There are three guarantees on a Razzball website. Seinfeld references, Simpsons references, and Grey mustache references. I’ll give you three guesses as to which one of the three this title is referencing and the first two don’t count. If you’re a young pup, google will guide the way for you. Seriously, just try googling ‘stupid’, type the space, and then type the ‘s’ and see the rest fill in for you. It’s that recognizable of a quote, y’all. Hell, there’s even a looped YTMND song from the early 200o’s about it. BTW, if you’d like for your brain to not melt, kindly don’t click on that link. Of course, you’re not here for nostalgic jaunts back to a time when the Simpsons were actually funny, you’re here to talk some DraftKings with me and I couldn’t help but notice Yohan Flande sitting out there at $4,600 as the lowest pitcher on the DK totem pole. So here’s where I’m gonna tell you to start him, right, cuz the Cubs, like, suck and stuff? Heck no! I’m all about danger but there’s not a statistically good argument I could make for starting Flande. In fact, I’m calling this post ‘Stupid, Sexy Flande!’ because now I can’t get a Cubs stack out of my head. For as bad of a team the Cubbies have been this year, they have actually hit quite well against southpaws for the year as they have the 3rd highest team wOBA and the 4th highest team ISO in the major leagues vs LHP. I really hate the idea of believing in the North Side, but my lineups will be bleeding Cubbie blue today. Hopefully, my account won’t hemorrhage into the red and I’ll be gushing green when it’s all done. With that, let’s take a look at some more picks for this Monday’s slate on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…after I’ve told you about something cool that’s been burbling for a while but is now coming to a frothy head. Our Razzball Radio host Nick Capozzi is revving the engines up to head out on the 32in32in32 tour. Yes, August is almost here and you haven’t bought your ticket. I don’t wanna hear your excuses, if you wanna come out and see various peeps from across the Razzball Universe, this is your chance. Who knows, maybe Nick will even let you touch his bus. But don’t get all bold and ask him, just let nature and a few beers take their course. And now moving along…
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Anthony Rizzo, 1B: $5,700 – Well, this Cubs stack got expensive in a hurry, didn’t it. He’s the highest priced 1B for the day and for good reason. He’s 12th in the league in wOBA and ISO against southpaws on the year and is hitting at home after a game at home on Sunday, i.e. there’ll be no wear and tear on this Chicago team. If you’re down with my Cub crush, Emilio Bonifacio ($3,800) is a must, Wellington Castillo is a nice $3,900 chance on a HR, and Starlin Castro ($4,500) could have himself a fine day driving in all the people on base ahead of him.
Chase Anderson, SP: $6,500 – Strictly a GPP play for me but the Reds have sucked a suckhole of late and I’ve done my best to take advantage whenever and wherever I can. In their last 7 games heading into Sunday’s contest, Cincinnati has the second worst wOBA in the league and they were blanked for 7 innings by Doug Fister before mercifully scoring a couple in the last two frames. I say this because I started Doug because of those same stats. I’m not getting off this bad luck Cincy train until it throws me off.
A.J. Burnett, SP: $8,200 – He’s been anything but consistent so far this year but as we all know, the Mets have been bad all year. And even with that said, they were just barely beating out the Reds for 3rd worst team wOBA over the last 7 days heading into Sunday so somehow they’ve actually found a way to get worse. Ah, the New York Mess…never change.
Jesse Chavez, SP: $8,000 – The Astros were held to 1 run over almost 6 innings by Jacob Turner on Sunday and I don’t want to overstate the obvious but Ted Turner’s illegitimate bastard child from a rubber-armed mom is not so good. Jesse is worthy of your consideration.
Vance Worley, SP: $7,000 – Staying on the theme of ‘y’all have sucked recently’, Giants are floating around the bottom 5 in wOBA over the last 7 days as well. Granted, two of those said seven days were against Greinke and Kershaw but I’d feel remiss if I didn’t tell you about Worley in Ad-Vance. Wow, that one even hurt me. I’m not huge on this pick but think there’s merit to pointing out a team that’s starting Dan Uggla as a candidate to pitch against.
Wilin Rosario, C: $4,100 – It’s admittedly been a very off year for Rosario but he’s still hit lefties well overall, averaging a HR every 11.8 AB against them on the year, which is just a little off from his 11.6 career mark. As much as I picked on Flande, Wada ain’t got nada either. I’ll take Rosario and a hot-hitting Nolan Arenado, my fine Maître d’Kings. And another plate of these never ending garlic cheese biscuits. These things are amazing!
Jose Bautista, OF: $5,500 – Joey Bats has been hot of late, with 10+ DK points scored in four of his last five games, including a 37 point, 2 HR performance. He gets what may or may not be an improved Clay Buchholz whose July ERA looks pretty sexy until you notice it’s heavily weighted by a 7 IP, 0 ER, 12 K performance against the Ass’tros. Though the sample size be small, his home wOBA against RHBs this year is a whopping .412 and he’s given up 5 HRs in 17 innings pitched at good ‘ole Fenway. That’s a 2.64 HR/9 ratio for those without calculators at home. Consider this an ‘I don’t trust him but I like the matchup call’ for Juan Francisco while we’re at it.
Yoenis Cespedes, OF: $5,300 – Speaking of things that are en fuego, let’s talk about Yoenis…hrm, as Sterling Archer would say, ‘Um, phrasing!’ Much like Jose, Cespedes has been raking of late and despite a .239 average against LHP, actually has a better season wOBA and ISO against southpaws. Don’t worry, Brett Oberholtzer. It will all be Ober soon.
Garrett Jones, 1B/OF: $3,600 – I swear I’m not a J-Zimm hater but I feel like he’s a better fantasy pitcher than he is a Daily Fantasy one. Wow, can’t believe I just typed that. But fo’real doe, he’s constantly priced above 9K and has rarely delivered on that promise so far this year. This is completely a gut call on my part as Jones went yard yesterday and he’s one of those guys that totally Pringles‘ his way to a few more over the coming days. I’ll also say Giancarlo Stanton is a good call here as well but that’s like saying ‘whatever team scores the most runs wins’ and is filed under the ‘Duh’ category.
Adam LaRoche, 1B: $4,500 – ‘But I can’t afford Rizzo today, Sky!’, you whine at me. Sheesh, it was just a suggestion. Well how about trotting out a LHB against a pitcher in Nate Eovaldi who has a 1.4 HR/9 ratio at home to left-handed sluggers. In fact, lefties have a robust .376 wOBA off the Nate-orious EOV this year at home. If you wanna do a mini-Nat stack, consider Bryce Harper, Denard Span and maybe even Danny Espinosa for your left-handed pleasure. Hello, phrasing! Sorry Archer…
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
There’s some threat of weather popping up for BOSvsTOR and CINvsAZ but nothing over the dreaded 50% marker. Be sure to check as the day rolls along and also to call your mother and let her know you’re alright (we’re a blog that cares).
Doing Lines In Vegas
They’ve yet to calculate some of the lines such as CHCvsCOL as of this typing but I do find it interesting that the money line in the MIAvsWAS game today actually favors Marlins to win, albeit ever so slightly. Maybe that slightly will come from Stanton and Jones bombs, hmmm? Other than that, the big line that I know of goes to BOSvsTOR at 8 1/2 and if you wanna know what my o/u call is…wait, just a minute. Here. That’s my ‘o’ face. Please don’t ask me what my ‘u’ face is cuz I don’t have one. No one does. And I’ll take more ‘o’ face in the HOUvsOAK game with how hot the Athletics have been.