First off: Poop joke. Secondly: next poop joke. Good, now is it out of your system? Well if it ain’t, pinch it off we’ve got to keep dropping these DraftKings posts like they’re hot. Alright, alright, we can’t get things moving with you so backed up on this topic. Here, have some yogurt. Better? Good! Now I have to ask you to draft a guy who’s only $6,000 on DK and is pitching in Petco and he’s not a Padre pitcher. In fact, he’s playing for a team that could actually get him a win. You interested? Me too! His name is Rick Porcello. He enjoys going six to seven innings, loves ground ball outs, and can probably K about five or six guys today given that his opponent is the Padres who have scored 20 total runs in nine games to start the year. For you non-math majors, that’s 2.22 runs per game. You don’t even need to look at the Hitter-Tron to know these Padres won’t help your hitting lineup. I would’ve said just 2 runs since you can’t actually score .22 runs but I didn’t wanna make the lovers of San Diego cry more than their team has already made them. But of course, I’m just a man with an idea. What say you, Stream-O-Nator? Only the 11th best pitcher tomorrow? Balderdash! Oh wait, tons of aces on the mound tomorrow. I mean, Jose Fernandez is the 6th best pitcher tomorrow on there? Well that changes things now doesn’t it. Considering he’s about half the price of the big arms taking the mound, you can take him, buy an ace, and still have room in your budget for more Activia. Seriously, go talk with your doctor, you’ve got a problem. But enough about that, let’s do a few more quick DK pimpings and then move on. We’ve mentioned it a few times but there’s a little game we like to call the Sweet Spot on DraftKings. That’s a $400,000 pot. The cool thing about the link I just gave you? You sign up for the first time to DK you get a free ticket which you can turn into a ticket in the Sweet Spot. How often do you get to tell your wife you actually WON money playing fantasy sports (we’re friends here, you don’t need to lie to me). In either case, if you want in on this DK fun, that would be a great way to start. With that, let’s get on with it. Here’s the Razzball slant on the 4/11/2014 slate for your DraftKings lineups…
Chris Sale, SP: $11,600 – Pick an ace, any ace. I selected Sale because Cleveland’s offense has been a Cleveland steamer of late and they’ve got Carrasco going opposite of him. A win coupled with 8 K and 7 innings wouldn’t surprise me. But you know what would surprise me? Killer Bees from Outer Space. I’d love to see that in a Rom-Com. Hollywood, make this happen.
Joe Kelly, SP: $5,900 – Somehow, Joe beat out Carlos Martinez for the 5th starter job in St Louis. I mean, it’s not like Carlos choked his chance. Who knows. And apropos to nothing, why is it that we all inherently know guys look at illicit materials and ‘go about their business’ but once we find out what the material is, we freak out? I still have much love for you, Pee-Wee Herman. Just put down the popcorn please. Oh, guess I should talk about Joe…eh, he sucks but the Cubs aren’t really good themselves. I’ll say 6 IP with 5 or 6 K and a win seems plausible. I should work in sales!
Devin Mesoraco, C: $2,200 – Hot Schomato? Post-post-post hype sleeper? Does it matter? Daily Fantasy, baby. You’re not making a commitment here and at his going price, he’ll leave plenty for you to fill other areas.
Jose Abreu, 1B: $4,400 – I’m torn here, y’all, I really am! I love the matchup and the price but I’d also hate to see him 50% owned in my tournament. I mean, yay, I beat half the field and gained zero ground on anyone else if he succeeds and I suck with 50% of the field if he fails. I’m leaning towards fading him. Even a mouth-breather knows a guy with back to back 2 HR games is good. It might be a good night to sneak by with a similarly priced like Prince Fielder or Adrian Gonzalez. Want cheaper? How about two Adams, Lind at $3,200 and Matt at $3,300. Now can we stop talking about first basemen? K, thx.
Donnie Murphy, SS/2B: $2,700 – I don’t know what type of dark, desperate, sick individual you’d have to be to want to get Murphy in your lineup but the Hitter-Tron likes him at 2nd. It didn’t like him at short but that’s because he doesn’t have SS eligibility at Yahoo or ESPN. You so cray cray, DK. Just giving out eligibility as you see fit. Could you put Miggy at catcher while you’re at it? Would appreciate.
Matt Kemp, OF: $4,300 – No, he’s not all the way back. But he doesn’t need to be. He just needs to live up to part of his career .333/.373/.565 slashline against the D-Backs to give you positive value.
Shin Soo-Choo, OF: $4,700 – Seems to have settled into a nice little groove and the ‘Tron has him in the top 10 hitters for the day. Don’t argue with the HT. It’ll ask for make-up sex later. And by ask, well…I don’t wanna talk about it…
Pedro Alvarez, 3B: $5,000 – He has crept up in price over the last few days and for good reason. The guy has 5 HRs in his last 7 games. And yet yesterday in the 5K Moonshot he was less than 10% owned. That tourney had over 2,000 players in it. I’m willing to pay for full price of admission on El Toro for Friday.
Jonny Gomes, OF: $3,200 – Gomes has, to put it mildly, not been good. But with a lefty on the mound, the Sox have put him at leadoff in the past. If he gets that chance on Friday in Yankees stadium – weather permitting – he could give you positive value on the day with a double, walk and a couple of runs. And if he doesn’t, at least he can still make you smile. Oh Jonny, your disregard for social norms is so fun! Never change.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
BALvsTOR, NYYvsBOS, and PHIvsMIA all look pretty sketch with their rain chances tomorrow. If you plan on playing guys from these teams, make sure you have a backup roster you can quickly import if you hear news that Noah’s Ark is on it’s way in from the Eastern seaboard. How Darren Aronofsky goes from Requiem For a Dream to a POS Russell Crowe blockbuster is beyond me. I know, I know, bygones. CINvsTB could also get dicey but the weather looks like it’ll hold just fine.
Doing Lines In Vegas
ARZvsLAD at 8 1/2 looks like it could be a game that just hands us the over with Brandon McCarthy taking the mound.
NYYvsBOS and BALvsTOR both look ripe at 8 1/2 but again, Noah alert! If the games are a go, an Orioles stack so high that it could reach the heavens would be on the docket. Don’t think stacks make sense? Well take a looksee at Wednesday’s $100K winner from the Walk Off contest. Hrm, looks like they work fine to me! Given the weather concerns, an LAD stack seems more in line.