Grizzly Adams did have a beard, and so does Adam LaRoche ($4,800), who’s hitting at an insane clip this month (.636 SLG and .348 ISO). He’s also a notorious slow-starter, but his lifetime OPS in August is .903, which is well higher than any of those other stupid months. Hold up, we’re not done here. I got stats on stats on stats. LaRoche also owns a .417 wOBA and .225 ISO at home versus RHP, and he’s 4-for-11 (1 HR) versus Trevor Cahill, who has been hit hard in 2 career starts at Nationals Park (5.11 ERA).
Man, I hope at least some of those numbers don’t lie, but I know if I ever have any doubts, I can bounce my ideas off the DFSBot. This thing is getting all sorts of accolades lately and was probably banging lines with dimes somewhere in VIP last night. Oh to be the most accurate projection system on the interwebs. Congrats Bot, live it up.
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Alex Wood, SP: $7,300 – His last 6 starts have gone boom/bust/boom/bust/boom/bust. Guess what time it is? Boom! Here comes the boom! Ready or not, man that song really sucked! Wood holds a near-elite K/9 (8.78) and PNC Park generally caters to LHP, which the Pirates struggle against (.667 OPS) … good enough, no?
Brayan Pena, C: $2,600 – He’s been getting solid run at 1B and almost always catches for Johnny Cueto, so like a fresh case of the clap in a frat, Pena will most definitely make an appearance. It helps he’ll be facing a righty, because he’s hitting .286 against dem dudes.
Joe Panik, 2B/SS: $2,800 – Since 8/4, Panik at the Frisco is hitting .419 with a .427 wOBA. Where do you want him in your MI? It’s cool, just tell him. I’m always a fan of punting these positions, and Panik has recently been penciled in at #6 in the order, which is better than #7 or #8. It’s science.
Nolan Arenado, 3B: $4,600 – It’s no surprise that Arenado hammers southpaws at Coors (.375 ISO), but his reverse splits aren’t too shabby either (.348 wOBA against RHP), so he ain’t scurred of Danny Duffy or whatever else K.C. throws at him. This is the play o’ the day at the hot corner.
Seth Smith, OF: $4,000 – When there’s grass on the infield, or Smith is facing RHP, it’s time to play ball. He holds solid splits (.297/.390/.521) and has hit hella good in Hollywood since 2011 (.343).
Jay Bruce, OF: $4,200 – He’s back to being a banger (3 HR in last 10 games) and is also 9-for-19 (w/2 HR) lifetime against Lance Lynn. It’s been a down year, no doubt, but this price is a little low. I’m buying.
Jon Jay, OF: $3,600 – If only JonJay Bruce was a real person. Ready for more BVP all up in your grill? As strange as it sounds, Jay has owned Cueto throughout his career (10-for-21 w/3 HR). He’s also averaging more than 11 DK points over the last 10 games … truth!
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
I’d say there are semi-serious threats of rain for ATL/PIT, CLE/MIN, and ARZ/WAS (d’oh). Whatever, these thunderstorm warnings are pretty fluid, so I’m staying the course and praying someone gives Mother Nature a foot rub. That always calms them down. Am I right, fellas?
Doing Lines in Vegas (10-18-2 overall)
Betting on baseball is dumb. Put that ish in an IRA, or better yet, save it for NFL action if you crave non-DFS juice. But I’ll continue following the format laid before me and open myself to further troll abuse (bring it, bridge people). Hey, at least I’m holding myself accountable. Gimme the overs in CLE/MIN (8.5) and SD/LAD (7.5).