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I almost went with Mark Wahlberg‘s rendition here but I thought, nah, I ain’t gonna make your ears bleed.  I’ll just gif it and be done.  Just realize you did it to yourself if you clicked that.  Ample warning was given.  But back to the point: Drew HutchisonHe’s a GPP play today at the low, low price of $6,500.  I hear you out there: but Sky, he has a 5.33 ERA and is pitching in a pitcher’s park.  Bish you cray! Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard these things before.  Don’t care.  What I care is going on below the surface numbers for Hutch and that’s his home/road splits.  He’s having a bizarro season thus far so why not have him be amazing at Rogers Center despite having major reverse splits on the year?  I mean, it all makes sense, right?  Over 45.1 IP this year at home, Hutch carries a 2.38 ERA, an 8.34 K/9 and a miniscule 1.59 BB/9.  I don’t understand this and yet I can’t fight these stats.  And just for correctness, he ain’t getting lucky as his xFIP of 3.04 and FIP of 2.49 can attest to.  So Hutch really does have the power…YEAH!  PS, if you’re reading this Michael Bay.  Kindly go eff yourself for taking a CGI dump on my childhood Transformer memories.  Hate you forever.  But enough about Optimus Prime, let’s move along.  Here’s my Sunday fun day takes for this day’s slate…

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Carlos Martinez, SP: $9,000 – If you’re not considering one of whom I’d call the big three for today’s cash game SP1s (David Price, Madison Bumgarner, Chris Archer), then you’re probably gonna wanna look at the kid with the near 10 K/9 facing a team that has competed with the Astros for worst K% in the league all year.  They’re neck and neck, y’all!  Overall, I wouldn’t be surprised if C-Mart puts on the best showing Sunday of the big arms.  If you really wanna play conservative, Martinez can be paired with any of those three.  You just gotta be smart about where you spend for the bats.

Steven Matz, SP: $7,700 – Everyone loves the hot new thing.  Welcome to your SP2 cash game pick of pretty much everyone who is playing today.  He could be great, just realize you’re jumping with the other lemmings here.

Michael Pineda, SP: $7,500 – Has not looked right of late and it was especially notable when he got trounced at home by the Phillies to the tune of 11 hits and 8 earned in 3.1 IP.  Though I prefer him at home if I start him, a nice bounce back start could be in order and under owned because of…well, did ya SEE what he did last time out?

Trevor Bauer, SP: $7,100 – So I opened with a guy who has weird splits and I give you another.  Bauer’s home ERA on the year is 6.49.  His road ERA?  It’s 1.10.  I heard that pop.  Pick your eyes back up and put them back in your head.  That’s gross.  Tie that ERA to his 10.32 K/9 on the road and the Orioles being near the bottom in team K% on the year and you have yourself a good tourney play.

Chase Anderson, SP: $6,100 – The Padres against righties this year have been flat out poopie.  Yeah, I said poopie.  Can’t censor me, I say what I want!  If you’re trying to price in big bats today, an Anderson/Hutch duo could make you some mad cash.  Or just make you mad cuz you’re losing cash but that’s what tourney play is all about.

Wilin Rosario, 1B/C: $2,900 – Yeah, I said MadBum was a play, doesn’t mean he can’t give one up.  It’s a punt at this price but much like George Clooney with a call girl, he could pay handsomely.

Stephen Vogt, 1B/C: $4,200 – If you’re paying up at C, Guthrie vs a lefty usually equals ‘dollar emoji’ in the ‘bank emoji’.  Really, if I could just text you my picks, I would.

Edwin Encarnacion, 1B: $5,200 – Days like this make me wish there was a DH.  I love Goldy at $100 more as well but sometimes you just have to make a choice and stand by it.  I’m calling a parrot trot today.

Jose Abreu, 1B: $4,200 – Looking for a cheaper get?  Again, one doesn’t have to expect a stud pitcher to get trounced in order to expect an opposing player to have a good game.  When Abreu is priced like an upper mid-tier 2B, I call him a deal.

Brandon Belt, 1B: $4,000 – Sure, I’d love to see Belt vs Kendrick in almost any other park besides AT&T but Kendrick and lefties go together like Nicki Minaj and good taste in music (that means they are a bad pairing, btw; my anaconda don’t…).  When an ace is on the mound, you gotta love the idea of a stack against the opposing pitcher as well and I do here.

Joe Panik, 2B: $4,100 – *Looks up 2 inches, wonders if he needs to say anything else*  I’d consider Matt Duffy here as well with the cheaper price tag of $3,600 if I was needing to price down.

Neil Walker, 2B: $3,100 – Solid but steady Neil seems to be coming around of late.  Though facing a lefty isn’t exactly getting his best side, if I’m considering a Pirates stack (and I am) then some cheap Walker helps the cause.

Todd Frazier, 1B/3B: $4,700 – Don’t care which stadium and don’t care how highly touted the rookie is.  You tell me Frazier is facing a lefty and my pants bunch up in the front.

Nolan Arenado, 3B: $4,200 – Yeah I know it’s the second time I’ve suggested a play against MadBum while also telling you he’s a good start but here’s the thing: Arenado es en fuego, putos!  Sorry, Rosetta Stone doing its magic there.  Nolan actually has better road numbers than home numbers so far this year.  I think that’ll balance out over time…by his home numbers rising up to the challenge.  The kid is freakin’ good, y’all!  Consider Tulo at $3,800 not a terrible get either.  If you are gonna have more than 2 Rockies, I’m absolutely fine with Nolan and Troy being those two and leaving Rosario off the table.

Asdrubal Cabrera, SS: $3,300 – I am finishing this article in the morning and got to SS, looked at the daily lineups and saw Cabrera was batting leadoff.  I stopped looking at other shortstops.  #Analysis

Andrew McCutchen, OF: $4,500 – Already mentioned the Pirates stack.  Have I mentioned how flippin’ cheap it is?  Here’s your priciest piece.  Just go do it but DO keep your eyes peeled on Andrew’s status.  X-Rays were negative after a hit by pitch to his elbow so he may get a ‘daddy I’m sore I got a booboo’ day off.

Nelson Cruz, OF: $4,400 – Cruz hasn’t been the automatic we got earlier in the year vs a lefty but he’s been prettay, prettay good against them overall.  At this price, I’m alright with putting this pick in Cruz control.

Mike Trout, OF: $4,400 – Speaking of pricing…what?  Exsqueeze me?  Baking powder?  No, I haven’t lost it…well, I have but that’s not what’s going on here.  This price…this PRICE man…the rent is too damn low here!

Marlon Byrd, OF: $3,500 – Lefty on the mound…DK is straight trolling me right here.  If you want some power at this price, I’m giving you the Byrd, y’all.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Because all other games have all day to get it in, the one game of concern is the night cap of STLvsCHC.  Precipitation and thunderstorms seem to be hovering down there all day and it’s not clear if it will break in game or not.  If you’re thinking pitchers from this game, be weary.

Doing Lines In Vegas

The heavy favorites on the day are Greinke (-220) and Bumgarner (-225).  I didn’t talk about Greinke because I have leaned more and more Rudy’s way in trying to take the home pitcher when and where I can and today just has too many options to ignore that mantra.  Speaking of Rudy, his Teamonator actually thinks Price is up there with Greinke today on the win% trail so keep that in mind when chasing vegas lines.  Meanwhile, Vegas is calling a pick’em between McHugh and Pineda but with an o/u of 7.5 and the Astros propensity to K, I’m still all about Pineda.