“Schlurricane is the hottest sharp in daily fantasy sports! Nobody, and I mean nobody, can rival his recent success! He’s got today’s locks and I MEAN THEY ARE LOCKS!!! Schlurricane guarantees today’s picks or the rest of the season is free! That’s right, absolutely free!!! You heard it right, his information is so good that if you don’t win 5,000,000 dollars today every other piece of advice for the rest of this season, is 100% free! Call now to receive them on a recorded message. That number is 1-800-RAZZBALL.COM!!! THAT’S 1-800-RAZZBALL.COM!!!”
Ok, don’t call that number… But if you don’t win with this lineup today, the rest of my picks for the year are actually gonna be free. You don’t even have to hoard coupons for this deal.
When the higher ups (Sky in the plural tense) asked me if I could fill in a big Friday piece, I knew I had to bring it hard. Who brings it harder than those coked out Jersey hustlers who pretend to be kings of Vegas? Maybe the one guy who’s side job is in Tehol’s primary field of employment? Otherwise no one. The problem with those guys is they’re all BS. There’s no such thing as a lock and they know it. But, if they win, a bunch of suckas will sign up. If they lose, their crappy predictions become free to those sheepish enough to continue to follow. We don’t do that at Razzball. First of all, we got legit prediction tools thanks to the Stream-O-Nator and HitterTron. Second, we know our readers are sucka free! Tertiarily, (a Wiktionary special) we win, and want to share the chedda. But, you gotta supply your own milk. We’ll add the culture.
Remember, DFS, like all smart gambling, is only done well when you find advantages and trust it over time. It allows the anomalies to distance themselves from the norm. If it doesn’t win for you today, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. Today could be the anomaly. With that being said, I’m feeling really good about today’s lineup recommendation. Get yourself in a couple of 50/50 leagues and a couple of Triple Ups at DraftKings with the following.
Felix Hernandez, P: $12,500 – He really is the king. Over the past 5 years there is probably nobody more fun to watch pitch on a daily basis. I guess that would make him and Kenley Janssen the only two guys to actually pitch every day. Each fifth-daily-basis just doesn’t roll off the tongue. Or is it fifthly day basis? Anyhoo, he’s really F-Her-ing good (or F-ing-Her?) and the Astros just really aren’t. I hate paying this much for a starter when there’s a lot of stacking pleasure out there, but I can’t find a way not to.
Danny Salazar, P: $7,000 – The park factors are a little scary. But seven freaking K for a possible 12 Ks!? Stream-O has him as #3 today. Yeah the Stream-O-Nator and I have been spending so much time together we got nicknames. He calls me Schlurricane. I think he’s drunk all the time. All the geniuses seem to be…
Yan Gomes, C: $2,800 – Punting catcher without anything jumping off the board at me today. He faces a bad lefty in a home run friendly park. Another value play the HitterTron likes is Yasmani Grandal but he’s in Petco tonight.
Eric Hosmer, 1B: $3,200 – Rick Porcello is an impressively mediocre pitcher. He’s also impressively bad against lefties. Hosmer is one of those, hitting .300 and hasn’t popped his born-again power cherry yet. He reclaims it every year…
Danny Espinosa, 2B: $3,400 – The starting Rockies’ 2B is a decent option here, but they rotate three of them so I don’t wanna get you fixated on one guy. Check the lineups prior to first pitch to see who to insert if you desire. I like Espinosa as a value play. The adverb is the top Stream-O-Nator pick today, but Espinosa loves lefties. Or strangers. If you sit on lefties they turn into strangers. Be patient Danny.
Miguel Cabrera, 3B: $5,700 – He’s the sword to James’ Shield. He’s also the best hitter in baseball and the park looks primed for some derby this evenin.
Chris Owings, SS: $2,400 – Owings is warming up at the plate and he profiles to be a much better hitter than he’s shown so far this year. For that price you can do a heat check.
Carlos Gonzalez, OF: $5,800 – My other homie, Tron, is really keen on hitters in Coors. We also have seen some evidence over the years that LHBs really like RHPs. CarGo is also good against everyone everywhere. Wheeler likes to waste pitches, miss his target and walk guys. Early bullpen use by the Mets in Coors. That is a good thing, my friends. If he sits today, I’d recommend going Brandon Moss in his spot and using Robinson Cano at 2B with your extra dough.
Corey Dickerson, OF: $3,700 – Another guy to ensure is in the lineup, but if he is he’s about as likely to jack one as anyone else today. If yesterday was an indication, he should be in there again today.
Alex Gordon, OF: $3,300 – Porcello. LHB. Cheap.
Josh Reddick, OF: $3,500 – If Dickerson is blacked out, use a fleshlight and get Reddick. In fact, it might be a good play to stack LHB in the OAK @ BOS matchup in general. Two RHPs who’ve been giving away long balls this year and it’s blowing out to the short porch in right.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
After weather caused three doubleheaders yesterday that were played in arctic conditions, today’s weather looks pretty clean. It warms up in MIN and the eastern seaboard. Only real potential threat should be in Cleveland where the White Sox visit. Very slight chance of the same in Pittsburgh, but nothing looking too scary as of yet.
Doing Lines in Vegas
[email protected] O/U 7 – Sputtering offenses, but both quite potent. Morrow is the king of implosion. Cole throws TONS of fastballs and the O’s like to hit em. I like the over, but something smells fishy about how low this is. It seems too obvious, but I’ll take the over anyway.
[email protected] O/U 8 – Another case of poor hitting of late. But these two starters are incredibly volatile and especially seem scary in the AL. Both bullpens are annihilated after doubleheaders the day before. MIN went to extras with LAD in the nightcap. I like the value of the over here as well