4 games? Either way, he’s hot and will probably get to 25 homers by next Sunday.
Andy Pettitte – Could be out for a month as he heads to the DL with a Grade 1 groin strain. I didn’t strain my groin until Grade 7.
A.J. Burnett – Hurt his hand bursting through the clubhouse doors, after originally saying that he hurt his hand while smashing a cream pie into Swisher’s face. Guess he was trying to impress his mom, Carol.
Vicente Padilla – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K. I know it seems against everything you believe in, but you really should pick up Padilla.
Shin-Soo Choo – Hopes to return on Friday. Wasn’t he supposed to be out for the rest of the season? I have a feeling South Korea mentioned to Choo that he has military obligations if he’s not playing baseball.
Brian Roberts – Who? Oh! Brian Roberts, that’s right. I think he plays 2nd base or something. Juan Samuel, the guy they’re calling manager for now, says Roberts will return in less than 2 weeks. If he was dropped, then take a flyer that Roberts returns at seventy-five percent. I’m guessing it will be closer to fifty though.
Starlin Castro – 3-for-4 and his 2nd steal in the last four games. He’s batting over .500 in the last week. All aboard!
Jose Reyes – Last week, the Mets said Reyes wouldn’t return until he was 100% pain-free. Now Reyes is set to return on Monday. Does this mean Reyes is 100% pain-free or are the Mets a bunch of jokers?
Josh Beckett – Set to return on Friday. Geez, were him and Brad Penny sharing doctors like they used to share Alyssa Milano? I’d grab Beckett if he’s out there, but I wouldn’t start him in his first start back.
Scott Kazmir – To the DL with shoulder fatigue. The shoulder had no comment, but it was seen waving a white flag.
Mike Napoli – 2-for-4 with his 16th homer. Napoli generates more questions than any player about whether or not people should drop him. I’m at a loss on how to communicate to you that you should just put a catcher, namely Napoli, in your catcher spot and let him be. Ron Popeil said it best, “Set it and forget it.” Obviously it’s my fault why people continue to ask whether they should drop Napoli. So my question to you, loyal Razzball reader, is how do I communicate it better? I can give you stats. Napoli leads all major league catchers in homers. On ESPN’s Player Rater, he’s a top five catcher for the season. Oh, and his Mom once showed nipple to a room of people. (Google “Mike Napoli” + Mom. You’re welcome.) What more do you need? Help me help you.
Mat Latos – To the DL. This was overheard this weekend in San Diego, “We have to skip Latos’ start to limit his workload, but then we’ll be left a man short. Unless we were to enter his dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream and tell him to say he hurt his oblique while sneezing.”